The Billionaire Boss Next Door(18)

Truthfully, we may not be all that much more mature now. Outside of our careers, we’re all still basically a bunch of big kids.

“What personality does a turnip have, exactly?” I ask, rubbing my chin with the tip of my middle finger meaningfully.

“Bitter, mostly. A hint of spiteful. Fairly good-looking, but about as interesting as a fucking turnip.”

“They’re not all that bad,” Quincy, the goofball with the good soul, defends.

Cap scoffs. “None of them are good.”

I’d be tempted to take Cap’s words personally if they weren’t so true. I’ve dated a fair number of women, but the depth of those relationships was practically nonexistent.

Cathy Hounds was after my family’s money, Tina Gabriel was after my dick and then my family’s money, and Sadie Billings was after an appearance on Page Six. I was a means to an end to them, and I guess, if I’m honest, they were the same for me. I can hardly distinguish one’s bland personality and plastic parts from another’s, and looking back, I don’t want to.

They weren’t worth more than a mediocre fuck, and these days, I’m too busy to even go looking for that.

What about the enticing woman at the party the other night? my mind taunts, but I slam the brakes on that thought just as quickly as it appears.

“What do you care? It’s not like you’re searching extensively to find your soul mate,” I challenge Cap. “You sleep with any woman who purrs in your direction.”

If Caplin had a vagina, it’d be the size of the Holland Tunnel. He’s looser with his physical affection than most hookers, and he doesn’t even get paid.

Though, I’m half convinced he would if it wouldn’t get him disbarred.

But just like with Quince, our friendship goes back a long way. The three of us spent the majority of our formative years together, horsing around and giving each other shit about everything.

As an only child, they are the brothers I never had, and I wouldn’t recognize my life without them.

“Yes, but that works for me. Really well.”

“And it doesn’t for me?”

Cap laughs right in my face, the bastard. “You’re painfully monogamous, Turn. And if you’re going to insist on fucking one woman, I’m going to do my part to make sure it’s a good one. Flexible. Acrobatic. A true joy to be around.”

“So, according to your description, I’m supposed to date a gymnast or a bendy straw,” I retort with a smirk, and Quince laughs.

But Cap, well, he keeps rolling with his outrageous and nonexistent point. “Both sound like better options than your usual.”

“Just so I’m clear on your suggestions…” I pause and lift up a paper clip from my desk. “It bends. Hell, it’s even shiny. Should I fuck this, too?”

Cap grins. “Some action is better than no action, Turn.”

“You’re off your fucking rocker, you know that?”

“That might be true, but…” His grin only gets wider. “My dick is a happy and entertained lad every-fucking-day of the week.”

“Your dick is one bad hookup away from shriveling up and falling off.”

“Meh.” He shrugs. “At least he’d go down with a smile.”

Quince sighs. “It’d be great if we could have one conversation where your dick isn’t discussed like it’s an actual person.”

“Aw, don’t worry, Quince,” Cap retorts. “I’m sure your dick is a real nice guy. A little boring, far too predictable, but there’s a real sweetheart inside that barely average-sized core of his.”

“Barely average-sized?” Quince scoffs. “You—”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” I chime in before they start getting out rulers and measuring shafts. “How about someone lets me know if we should sign the contract with Essence Skin Care? Hell, if Cap’s dick is well-versed in legalese, that’ll work at this point.”

“It’s all good in the hood, baby.” Cap winks. “I have a few recommendations for the contracts that I’ll send your way, but it’s all pretty minor shit.”

I look toward Quince, who is now smiling.

“The report from product research came back with no areas of concern related to liability.”

“Great.” The line goes silent for the briefest of moments, and I can’t stop myself from veering the conversation back to the ridiculous. “Oh, hey, Quince. Guess who Cap saw the other day?”

Goddamn, I’m just as bad as they are.

The instant the question leaves my lips, Cap glares and Quince tilts his head to the side.

“Who did you see, Cap?”

“He saw Sophia Moran.” I kindly offer up the information on a silver platter.

“No shit?” Quince responds. “How is she doing?”

“Uh…good.” Cap clears his throat. “She’s doing real good.”

Doing real good? Yeah. Nice one, Cap.

I have to bite my lip to hold back my laughter. And, fuck, this is too entertaining not to continue. So, I do. “What did you guys talk about?”

“Well…” Cap pauses and flashes me another glare before moving his eyes across the screen to Quince. “We didn’t get a lot of talking in…”