The Atonement (The Arrangement, #3)(9)

She’d been careful about her timing, waiting to light the bed on fire until she was walking out the door, from the looks of it. I’d bet anything the kids were already in the car and she’d claimed she had to come inside to get something.

I still didn’t know how she’d managed to throw the burning cloth into the room with me without the kids noticing, but it was the smell of smoke that had woken me up—my body suddenly on high alert.

She hadn’t counted on that.

The sheer human will to live.

I would’ve known to account for it. I’d seen it with my own victims—the way they fought back with everything they had, even when I’d been sure they were inches from death.

Ainsley didn’t have the experience I did.

She didn’t understand there was nothing a person wouldn’t do to keep on living. She didn’t yet know I would’ve done anything to get our lives back to the way they were.

She wanted it, too.

Maybe it didn’t seem that way, when looking from the outside, but I knew my wife better than that. I could see what she wasn’t saying.

Sure, she’d drugged me hours before and counted on the fact that I’d sleep through it all. But was she really counting on that? She’d torn Jim to shreds, stared into his eyes as he bled to death in front of her, but she couldn’t stand to face me as she ended my life.

That counted for something in my book.

She just needed some time to rest, to recenter, and come to terms with all that had happened. We’d both made mistakes—with Joanna, with each other—but when it counted, we were good together. With the coach, with Stefan, with Jim. Ainsley and I were a team—the best team—and when she’d had a chance to clear her head, she’d see that.

I’d keep an eye on her until then and, when she was ready, I’d bring her home.

With or without the use of rope.





CHAPTER SEVEN





AINSLEY





The kids slept with me that night.

No. Sleep is a generous term.

The kids and I tossed and turned in the bedroom I’d grown up in. Maisy and Riley shared the full-size bed, while Dylan and I slept on separate air mattresses. There was a spare bedroom just down the hall, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave them. Lucky for me, they seemed to feel the same way.

The next morning, I was stiff and sore from sleeping on the slowly deflating mattress. I stood under the warm water of the shower for an extra few minutes, allowing it to ease the ache in my bones.

An hour later, I’d dressed in one of the nicest outfits in my suitcase and put on a light layer of makeup before straightening my hair. Despite my life falling apart, I couldn’t let anyone sense my weakness. There are few things that appear stronger than a woman who seems put together.

They were still sleeping when I walked in from the bathroom and planted a quick kiss on each of their foreheads. When one of Dylan’s eyes fluttered open, I whispered, “Go back to sleep. I’m going to run into town for a bit. Watch out for your brother and sister for me, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

He nodded with a seriousness that made my stomach seize. Though he didn’t understand what was happening, though I’d managed to avoid telling them anything concrete, he was unofficially taking on the role of man of the house. I could see it there in his golden eyes.

“We’ll be fine.”

“I know. I’ll be back soon,” I promised, walking out the door without another word.

As I passed the living room where Mom was sitting and drinking her morning tea, I lifted my hand with a passing wave toward her and kept moving. She lowered her mug. “Where are you off to so early?”

“Work.” I refused to stop long enough to talk. “I’ll be back in a few hours. The kids are still sleeping.”

“Don’t they have school?”

“No. I told you, they’re on fall break.”

I pulled open the door and stepped outside, releasing a heavy breath as I made my way toward the car. For the entire car ride—twenty minutes longer than it would’ve taken me from home—I rode in silence, making a list of everything I needed to do that day.

Work was at the top of my to-do list, though not because I was planning to return just yet. I still had a week of my vacation left, and I needed to make the most of it.

I walked into the branch just after they opened; the familiarity and utter coolness of the place were in perfect juxtaposition, just like the house had been. It’s like that sometimes. When the place you’re visiting hasn’t changed a bit, but you have. When you’re so different from who you were the last time you were there—be it a day or ten years ago—that nothing feels right or normal or familiar anymore.

“Well, hey. I didn’t think you’d be here until next week,” Tara said, hand on the pronounced bump under her blouse.

“Oh, I’m not here,” I told her. “Not officially. I’m just running a few errands.”

Brendan walked out of the vault with a cupcake in his hands. Upon seeing me, he froze, and I watched him contemplate hiding the dessert.

“Hey…” he said softly, keeping his distance.

“It’s okay. I’ve already seen it.” I didn’t have time to remind them I didn’t like for them to eat behind the counter in front of customers. “I need to make a large withdrawal.”