The Book of Hope: A Survival Guide for Trying Times(42)
Nurturing the Indomitable Spirit in Children
The winter sun continued to illuminate the cabin. As Jane thought about the connection between resilience and the indomitable human spirit, I was wondering if children could be taught—or at least helped—to become more indomitable so that they would be better able to cope with life’s inevitable challenges as they grew up. The parents of Chris Koch, the man who was born without arms or legs, had done this brilliantly. They gave him the self-confidence and mental strength to succeed. I mentioned Chris’s example to Jane.
“Oh yes, I’m sure that self-confidence is part of resilience and one’s upbringing plays such an important role,” she said. “When I think of the other children who have overcome physical disabilities, they almost always had support from one or both parents or some other adult who was ‘there for them.’”
“And, of course, while some people face physical adversity, like Chris and Derek, and like my father and son,” I said, “there are some who fight and overcome trauma induced by war or childhood abuse or domestic violence—trauma that leaves psychological scars.”
“I suppose that in all these cases there will be resilient people who overcome both physical and psychological trauma, whilst others simply don’t have that resilience. It’s not always clear as to why. Perhaps some people who are genetically predisposed to pessimism don’t have a loving enough upbringing to foster resilience and hopefulness.”
I shared with Jane how the research on resilience has interesting resonance with the research on hope. Psychological resilience is the ability to cope with crises and to remain calm and move on from such incidents without long-term negative consequences. Like a resilient ecosystem that recovers after a natural disaster or human-made disturbance, resilient people are able to recover—though it may take time depending on the severity of the trauma.
“Overall, a resilient person is able to bounce back—or even bounce forward—stronger as a result of the adversity,” I said. “These people are more hopeful, and they may see challenges as opportunities.”
“It’s really sad,” Jane said, “how some people manage to cope, and cope in the most amazing way, while others give up, become bitter and depressed—may even kill or seek to kill themselves, especially if they don’t have family or friends to help them.”
“There may be some exceptions,” I said, “but overall I think we can agree how important consistent nurturing, safety, and care is when it comes to fostering resiliency in children. From what you’ve seen, do you think that’s true for chimps as well?”
“I do,” Jane replied. “We’ve known chimpanzees who’ve been taken from their mothers and abused as infants—some who were trained using severe punishment to perform in entertainment, some who were confined in bare cages in medical research labs—who have never really recovered after being rescued, never been able to fit into a normal chimpanzee group. And they may show what is surely post-traumatic stress disorder. There was one female, who every so often would stare off into the distance and scream and scream hysterically. She had been separated from her mother as an infant and raised in a lab setting where she had been deprived of love. By contrast, when traumatized infants whose mothers were shot in the wild arrive at one of our sanctuaries and are immediately given love and care, they usually bounce back fairly quickly.”
How the Indomitable Human Spirit Helps Us Heal
“It’s wonderful to know how universal this resilience can be,” I said. “I’m also struck by the examples you shared yesterday—how people who have been horribly abused can sometimes overcome their trauma and then devote themselves to helping others who are still struggling.”
“Yes,” said Jane. “You mean the young women in Burundi who had been captured and raped, and the young men who had been forced to become child soldiers. Through counseling they were able to face what had happened, find the strength to move forward with their lives, and then decide they wanted to use their experience to help others who are having trouble finding their way out of despair or anger. And, of course, it helps your own healing if you are doing something to help others.”
Jane said she gets “a good many letters” from people who are trying to cope with adversity—sometimes it’s from the parents of children with life-threatening or incurable diseases, or from people who were abused as children and are still trying to cope, and often from people who have lost hope because of the damage to the environment. She told me she often has phone calls with or is writing to people with physical or mental problems.
“And what are they wanting from you?” I asked.
“They want help, support,” she answered. “It is a huge responsibility, and, to be honest, it’s sometimes draining. At the same time, it is a privilege, because so often they say it really does help them when they talk to me. Even to hear my voice, which they say is calming and brings peace. I don’t understand why this is so but have come to accept it as a gift I have been given. And I feel compelled to use this gift. It has given me a real understanding of the kinds of hardships and traumas that people have to face, and a real admiration for the way that people cope with what has happened with determination and courage. It’s that indomitable spirit again!”