The Anti-Boyfriend(71)
“Thank you for the advice, Dad. I’ll think about it.”
*
That night, I searched for Becca’s name on social media.
She was the first Becca Henderson to pop up, since we had a few mutual friends. I took some time to look through her photos. Her familiar face—dusted with freckles and framed by her long brown hair—took me back almost instantly. Because we weren’t “friends” on here, I could only see a few images, and most of them were from years ago. One was a photo of Becca and a black lab. There were no real clues about her life now. While I’d heard through the grapevine that she still lived around here, I didn’t know much else. I had no idea where her house was, as we hadn’t met until we were both attending school in Iowa.
I took a deep breath and hit the friend-request button.
That would be a start. If she ignored my request, that would be the end of it. But if she accepted, maybe she’d be receptive to a conversation. I closed out of the app and opened my email to catch up on some work stuff. A few minutes later, I got a notification that Becca had accepted my friend request.
Wow.
Okay, then.
She didn’t send me a message or post on my page, so I took that as my cue to make the first move. I clicked on the button on her profile to message her. I typed and deleted several times before settling on a simple message.
Hey, Becca. It’s been a long time. How are things?
Then I waited anxiously for the response, hoping the answer was positive, and more than that, hoping she didn’t hate me.
CHAPTER 26
Carys
THE TEXT
This was a huge day. It would be the first time I let Charles see Sunny without me being there, too. The plan seemed innocent enough. He’d brought his kids to my apartment, and they would be hanging out for a couple of hours.
Talia and Xavier had recently met Sunny for the first time. Today was their third visit. The kids had really taken to her, and Sunny liked them. Allowing them to meet seemed to be one of the rare good decisions I’d made this past year.
So with Sunny occupied by Charles and his kids, I was off to run a couple of errands and take a breather. I had mixed feelings about leaving her alone with them, but Charles had earned back a bit of my trust in the past few months. While I wouldn’t trust him with my heart again, I knew he was a responsible father to his two other kids. I had no reason to fear for Sunny’s safety while in his care.
And also? Mama needed a breather. I mainly had a babysitter for when I worked, so taking an hour for myself was like a dream at this point. So when Charles had offered, I caved, though I didn’t venture very far. I ran to the drugstore down the street to take my time shopping for toiletries, then stopped at a café around the corner. I’d be close by if Charles needed me to come back.
As I sipped my coffee in a cozy corner seat, I scrolled through my phone and did something I probably shouldn’t have. The gaming app Deacon’s company created had been installed on my phone for some time. It felt like my only connection to him. From time to time, I’d look to see what new games had been created, knowing he’d had a hand in designing them. Sometimes I’d play them. Yes, I know that’s pathetic. But it felt like a safe way to remember Deacon without having to actually interact with him.
As I flipped through the character choices in the new game, something stopped me in my tracks. One of the main characters looked different—yet markedly familiar to me. She was beautiful, just like my Sunny, and looked as if she had Down syndrome. Her name was Autumn.
I didn’t know how long ago Deacon had designed her, before our breakup or after, but this discovery made my heart feel heavier than it had in a while.
*
A few nights later, Sharon arrived to babysit. Sick to my stomach from nerves, I’d just gotten dressed and ready to venture out on my first official date since getting my heart broken. I’d decided to accept a casual dinner invitation from a guy I’d met online. If I didn’t push myself to move on from Deacon, I never would. Maybe at some point it would feel natural and not forced, but it certainly didn’t yet. Fake it till you make it.
“You look gorgeous, Carys,” Sharon told me. “Are you meeting this guy somewhere safe?”
“Yeah. Of course. Taking an Uber to the restaurant and Ubering straight home.”
“Good.” She smiled. “Don’t worry about Sunny and me. You have a good time.”
At almost two, Sunny was starting to say more words, pointing to things a lot and saying “that.” A new speech therapist came to the house twice a week to work with her on language, and I did my best to repeat the words I believed she was trying to say whenever the opportunity presented itself. Sunny and I had also learned sign language to help her communicate until she was able to sound out more words.
“Mama will be back, okay?”
My girl reached her arms out to me and started to cry. “No, Mama.”
She’d become more attached to me than ever lately, maybe the result of the greater awareness that came with growing into a toddler.
Guilt followed me out the door as I made my way into the car waiting outside. During the ride, I looked out the window, which was covered in raindrops. A sadness that seemed to match the dreary weather came over me. I should’ve been happy about going on this date. But I missed Deacon, longed to be in his arms, and knew that would never happen again. Grief definitely comes in waves, and mine always seem to hit at the most inopportune times.