The Bishop’s Wife (Linda Wallheim Mystery, #1)(28)

After a moment’s pause, Anna said, “It was so long ago, when we met, but I remember it so clearly. I was sure he would never look at me again, that I’d have those few moments with him and then he’d be gone. I had one chance to say the perfect sentence, to make him pay attention. I could barely speak, I was so worried.”

“What did you say, in the end?” I asked, curious about Anna and Tobias’s courtship despite myself. Young couples were always talking about how they met, their first dates, their weddings, but the older we got, the less it felt like the people we had been at that age were the same ones we were now, after all the becoming that came with life. It was like thinking back to a book you read in high school, and then reading it again, only to realize it said things you had never understood, and that it didn’t say any of the things you thought it had.

“I told him he had the prettiest ears I’d ever seen,” said Anna, blushing even now.

“And that did it?” I asked, smiling.

“He said after we were married that he didn’t remember what I said at all. He only remembered the way I looked at him.”

“And his ears,” I said, working from the table to the stove.

She let out a little laugh. “Yeah.”

I finished making the eggs and put them on a plate. Anna sat down and started to pick at them.

“Is there anything I could do to help you?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” she said automatically.

“No, think about it. People always say they’re fine and they’re not. You’re obviously not fine, Anna. I could do laundry if you want. Or come in and help you clean. You want to spend what time you have left with Tobias, not doing meaningless chores around the house.”

“I’m very particular about the laundry,” said Anna. “I haven’t let Tobias do it for years. I think it would only make me worry more about it if you did it.”

“All right then. What about something outside? What about the chores that Tobias does—did—normally?”

“Oh!” Her eyes widened. “Well, the shed is a disaster. Tobias tried to keep up with his garden work through the fall, but I’m afraid he did a haphazard job when it came to organization. I could use some help there.”

“Great!” I said. “That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m happy to help with.”

“But it’s so cold,” she said. “You might as well wait till spring.”

“I’ve got a coat on. I’ll go out right now and see what needs to be done. Then I can look at my schedule this week and see what time I have.” Of course there wasn’t any reason the shed needed to be taken care of right now. It was the woman who disliked even the thought of the disorganized shed I was concerned about. If I could decrease her stress even the tiniest bit by helping with the shed, I’d have accomplished something.

I cleaned up in the kitchen, then trooped outside to the shed. Like the kitchen it was ancient; it wasn’t the prefabricated kind that was delivered and set up on concrete blocks. This was made of aluminum and had been set up by Tobias, back in the day. The door was difficult to open, and when I stepped inside, I could see why. The floor was littered with tools and other equipment. I bent down and began to pick up flowerpots and half-empty bags of fertilizer. I stacked together things I thought should be thrown away, including several tools that looked rusted and ruined after sitting too long without being cleaned. It was a shame.

For a moment, I stood, arms wrapped around my coat-clad shoulders, and thought of the shed as Tobias himself, a man who had not even shared his life story with his wife of thirty years. How many things had he left inside himself to canker, because he thought he would get to them later? How many inner wounds were still oozing blood and pus? Was he ashamed of the truth of who he was? Did he close the door on his own past secrets to keep them hidden from other people? And what would happen when God opened the door at his death?

I swallowed what felt like a large piece of ice.

What did my own shed look like? I suppose we are all like Tobias, putting off things that we should take care of but which we are too tired or too ashamed to deal with. And someday, the end will come for all of us, and other people will root around in our things, finding out what we wish no one would ever know. It made me want to go home and clean my house, and then the garage.

But what was lurking inside of my heart? You hope that people remember the best parts of you at the end, and forgive the smaller darknesses. You hope, but how can you ever be sure?

Once the shed floor was clear, I nodded to myself with pride. I’d done something right here, at least. I checked my watch and realized I’d been out here for over an hour. Was Kurt still talking to Tobias? There was more to be done in the shed, and I thought of mentioning the ruined tools to Anna, then immediately decided against it. She didn’t need more to do. I made a note on my shopping list to just buy new tools for her. I could bring them back with me after the funeral.

With that thought in mind, I looked through the cabinets, trying to make a list of other items I should buy to make spring cleanup in the yard easier. Fertilizers, of course, and fresh soil. Tobias had his own mulch pile that he turned periodically. I was probably not going to be able to do that well enough to make the mulch useful, so Anna would have to make do with a commercial product. The last cabinet I opened had some fabric in it. I assumed at first it was Tobias’s work clothes, but when I pulled them out, I realized it was a dress. A knee-length pink floral dress that was dirty and so old the seams were coming apart.