The Atonement (The Arrangement, #3)(31)
AINSLEY
When Peter answered the phone, the noise in the background told me he was somewhere outside. Somewhere crowded. “Where are you?”
“I’m…at work. Why?”
Had he really gone to work after what we’d just gone through? Could he be that callous? “Can you meet me somewhere?”
“Uh, sure. Like where? And why?”
“Things got out of hand before. We really do need to talk. I overreacted, and I’m sorry. I was worried and nervous, and…I’m sorry, too, if I hurt you. I was scared you were going to hurt me, and—”
“Ainsley, you know I’d never want to hurt you.”
“I know that,” I told him, pausing as I worked to catch my breath and veered the car off at the next exit, heading for downtown. “Look, let’s just meet somewhere public. We can grab coffee and talk. No weapons. No threats. Just…talk. We used to be able to do that, right? I’d like to think we still can.”
“That sounds great. How about the coffee shop on Eighth?”
“Perfect. I can be there in twenty minutes.”
“I’ll get us a table.”
Twenty minutes later, I parked in front of the local comedy club and crossed two streets on my way to the coffee shop. Inside, Peter was waiting for me at a table in the back. I approached the counter and ordered a mint green tea, taking my time as I poured a packet of sweetener into the paper cup. I avoided looking at my husband, though I could feel his eyes burning into me from behind. He blended into the scenery around us. Easily faded into the background. He was just an average guy in a coffee shop.
Was that how he’d gotten away with things for so long?
Was that why he’d never been caught? Why no one ever suspected he could be dangerous?
Why I never suspected he could be dangerous?
I thought back to what I’d learned months ago—that when we’d met, I was meant to be his next victim. I supposed I was lucky that it hadn’t ended that way, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t taken anything from me. Half my life had been wasted on him. On whatever this was.
Once I could no longer justify standing there, slowly stirring the sweetener into the tea, I turned and met his eyes, crossing the room and taking a seat in front of him.
“Hey.”
He nodded. “Hey.” His fingers laced around the coffee cup in front of him, then went back under the table. “Thanks, uh, thanks for suggesting this.” He scratched his cheek, looking around.
“I wanted to be able to talk things through.”
He folded his hands in front of him, his thumbs tapping nervously against his knuckles. “Okay, sure. What things?”
“Well, now that things have calmed down, I want you to know that…” I pinched my lips together, staring at the cup of tea. “You weren’t wrong before. What you said about me not being able to…you know.”
When I looked back up, his brows were an inch higher than before, his eyes wide. “I wasn’t?”
“Come on, you know you weren’t.” I rolled my eyes.
“It’s nice to get a confirmation.”
“You’re my husband, Peter. The father of my children. Of course I love you. How could I not? I should’ve… I was hurt by what happened. I was hurt about…her. And I was vulnerable in a way I’ve never been vulnerable with you. I was trying, actively trying, and it felt like you weren’t.”
“I know,” he said, reaching for my hand. I didn’t budge. After a moment, he withdrew the gesture. “Everything with Joanna was a mistake. I love you, Ainsley. I love you so much. And I took you for granted, I know that. You were willing to give me everything, to change for me, and I still couldn’t see what I had right in front of me. I’m sorry for that. But don’t you think we can still work it out? Is there even a chance we can fix this?”
“I don’t think so, Peter,” I told him, spinning the cup in place on the table with one hand. “I… I think I’ve done all I can do.”
“You don’t have to do anything. You’re perfect. I’ll do it all.”
I held up a hand. “Just…stop. Please. We’ve been down this road too many times. The bottom line is that we’re dangerous for each other. We both deserve better—”
He shook his head wildly. “That’s not true—”
“I love you, Peter. I will always love you. I wish it hadn’t come down to this. I wish there was any other way, but there isn’t.” To my surprise, tears stung my eyes. “We have to move on, both of us, and the only way to do that is to get through this. It’s the hardest part, but we have to.”
He looked down, keeping his eyes trained on his coffee. “I…don’t want that.”
“I know. I don’t either. But it’s what’s best for everyone involved.”
“The kids?” When he looked back up at me, his eyes glistened with tears.
“Especially the kids.”
“I love them.” The first tear fell, and he brushed it away.
“I know that. They know that.”
“Then how can this be the right thing?”
“Sometimes…even people who love each other aren’t meant to be together. For various reasons. Personalities, timing… It just doesn’t work between us. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of fighting.”