The Bishop’s Wife (Linda Wallheim Mystery, #1)(64)

“Well, then I just hope it doesn’t drag on for much longer than that.”

She collected the papers and put them back in the manila envelope. I expected her to leave then, but she remained seated and her feet tapped the carpet.

“Can I get you some tea?” I asked.

“No, that’s not why I’m still here. I wanted to know—Linda, tell me what you think about the house. Should I keep it?”

“You’re thinking of selling it? Where would you go?” The thought of her leaving the ward just after I had found a deep friendship with her was sudden and sour, like the taste of vinegar if I’d been expecting juice.

“The whole idea that Tobias could have lied to me, that my whole life might have been a lie—it has made me feel differently about myself. Or maybe it has made me see myself truly for the first time. I was always the dutiful wife, doing whatever Tobias needed me to do. I didn’t argue with him. I gave up my job and never complained about it, never thought of going back while the boys were young. When I did go back, I always worked my hours around the family. I always made sure he had what he wanted, what he and the boys needed. But if I hadn’t given up so much, maybe I wouldn’t be so upset. Maybe I wouldn’t have wanted so much to believe that my life with him was real.”

“But you didn’t give up yourself. Anna, you were always independent,” I said.

“Then how did this happen? I must have done something wrong. And even if I didn’t, I’ve been considering starting over again. Now that Tobias is gone, it just feels like I should be waiting to die, too. I don’t want to do that. I want to move on. I don’t want to sit and feel obligated to keep up Tobias’s garden. I want to have my own life. I want to see the world. I want to go on a cruise. I want to go on dates with other men.” She was blushing furiously. “Do you think that’s wrong of me? Selfish?”

Tobias had died only ten days before, but maybe this was what she needed to do. “No, of course not. I mean, it may be a little selfish, but there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, Anna. Tobias is dead. The boys are raised. If you don’t want to stay in that house, I don’t see why you should have to.” Though I hated the idea of her not being in the ward for my own selfish reasons.

“I suggested it to the boys and they were very angry. Maybe it was too soon after Tobias died. Liam told me that selling the family home would be like his father dying all over again. All our memories are there.”

Liam and Anna hadn’t ever loved each other easily, had they? I couldn’t say the same was true for me and any of my boys, but sometimes I thought that Kenneth and Kurt were always butting heads in this same way, always misunderstanding each other, always being hurt by misinterpretations. But in this case, I was on Anna’s side. “If he wants it, then he can buy it back from you. He’s inheriting money from Tobias’s death, isn’t he?”

“Yes, a good deal of it. And I noticed he didn’t suggest that. He already has his own plans for that money, I suspect.”

“Then there’s no reason that you can’t have plans for your own life, too,” I said tartly. I felt a little jealous, strangely. I had never traveled the world. I had never even planned to do that. I just had the view out my window and kept my sights on visiting my kids when I had time. “I’m glad, Anna. You should have some happiness. I hope you do remarry and have a wonderful life.”

Anna met my eyes and I could see sadness combined with enthusiasm in them. I was surprised that after the double blow she’d suffered, she could bounce back so well. The news about the other Helena (or whoever she was) might have paralyzed Anna. But she seemed as strong as on that first day when I went to visit her after Kurt put her name on the refrigerator.

“I will miss you, Linda. And your husband. You’ve been so kind to me. I will miss the whole ward.” She stood up.

I stood up, too, reluctantly. “Of course you will. But there’s a time to move on.” I was trying to be calm about this, though I had never felt as close to a friend as I did to Anna. I had thought we would have more time. I tried to smile. “More happiness in the world is what we’re here for, isn’t it? Man is that he might have joy? And woman, too?” I changed the scripture delicately.

Anna let out a funny squawking sound, half laugh, half sob. “I’m glad you said that. Thank you. And it’s not that I don’t want to be with Tobias forever. I always wanted that, even if he didn’t. But now that he’s gone, it feels like I have other things I need to do. Maybe that means finding another man. Maybe not. But there are other things out there to do than just finding another man, don’t you think?”

I followed her toward the door. “I wish I could go on the cruise with you,” I said. “Or see Europe. I’ve always wanted to go traveling.”

“You still have Samuel at home. But soon enough you’ll be able to do the same thing,” said Anna.

Maybe, I thought. When Kurt was released as bishop, could I talk him into going on a cruise? Or going on a world tour to all the sites I was itching to see? Or would he just end up in another church calling that took more time and energy than this one did? And what about Kelly Helm?

Strange that she was the first on my list of responsibilities, and not my own sons.

“Too bad your husband is so young and healthy, eh?” said Anna with a smile.