Stay with Me (Wait for You, #3)(110)

God, only he could look so freaking, ridiculously sexy after getting only a few hours of sleep, with his hair sticking up everywhere and a rough stubble across his jaw. For a moment, I got kind of lost staring at him and then I realized he was staring at my back. For real. Tension crept into my shoulders, and after what felt like a lifetime, his gaze found mine.

And I said what I needed to say. “I don’t like this.”

His expression tightened. “Why, baby?”

I knew from the way he’d asked, the question was genuine, and for some reason, that created that damn ball in my throat. My arms slid out and I rested my cheek back on the pillow. “It’s ugly,” I whispered.

Jax was quiet as he brushed a few strands of my hair back. “Do you know what I see when I see your back?”

“That it kind of looks like the Appalachian Mountains on a map?” I joked, but it fell flat as an iron.

“No, honey.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to be honest, okay? I’m not going to sit here and tell you that what I see right now is easy to look at.”

Oh God. My heart dropped and I thought I might hurl.

“But it’s not the reasons you think,” he continued, and then I felt it, his hand over the worst part of my back, and my entire body seemed to have a reflexive curl, but I couldn’t go anywhere, because he was practically lying on me. “When I see your back, what I think about is the pain you had to have experienced. I don’t personally know what it feels like, but I had hot shrapnel rip through my skin, and I’m sure that wasn’t even a ball’s hair worth of what you felt. But when the bomb went off in the desert, I saw soldiers—my friends—catch on fire.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, but his words sparked images I didn’t want to see but needed to.

“And I know that there is no amount of pain meds that really dulls these kinds of burns and you lived through that. That’s what I think about when I see them. And I also think about how these f*cking scars shaped your life. How they’ve beaten you down when you still are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen and these scars don’t even touch that. They aren’t anything compared to your smile or your pretty blue eyes or that sweet ass.”

Oh my God.

He wasn’t done. “You know what else I see? A physical reminder of how f*cking strong you are, Calla, how f*cking brave you are. That’s what I see when I look at your back. A map of how brave you are, your strength and your courage.”

Oh my God.

Tears pricked at my eyes. That ball of emotion was at my throat again, ready to pour forth and flood the earth.

“And that shit isn’t ugly.” His voice dropped to a whisper.

I twisted, pushing up on my elbows, and looked over my shoulder at him again. His face blurred. “Jax . . .”

“That shit is beautiful in its own way, but still f*cking beautiful.”

Some of the tears spilled over, and I knew I was really going to start sobbing, because that was the most perfect thing I’d ever heard, and all I could say was a lame “Thank you.”

One side of his lips kicked up.

I wanted to say more and I was so going to cry more, and it was a good thing that his phone started ringing, because I was seconds away from telling him that I loved him and wanted to have his babies. Not have his babies right now, but later, and I figured that might’ve been too soon to say something like that, but oh God, I did love him.

Jax ignored his phone as he rolled me onto my back. “I think you get it.” Leaning onto one arm pressed into the pillow, he brushed away the tears with his other hand. “Finally.”

A little kernel of “getting it” was there, and it was small and fragile, but it was there, pitted in my stomach like a little seed that just started to sprout. It needed love and care, but I was starting to get it.

He grinned and said, “Yeah.” Then he dipped his head, kissing my left cheek just as his phone started ringing again. He pulled back, shooting a glare in the direction of the nightstand.

“You should get that.” My voice was thick.

Jax really didn’t look like he wanted to, but with a curse, he shifted off me and snatched his phone. He answered the call with a “What?”

I’d just settled back against the pillow, about to replay his whole speech over again in a slightly obsessive way, when Jax suddenly sat up. “What?”

The tone of his voice caused a rush of unease, and I reacted to it. Sitting up, I grabbed the sheet and tugged it to my breasts.

“Yeah, I’m Jackson James. What’s going on?” There was a stretch of silence and then he was on his feet, and I was staring at his firm ass. He glanced over his shoulder at me, his jaw hard. “Yes. Thank you. Yep.”

“What’s going on?” I asked as soon as he lowered the phone.

Jax grabbed his jeans and briefs off the floor. “You got to get up and get dressed, honey.”

The tone of his voice brooked no room for argument and I knew something was up, and I did what I was told. I tossed the covers and stood. Jax already had his jeans on when he was suddenly in front of me.

The air left me when I saw the look in his eyes. Oh no. My heart kicked up. “It’s Mom, isn’t it? They’ve found her bo—”

“No, honey, it’s not your mom.” He cupped my cheeks, his eyes searching mine. “It’s Clyde. And it’s serious. He had a heart attack.”