The Book Eaters(100)

“You asked me for the truth,” she said. “Here’s some truth. We didn’t escape after killing Matley. The knights caught us and took us to their base just outside of Oxford. In exchange for not killing us, they charged me with hunting down the Ravenscars, who had disappeared, and finding their Redemption drug, which the knights want. And to make sure I stayed loyal, they fitted you with an implanted explosive.”

Cai’s mouth hung open; he looked stricken.

“I have to report in every two weeks, or you die.” Devon let go of him to rake both hands through her hair. “I do everything they ask, or you die. I’ve found the Ravenscars like they wanted, and the drugs like they wanted, but once they arrive you’ll still die at the press of a button. Unless I take some rather drastic action.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” He lifted the hem of his shirt with one hand, seeking the scar. Hovering a palm above it with newfound anxiety, as if touch alone might set the damn thing off.

“Because you have spent the last two years struggling not to starve to death. You didn’t need any extra worry of some uncontrollable death threat hanging over your head.” She gestured helplessly. “I would have told you when the time is right.”

“When would that be?” He dropped his shirt, anger reasserting itself. “Right when we’re trying to leave? After we put a foot wrong and I blow up, maybe? You always do this, Devon. Make decisions for me and drag me around. Why don’t you trust me? Give me a say?”

She flinched. “You were so small when we left home. Barely out of babyhood. And now you’re—”

“Twenty-five different adults,” he said, the answer ready-fire. “I’m not like other kids. I should get a say in what we’re doing, especially if it affects me. You had over a year to tell me. I deserved to know sooner. Not the day of whatever you’re doing.”

She groaned, holding up both hands. “Aye, I know. Truly, I’m sorry I didn’t explain sooner. There just never seemed to be a right moment.”

“And this is a right moment?”

“Well—”

“Seems like a late moment to me!”

“Look, I’m sorry, all right?”

“Don’t say that,” he huffed at her, lower lip sticking out. “Sorrys are just something you say to avoid doing anything different or better.”

“Jesus fuck,” she said, stung.

“I don’t want your stupid grown-up apologies,” he said. “I hate hearing you say you’re sorry!”

She was still reeling from his first broadside. “What do you want, then? What can I say or do that will make a difference?”

“Give me the truth from now on. Always and every time.” He scowled, small and fierce. “Promise me you won’t lie again. At least, not to me. Little or small, I want all the truth, always.”

She opened her mouth to tell him I can’t promise that because how could she? Who knew what the future would require of her, what sacrifices or private decisions she’d have to make?

The sight of his pale, anxious face killed those excuses dead. In a life of endless chaos and uncertainty, she had become Cai’s only constant. Her decisions had already damaged and taxed the trust between them; if she didn’t draw a line right now, their relationship might break down completely.

Devon could not keep him safe if he didn’t trust her.

“I promise,” she said, sticking out a hand and trying not to sound reluctant. “Shake on it, aye? No more lies between us. Even if the truth is painful, and it will be at times.” She yelped at his pincer grip, adding, “I can’t promise that to other people, though. Only for me and you.”

“Other people aren’t family,” he said, withdrawing his hand as if she were acidic to the touch. “We’re family, real family, so we can’t lie to each other.”

Devon didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She settled for snorting and scrubbing her eyes to dry them.

“Truth, then,” he said, stubborn as hell. Stubborn as her. “Why is your brother texting you?”

“My brother is a knight,” she said. “His name is Ramsey Fairweather, and he implanted you with that.”

She pointed at his scar and launched into the same explanation she’d given Hester. Family patriarchs who sought to phase out dragons, and rebellious knights who were alarmed by the ebbing of their power. Ravenscar twins who triggered the whole fallout by upending their manor. And herself, caught in the middle, teetering between factions. All while sweating from anxiety that someone would walk in on them, or that Cai would decide he’d heard enough and storm off.

But he didn’t storm off. Her son sat perfectly still, forehead furrowed and eyes dancing back and forth sightlessly: the enormous intellectual power of twenty-five adults at his disposal.

“Neither Family nor knights will let you live, even if you do whatever it is they’re asking,” he said, when she had trailed into silence. “Agreeing to work for the knights has only bought a little more time, at best.”

“Exactly.” Devon brushed a stray hair out of his eyes, oddly pleased to be having a chat with someone who understood. What a relief to not just be wrestling with everything on her own, in silence. “Here’s the thing: all you and I need is a cure for mind eating, and a solution for that explosive. The rest is peripheral to us, existing only as an obstacle. If we get those two things, we can just walk away and never look back.”