Spells for Forgetting(87)

“But you kept them,” I said

She shifted on the stool, her cheeks flushing a little.

“Dutch said you wouldn’t marry him. Why?”

“Because I don’t love him.”

“You guys have been together for years. Why couldn’t you love him?”

She stared at me, unblinking.

I’d known the moment I saw her standing in the road after I arrived on the island. I’d known it the first time I kissed her. The first time I’d told her that I loved her. I couldn’t be anyone else’s because I was hers. I’d always be hers. If she wasn’t going to say it, then I would.

“I know we’ve both had a life since the last time we were together, but I’m so tired of being without you. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

The faintest trace of a smile surfaced on her lips. “Where would we go?”

The dread I’d felt as I said the words dissolved. She wasn’t saying yes, but she wasn’t saying no, either.

“My life is in Portland. But I’ll make a new one anywhere with you.”

She fell silent again, but I could see the flood of thoughts lit behind her eyes.

“I still love you, so how much has changed, really?”

“I don’t know,” she said, her voice small.

I wasn’t asking a small thing. And it wasn’t as simple as a yes or a no. There was her dad. Albertine. Nixie. The shop. And it would take time for her to trust me again, if she ever could. I hadn’t thought for even a second when I got off the ferry that I would be standing here. But it was also all I’d ever wanted.

“Will you think about it?”

She pressed her fingers to her mouth, staring out the window for a long moment before she answered. Her hands folded beneath her chin as her eyes focused on me.

“Yes.”





Fifty-One


    SIX HOURS BEFORE THE FIRE


   EMERY


The whole town was at the pub. I filled glass after glass with beer from the tap as my father took orders with a rag thrown over one shoulder. The sound of the busy kitchen clanged behind me. All the families had come for lunch after graduation, and my classmates were still dressed in their nice clothes. I, on the other hand, smelled like spilled beer and the stew that was cooking on the stove.

In a few hours, everyone would gather at the orchard for a bonfire and dinner before some of the parents ended up back here for a nightcap and most of the graduates would head to the beach.

I hadn’t really thought about missing any of my classmates. As only children with no siblings, August, Dutch, Lily, and I had kept to ourselves for the most part through the years, making our own kind of little family. A few of the kids from our school would head to college in the fall, including Dutch, to everyone’s surprise. The others would stay on the island and start working for their parents or for the orchard. Lily would be among them. As far as she knew, so would August and me.

Just as I thought it, she came through the door and a wall of sunlight spilled into the pub, pooling on the wood floor. She scanned the tables until she spotted me and her hand shot into the air, waving.

My stomach immediately dropped, making me feel sick. I hadn’t told her yet that we were leaving, and it was less about the secret than it was dreading her reaction. She was fun and fiery and spontaneous. She was also self-centered, and terrified of being alone. Lily would be angry. There was no doubt about that. But I wouldn’t have to be here, forced to endure the fallout of the news.

“Go ahead, honey.” Dad took the full glass from my hand, jerking his chin toward the empty booth in the corner. “I’ll bring you guys a couple of burgers.”

“Are you sure?” I said, half hoping he’d force me to stay behind the bar.

“Go, Em. I got it.”

“Thanks, Daddy.” I reluctantly untied the apron from around my waist.

I grabbed two bottles of soda from the icebox in the back and followed Lily to the booth, climbing in on one side while she took the other. She immediately reached for a sugar packet and tore open the corner, sprinkling it into her mouth. It was one of those little rituals—things that never changed. Until now.

“Sorry I’m late.” She groaned. “My parents made me take a million pictures in that stupid robe.”

“It’s okay. My dad needed my help anyway.”

She sat up straighter, eyes sparkling as she tapped her fingers together in front of her. “Okay, so what’s the big news? I’m dying here!”

I lifted the bottle from the table, staring at the wet ring it left behind. I hadn’t really decided how to say it, but I was out of time to figure it out. There was no good way to break it to her.

“Come on!” She plucked another sugar packet from the bowl. “The suspense has been killing me.”

“Well,” I forced a smile. “It’s big.”

“Okay…” She was getting more excited by the minute. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

I leaned forward. “August and I are leaving tomorrow.”

Her smile faltered a little. “Oh.” She didn’t even try to hide her disappointment. But she seemed more annoyed than hurt. “To go where?”

“Seattle.”