The Book of Longings(110)

Pamphile was at her side.





xxvi.


My eyes flashed to the goatskin pouch in Pamphile’s hand. She held it out to me without a word, her face tense.

I took the pouch and fumbled with the knot on the leather tie, my fingers fat as cucumbers. Prying open the drawstring, I peered inside at a scrolled parchment. I wanted to snatch it out and read it that moment, but I loosely retied the pouch. Yaltha looked at me, understanding, it seemed, that I wished to be alone when I read it, away even from her.

“A courier arrived with it three days ago,” Pamphile said. “I hired a wagon with a donkey as soon as I could. Apion thinks I’m visiting my family in Dionysias. I led him to believe my father had fallen ill.”

“Thank you, Pamphile. You have done well.”

“It’s Lavi you should thank,” she replied, her face hardening. “He’s the one who insisted I remain at Haran’s all these months and wait for your letter. If it’d been left to me, I would’ve departed there long ago. I think my husband is more loyal to you than to me.”

I didn’t know how to respond to this—I thought she might be right. “Is Lavi well?” I asked, hoping to divert her.

“He’s happy with his work at the library. His superiors heap praise on him. I go to him whenever I can—he rents a small apartment now.”

Every moment the letter remained unopened was an agony, but I owed it to her to listen.

“Did you see a colony of soldiers on the road near the gatehouse?” Yaltha asked.

“Yes. I’ve seen these same kind of soldiers in Haran’s house. One comes each week to see him.”

“Do you know what they speak about?” I asked.

She glared at me. “Do you expect me to listen at the door?”

“I wish you to do nothing that puts you in danger.”

“You should be prepared when you pass back by the soldiers,” Yaltha said. “There’s no danger to you, but they inspect everyone going east, searching for me and Ana. You’ll be stopped. If asked, say you have no knowledge of us, that you came to sell papyrus.”

“Sell papyrus,” she repeated, then glowered at me again. “I didn’t know I would have to tell more lies for you.”

“Only one more, and only if asked,” I said.

“I wish this to be over,” she said. “Now that your letter has come, I only want to leave Haran’s employ and go live with my husband.”

I tightened my fingers on the letter’s pouch. Be patient, Ana, I told myself. You have waited so long—what are a few more minutes?

“What news do you have of Haran?” Yaltha asked her.

“The morning after you left, his shouting could be heard through the house. He searched your rooms in a rage, looking for some sign of where you’d gone. The man ripped bedcovers and shattered water pots. Who do you think was charged to clean it up? Me, of course. He plundered the scriptorium as well. I found scrolls across the floor, spilled ink, a broken chair.”

“Did he suspect you of aiding us?” I asked.

“He was content to lay the blame on Lavi, but not before he interrogated me and the rest of the servants. Even Thaddeus wasn’t spared.” She balled her fists and mimicked Haran. “‘How did they manage to flee? Did they turn into smoke and float under the locked door? Did they fly out the window? Which of you unlocked the door?’ He threatened to have us flogged. It is only through Apion’s intervention that we were spared.”

It was plain how much she’d suffered under Haran’s roof separated from Lavi. “I’m sorry,” I said. “You’ve been a brave and true friend.” I pulled the bench toward her. “Here, rest. I’ll return shortly. Yaltha will bring you food and water. You will stay the night with us.”

I walked self-consciously from the house, past the assembly hall, the woodworking shop, the clusters of houses, the animal shed, forcing myself not to break into a run. As I passed the eucalyptus tree, I quickened my pace, then took flight up the escarpment toward the cliffs.

Finding a boulder midway up, I sat with my back against it, letting the strength of it hold me. My heart was in an uproar. I took a breath, opened the pouch, and pulled out the parchment.

    Dearest Sister,

I trust you received my earlier letter explaining why it was not safe for you to return.



My mouth parted. Judas had written before—why had I not received it?

    The danger to you in Galilee has not fully passed, though it has lessened. Antipas is fully consumed by his lust to be named King of the Jews by Rome.

Last week we came into Judea on our way to Jerusalem where we will remain through Passover. Antipas has no rule here. Come to us with all haste. Sail with Lavi to Joppa and make your way to Bethany where we lodge at the home of Lazarus, Mary, and Martha.

The kingdom is close at hand. Vast throngs of people in Galilee and Judea now hail Jesus as the Messiah. He believes the fullness of time is upon us and he wishes you by his side. He compelled me to tell you that he is safe. I, though, must warn of dangers. The people are emboldened by the appearance of a Messiah and there is much talk of revolution. Jesus teaches each day in the Temple and the Jewish authorities set spies upon us the moment we enter the gates. If there is unrest, the Temple guard will most certainly arrest him. Jesus continues to believe God’s kingdom can come without swords. But I am both a Cynic and a Zealot. I only know we cannot let this moment pass. If it is necessary, I will do what I must this Passover to ensure the masses rise up and overthrow the Romans at last. The sacrifice of one for many.