The Book of Lost Names(91)

“Eva, you’re the strongest person I know—strong enough that even now, you’re doing the right thing, though it may break your heart.”

She knew, even as she accepted his words, that she would regret this moment for the rest of her life. “I’ll talk to her as soon as she reaches Switzerland. I’ll make her see. It’s just that I cannot make her accusations true by abandoning her. I can’t become the person she fears I am. I would never forgive myself for hurting her that way.”

Rémy cupped her chin gently and looked into her eyes. “Darling, I know.”

“You’ll still come back for me? After the war?”

“Of course I will. I’ll meet you on the steps of the Mazarine, and then the rest of our lives can begin.”

“Ani l’dodi v’Dodi li,” she whispered.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s Hebrew for ‘I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.’ It’s from Shir Hashirim, the Song of Songs. It’s—it’s something people say when they marry, to promise each other forever.”

Rémy smiled at her. “Then in that case, Ani l’dodi v’Dodi li.” He leaned forward and kissed her, so gently it felt like he was already gone.

And though her stomach swam with uncertainty and the heat of the fire was fading, leaving the house darker, colder, Eva finally drifted off, the exhaustion of the past several days—and the joy of reuniting with Rémy—finally taking their toll. He stroked her hair until she fell asleep.





Chapter Twenty-Eight




Eva dreamed of standing on the steps of the Mazarine Library in a white dress, searching for a groom who never came. She awoke with a start, tears streaming down her face, and it took a few seconds to remember that she wasn’t in Paris, that she hadn’t been abandoned at the altar, and that Rémy was right there with her.

But as she blinked into the early morning light filtering through the edges of the small cottage’s blackout shades, she realized that the room was cold, the fire was out, and Rémy was gone.

She jumped up, heart hammering, but he wasn’t in the kitchen, and the washroom was empty, too. She threw open the door into the icy morning, hoping that he had just stepped out for some fresh air, but the garden was empty, and there were no footsteps in the freshly fallen snow. That meant that he’d left hours ago, long enough that the last traces of him had disappeared.

Eva shut the door. Numb, she backed into the small house. It was then that she noticed a piece of paper on the small wooden table she’d slept beside last night. It was a letter, addressed to her, and as she picked it up and began to read, her last shred of hope vanished.

Dearest Eva,

Being here with you has made me believe that miracles are possible, and I will treasure our night together until I see you again. I only hope that one day, things will be different for us.

You must go to Switzerland tonight, my love. It’s the only way for you to live, and you must live, Eva. You must go on. I will tell Père Bouyssonie to expect you; you should return to the presbytery after nightfall, and he will help you across.

Eva, please know that I love you, and that I will love you for the rest of my life.

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.

Rémy

Eva read the letter twice, tears streaming down her face. Rémy had gone out into the cold night knowing that she wasn’t strong enough to promise him forever, and that cut her to the core. It was her fault, and she knew she had done the wrong thing. After all, her mother had viewed the situation through a scope narrowed by anger and loss. Why had Eva let that define her life? Her future?

And what if Rémy never returned? What if he didn’t survive the coming months? What if Eva herself perished? She would never be able to right the wrong, to tell him that her answer could only be yes, to tell him that she loved him with all her soul.

Suddenly, though, Eva had a thought. Certainly the bus back to Annecy didn’t run this early in the morning. That meant that Rémy was still somewhere in town, didn’t it? Perhaps there was still time to find him, to rectify her mistake, to tell him that nothing mattered but him, that she would marry him and find a way to make her mother understand.

She was pulling on her coat and heading out the door before she could stop herself, although as she trudged through the freshly fallen snow toward the priest’s home, doubt set in. Would appearing at the priest’s home in broad daylight create a problem for him? She stopped suddenly and considered, but it took her only a few seconds to begin moving again. She had to get to Rémy.

Smoke snaked from the chimney of the priest’s home, and the lights were on, which indicated he was awake already. Could Rémy be there, too? Eva said a quick prayer, took a deep breath, and knocked.

When Père Bouyssonie answered the door a minute later, he looked surprised to see Eva. He blinked at her a few times before taking her by the arm and pulling her in without a word, hastily closing the door behind her.

“You shouldn’t have come until nightfall,” he said, but his tone was gentle, not angry.

“I’m so sorry. I need to see Rémy.”

“I’m sorry, my dear, but he’s already gone.”

“He was here this morning?”