The Best of Us (Sullivan's Crossing #4)(61)

Things were quiet when he got back to the bar and that gave Rob some time to absorb what Leigh had just told him.

I’m forty years old, Rob thought. My son is eighteen. My other son is now sixteen. I’ve worried about their college costs for years.

And my girlfriend is pregnant.

He struggled to keep his thoughts rational. It was plain and simple—he did not want to stare at twenty more years of parenting. He’d already invested almost two decades in lumps, bumps, sacrifice and inconvenience. The expense, though he never resented it, was extraordinary. The sleepless nights were endless. There were flu bugs, battles, sometimes heartache. He’d been through things he could never have anticipated—burying his wife, driving his son to a hospital to sit vigil while his girlfriend had her brain surgery. He’d worried, feared and a time or two wanted to kill one or both of his boys. A day didn’t go by when there wasn’t some challenge to resolve or agony to cope with. And he’d done all of that alone.

There’d also been joy, he reminded himself. Pride and laughter and a love so deep and strong. His children felt like part of his body, a portion of his very heart. He couldn’t even fathom the idea of losing one of his boys. That would kill him. They’d grown up straight and tall and strong. They were smart! Even that screw-off Sean, who didn’t bother to apply himself at all. He didn’t regret one second of having his sons, not one second.

But he and Julienne had been together for four years when Finn came along. She was ready for children before he was but he had no real resistance to the idea. And, of course, the second he’d agreed, boom—she was pregnant. Apparently he had a real gift there.

After Sean was born they talked about a vasectomy. They put it off for a while because Julienne wasn’t sure she was done. She’d been lobbying for a little girl. He thought two was plenty, but she was such a wonderful mother, and if one more made her happy, he probably would have gone along with it. After all, she took care of almost everything. But then, when Sean was only six years old, her heart gave out and there was no need for a vasectomy.

Until Leigh, his encounters with women had been rare. There was a reason for that. Leigh was different. From the first moment he touched her, she set off a fire in him that was impossible to ignore. He loved everything about her, everything.

Other women he knew, women he’d dated, were perfectly nice—attractive, smart and personable. He had a good time, but he felt no urgency.

He had to try not to see Leigh every day and it was difficult. He didn’t want to put the rush on her because that would set up expectations he wasn’t sure he could live up to—after all, he wasn’t making up all the crap about being a single-father-business-owner. He rarely got to spend the evening at home, his feet up, TV on. But the fact was, he was crazy about her. Was that love? He wasn’t sure—he hadn’t put a name to it. He figured he’d know in time and there was no need to label anything right now. Right now, all he needed was to be with her, hold her, talk to her, laugh with her. And make love to her. They came together like a couple of thunderheads, and God, did the sparks fly. Either he had no memory whatsoever or he’d never had sex like that in his life. And there was no real explanation for it—they hadn’t invented any new positions. Yet what he felt when he was with her surpassed anything he’d felt in the past.

She said that was also true for her. That meant something, right?

Maybe this problem would disappear and they would go on as they were, more carefully. Even though they’d only been together a couple of months, he already couldn’t imagine life without her.

Disappear? What was he thinking? Did he wish she’d just make it go away so he wouldn’t be inconvenienced? That thought turned his stomach. He knew if she’d said, “Don’t worry, we’ll terminate,” he would have been filled with regret and sorrow. But if the doctor’s appointment revealed that in fact she wasn’t pregnant after all, he would heave a huge sigh of relief, get a vasectomy and probably love her till she was old and gray.

There was that word again—love. Were they in love?

He supposed they’d gone and done it so they could just bite the bullet, get married and raise their little accident. It would take up most of his life but it wasn’t as though he had nothing to do with this pregnancy. He might have already invested almost twenty years in parenting but forty wasn’t generally considered too old to become a father. Lots of men were just getting started while he thought he was wrapping it up.

But who wouldn’t think it was crazy to marry someone you’d known for such a short period of time? Well, he’d known her for almost a year but until recently it was very casual. The truth of the matter was, he didn’t want to get married. He thought maybe he might in a year or two but he didn’t feel ready at the moment.

They could live together, co-parent and wait until the relationship was solid and dependable before making it legal. What would his boys think of that idea? For that matter, what would Aunt Helen think? What would the town think?

Oh, who cares what the town thinks! He wasn’t the first man to get caught in this kind of situation and living together made a lot more sense than marriage.

Or he could still be completely supportive during the pregnancy, birth and parenting without them living together. He would not be there to walk the floor in the middle of the night, but...

He was completely preoccupied the rest of the night. People talked to him and asked him questions that he didn’t hear. Sid asked him if anything was wrong and he said, “No. I’ve got a slight business problem I’m trying to resolve in my head. Sorry to be so absentminded.”