Star Cursed (Zodiac Wolves #2)(43)

All sorts of emotions bounced around inside me, and I couldn't focus on any single one of them. In a way, it was nice to come back to this place where I'd spent most of my life. This home was all that I'd known, and I did have some happy memories inside it. Of course, they'd all been with Wesley, and at that thought, the heavy weight of my grief nearly crushed me. There were bad memories too, of course. All the times my parents had been cruel with their words or their hands. Or in other ways, the more subtle yet more painful ones, like when Wesley got Christmas presents and I didn't. Or how he was in every single family photo hanging on the walls here, but I was nowhere to be found.

Being back in this house made me so angry, and sad, and relieved that they were gone, and guilty for feeling that way, and so many other emotions I didn't even have a name for. I nearly bolted out, too overwhelmed by it all, until Kaden rested his hand on my lower back as if he knew I needed his support.

"Breathe," he said. "If it's too much, we can go."

I nodded, taking a long, slow breath, and pushed through the turmoil inside me. I wasn't sure I'd be able to sleep in this house tonight, but we should at least visit my room before we left. "I'm all right. Thanks."

I drew my shoulders back and set my jaw as we headed up the stairs. My parents' door was closed, which I was thankful for—I didn't need to see anything in there. Wesley's old room, which Dad had converted to a guest room, was open, but I kept going until I reached my door at the end.

My room was the smallest, barely larger than a closet. It was also bare except for the bed, nightstand, and dresser, with nothing on the walls. I glanced around, an odd sense of nostalgia washing over me. How many times had I walked in here after a long day, cradling my camera and thinking about how I wanted to escape all this at the Convergence? Well, I'd definitely escaped, though not at all how I'd expected.

I shook the memories away and got to work, rooting through my drawers for anything I'd left behind. I'd taken all my best shoes and clothes to the Convergence in the hopes of moving to a new pack, but I found a couple of things—a ratty pair of underwear, some socks with holes in the toes, and two t-shirts that were slightly too small for me. A pair of worn flip-flops peeked out from under my bed, along with an old My Little Pony backpack from when I was a kid. Better than nothing.

“This was your room?” Kaden asked. He sounded almost shocked, as if he couldn’t believe I’d been living in a place like this for the first twenty-two years of my life.

“Yeah, why?” I suddenly realized how small it was, and how worn-down the clothes I’d put in the backpack were. Compared to the wealth on display in the rest of the house, it was pretty shameful. Maybe he'd never realized just how different our upbringings were until now.

“It’s so…” he paused. “Lifeless, compared to you. So bare. You really lived here for the first part of your life?”

“Yeah, although most of my possessions are missing,” I said wryly. “I lost them at the Convergence. Not that I had much to begin with. My parents never let me be myself, not really. I was always more of an unwanted guest in their house, the half-breed that Dad liked to pretend didn't exist. A mistake that was better out of sight, out of mind.”

Kaden let out a growl, and his hands were balled into tight fists, anger radiating off him like heatwaves. “You should never have been treated that way,” he said, with such vindication that it shook me. “If he wasn’t already dead, I’d challenge him as alpha right here, right now."

“Down, boy,” I said as I punched Kaden lightly in the arm. But even as Kaden glowered at me, I couldn’t help the smile that lifted my lips. I was secretly pleased that he’d be willing to do that for me.

Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye, something peeking out from under my pink pillow, now faded almost to white from too many washings. I lifted it up, surprised to see a photograph sitting there. I picked it up with shaking fingers as I took in Wesley’s smiling face, drinking in the familiar features greedily. I had no pictures of him anymore, and even though there were other photos of him in the house, this was the only one I was in too.

In the photo we were on the beach of Nereus Island, which was an hour's boat ride away from here. We’d visited almost every year for vacation until Wesley went to college, and I guessed I was about fourteen here, which put Wesley at eighteen. He had his arm slung around my shoulders and grinned at the camera broadly. I looked a little subdued, but even I was smiling wide. He’d just told me a joke before Jackie snapped the picture, to be sure that my smile would be broader than usual.

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes as I remembered the moment. I could hear the scream of seagulls overhead and taste the salt in the air as if I were there now. It was the last vacation we’d taken together as a family, and one of my happiest memories of my brother.

“I miss him so much,” I whispered. I’d thought about his death all the time, but admitting it out loud unlocked some part of me that I tried to keep under wraps. Tears poured down my cheeks, and Kaden’s arms wrapped around me from behind. I turned and pressed my face against him, letting the grief wash over me. Kaden didn’t say anything, but his presence was enough.

I pulled back and wiped at my eyes, opening my mouth to apologize to Kaden for using him as my personal tissue, but then I frowned down at the photograph. “I didn’t leave this here."