Such a Quiet Place: A Novel(48)

“Get the fuck out of here,” I said, the words barely audible. Out of this party, out of my home, out of my life.

“Come on, Ruby,” Mac said once more, arm out like he was the one who could calm her. His hand made contact with her arm, and she flinched. “Don’t,” she said, and I wondered suddenly how much he had hurt her. How much she had the capacity to let herself be hurt. I’d thought she didn’t have it in her anymore. That she had hardened herself, by necessity, for her survival.

“Please,” he said, and this time she followed him. Out the pool gate, down the trail, to the water’s edge. I couldn’t see them clearly through the trees. Couldn’t tell whether she was taking a few deep breaths or whether he was talking her down. What she was saying in response. Until I saw her head lower, her shoulders contract, and her body retreat into Mac’s chest, where his arms wrapped around her back.

In the silence, Tate refilled the container of lemonade from her cooler under the table. “I see she hasn’t changed,” she mumbled, and someone laughed, the tension dissipating.

My hands still shook from the adrenaline, and I felt lost, ungrounded. Ruby’s words returning again so I could see myself only as she might. Seeing only what I didn’t want to be. What I couldn’t be. A career helping others begin the next stage of life but neglecting my own in the process. Staying on the same path, letting the momentum carry me, so I wouldn’t have to look too closely.

“Harper?” Javier had taken over at the grill, flipping the burgers. “Cheese on your burger?” He tipped his head, his dark eyes friendly, like nothing had happened. Like we were all expected to resume our roles now; we’d settled something, dealt with it, and could continue on.

My stomach rolled. “No, thanks,” I said.

I looked around for my blue mug, which I’d left on the white folding table, but I couldn’t find it. I only saw the purple one, left on the concrete, behind a chair; Ruby must’ve misplaced hers and taken mine. I rinsed hers out in the water fountain, where Charlotte was refilling two plastic cups for the girls. She gave me a sympathetic smile as I scooped up the water, letting it run down the back of my neck. I filled the cup with Tate’s lemonade after—it really was the better one.

Preston stood beside me, held out a bottle of vodka. “Tell me when,” he said as he poured.

“When,” I said, but he kept going. Gave me a knowing grin. Chucked me on the chin like I was a kid who needed a pick-me-up.

I followed his gaze to where Mac and Ruby were walking back up the path, side by side, in silence.

Whitney called out to Preston from the lounge chair, plastic cup held forward. “Me, too, please.”

Preston smirked and rolled his eyes. “Think again, little one.” And she did, giving him a glowing grin, holding out her cup once more, smiling at his husky laugh as he turned away. A cycle I’d seen before.

Charlotte passed behind me a moment later, squeezing my shoulder. “You okay?” she asked, leaning close—closer than she’d ever been. The way I’d imagine she’d whisper to her daughters, something private and comforting.

As if, finally, I had earned my way back into the fold. The price: shame and public embarrassment, for which I would be welcomed with shoulder pats and chin taps, words of encouragement, the knowledge that I was one of them now.

I nodded, reached a hand for hers, and squeezed back.

Ruby and Mac drifted apart as they passed through the pool gate, neither looking my way. I drank half the cup in several large gulps, then found myself leaning back against the iron bars, Chase beside me.

“Hey,” he said slowly, like he was testing me out. “I’m sorry about last night. I went about it the wrong way.”

“Did you know about her and Aidan?”

He turned away, staring straight ahead. “God, that was so long ago. I heard rumors, yeah. But I heard rumors about a lot of things.”

“Did Mac know, too?” I watched him across the pool, standing off to the side, by himself. I wondered if I’d underestimated him. Whether he knew my weak spots and exploited them.

There was a boys’ club here, I could see that now. Even back when Aidan was here, with Javier and Preston and Chase. They’d known he was going to leave before I did. God, even Paul Wellman was probably a part of it. Mac must’ve known. The groups in this neighborhood were not by household unit. They never had been. Those might fracture and strain. But there was a web below that held us together. Held us in place.

Chase’s gaze followed mine to the crowd watching the sky with anticipation. “I don’t know what Mac knows. Never did. He’s not really one for gossip.” He took a deep breath. “Listen, Harper, I need to explain, what you heard that night…” He cleared his throat. “When I said Keep it simple, it was about this stuff. Some of the guys back then wanted to bring up all these rumors we couldn’t prove, but they weren’t really relevant, other than showing she was a pretty shitty person. But that’s all smoke and mirrors and detracts from the simple truth. The solid evidence. And maybe I overstepped because I live here and you all know me, but I thought I was doing the right thing.” He turned to face me. “I still think it was the right thing.”

I couldn’t take a deep breath—coming face-to-face with all the things I hadn’t seen. How wrong I had been about so much. “I made a mistake,” I said, which was maybe the most honest thing I’d ever said to Chase. And right then I felt like he was the one who could absolve me.