The Anti-Boyfriend(23)

Those words resonated so strongly with me. Hearing them come out of Deacon’s mouth felt surreal. “I understand that to my core.”

He looked into my eyes again. “I know you do. That’s why I just awkwardly interrupted our lighthearted dinner to unload my baggage.”

“I’m so glad you did. Tell me more about what happened.”

He let out a long breath. “My father and I… Our relationship never really recovered. We didn’t know how to relate to each other without football. I felt useless for a long time. Eventually, my younger brother replaced me in my father’s eyes—became the new hope. While Alex never made it to the NFL, for several years my father chose to focus on him, anything to forget the disappointment I was.”

That hurt my heart. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Deacon frowned. “Well, actually, it was. The night of the accident, I was focused on my navigation app when the car crashed into us. Yes, there was fog, but it was very much my fault for not being more alert.”

“Were you alone?”

“No. That’s the worst part.” He swallowed. “My girlfriend at the time was with me.”

I braced myself. “Was she hurt?”

He hesitated. I knew this had to bring back painful memories for him.

“She wasn’t severely injured, no. But…” His words trailed off, and he paused. For a moment I thought he might elaborate, but then he simply said, “Things were never the same after that day.”

“Were the people in the other car injured?”

He closed his eyes briefly. “No.”

I nodded, relieved. “Sorry for all the questions.”

“No. It’s good for me to talk about it. Normally I just keep that part of my life bottled up.”

“So…what did you do to get back on your feet after that?”

“Well, you know how you ended up still working for the ballet after your accident? You kept a foot in the world you loved? It was the opposite for me. I wanted nothing to do with football if I couldn’t play. Being around my football buddies, my father and his players, it depressed me. So I transferred to a different college in California, away from everyone, and threw myself into school.”

“Did you ever move back to the Midwest after that?”

“No. I’ve felt very disconnected from my family ever since. I’m closer to my mother and grandmother, but it’s been difficult being around my father and brother. I love them, but my relationship with everyone changed after the accident.”

“Is it just the one brother you have?”

“Yeah. Alex is two years younger than me. Do you have siblings?”

“I have one brother, too.” I took a deep breath, still processing everything he’d told me. “Wow. Here I was thinking I didn’t know anyone who could relate to my situation. You’ve been right next door all this time.”

His eyes met mine. “Crazy, isn’t it?”





CHAPTER 7





Deacon



THE BLACK SWAN




It felt good to let it all out.

I’d wanted to tell Carys about my background for a while, but the timing was never right. When she invited me over for dinner, part of the reason I accepted was because I figured I’d have an opportunity to finally explain.

“From the moment you told me about your accident,” I said, “I’ve felt very connected to you, like maybe I was meant to meet you, because of our shared experience.”

I immediately regretted those words. Too intense. They were the truth, but I didn’t want her to take them the wrong way. Meant to meet you.

I corrected, “I don’t mean to sound—”

“Misery loves company. I get it.” She smiled. “I’m really happy you told me.”

She placed her delicate hand on my arm. I wished she wouldn’t touch me, because my body reacted every time she did. I had no business feeling that way about Carys. My attraction to her made things uncomfortable. She was the first woman since probably high school who I truly considered a friend. And the whole friendship thing would be a heck of a lot less complicated if I didn’t constantly imagine what her ballerina body would feel like under mine.

She was like no other woman I’d ever encountered. Carys was elegant as hell. Long, beautiful neck. Soft, porcelain skin. Hair like silk. Didn’t need a drop of makeup. But it wasn’t only those physical things. Her elegance was more inside than out. It was the way she carried herself. If there was one word to describe her, it was graceful.

It was hard not to notice her beauty on an average day. But tonight she was playing up her sexuality with those damn knee-high black boots and slinky gray dress that hugged her body. I couldn’t stop staring at her, and I really hoped she didn’t sense anything, because that would make things awkward.

Carys was off limits. She didn’t need to mess around with someone who hadn’t been capable of holding down a relationship in nearly a decade.

You got that, Deacon?

“You know why else I’m glad you told me?” she asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Why?”

“Because now I know I can’t put up a front around you. I often try to give the impression that I’m okay with what happened to my career, that being a mother to Sunny more than makes up for everything I might have missed out on. But the truth is, I’m trying to make myself believe it more than anything. Someone who’s lost their identity in a similar way knows better than to buy into that so easily.”