Space (Laws of Physics #2)(22)

I let her claim—that it was seventy-five percent my song—go, even though it wasn’t true. Most of the words were mine, true. But Kaitlyn had helped me fine-tune the lyrics. Her vocabulary was crazy, which made sense. She had this game, where she’d chant synonyms, when she was nervous.

“By BFD, you mean big fucking deal?” I smiled at my friend, lifting my eyebrows.

Kaitlyn hated curse words, which was why I usually never cussed in front of her. But I did enjoy teasing her for this peculiarity in her personality from time to time.

She wrinkled her nose, right on cue. “No. By BFD, I mean a beautiful fantastic delight.”

“Suuure.” I crossed my arms, my eyelids dropping.

She mimicked my pose and expression. “Look, all I’m saying is that you are winning at winning. You’re in Aspen. At DJ Tang and Exotica’s mansion with your awesome friends and bandmates. You’re about to go on a world tour with said bandmates. Your songs are everywhere. You have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

I frowned, dropping my eyes to the piano, the last words she’d spoken echoing within my mind, sounding lonely and untrue. A memory—the memory of Mona pretending to be Lisa I contemplated most frequently—materialized. It was the moment after she’d apologized for Lisa’s behavior, standing on the second-floor landing outside Lisa’s room, how horrified she’d been, shocked, remorseful.

I replayed it often, the way she’d sucked in a startled breath, the anguish—for me—plain on her features. Everything else, I questioned. Every other interaction, I’d easily convinced myself was false, a charade, part of her act.

But that moment—

Kaitlyn poked my shoulder, drawing my gaze back to hers which was now squinted, her lips a stern line.

“Is this about that woman?”

I stiffened, turning my face and glaring at her from the side. “What?”

“You know. That woman.” She gave me a look like, you know what I’m talking about. “The one you’ve been trying to get over since forever?”

I tried to shush her.

She kept talking, “The one you wrote all those songs—awesome songs BTW—about? The someone worth hurting for? The woman—”

“God, shut up.” I covered her mouth with my hand, glancing around, because her voice wasn’t quiet. I swear, sometimes she was like an irritating little sister.

Arching her eyebrows, she waited, blinking slowly.

Dropping my voice to a whisper, I lowered my hand. “Don’t . . . don’t bring that up.”

She shook her head at me, her mouth a flat line, and then turned her attention back to the piano, playing the theme to the movie Love Story. “Oh, the angst! THE DRAMA!”

“Shut up,” I said, glaring at her, trying not to laugh.

“Come on, Abram. Cheer up.” Kaitlyn nudged my elbow, switching to ‘The Entertainer.’ “Turn that frown upside down. Don’t make me say something nice about you, you know I hate it,” she teased.

I gave in to a small laugh, shaking my head. “Fine. I’m happy. This is me happy. I have everything I’ve ever wanted.” Sarcasm wasn’t technically a lie.

A genuine frown invaded her usually sunny expression while she inspected me. “Yes. You do. Maybe take a moment to recognize how far you’ve come. No more fistfights, no more arrests. No more gig weddings and corporate parties. Now you’re six months without even a cigarette. And! No more playing Def Leppard covers.”

“Those were dark days,” I agreed with mock solemnity. “Except for the Def Leppard.”

She ignored me, but she did crack a small smile. “You have it all. So maybe, possibly, perchance just . . . enjoy it?”

I nodded thoughtfully. My friend was right. I had everything I wanted.

Stop thinking about her.

Well, everything I wanted, almost.





5





Electromagnetic Waves





*Mona*





“Are you okay?”

I nodded, continuing to stare out the window at the flecks of white appearing, and then disappearing. We were in my room—the room I’d be staying in—which was the largest room in the house. It wasn’t, oddly enough, the room my parents typically used. My parents preferred the master suite on the main level in this house. I wasn’t sure why. I’d never given it much thought.

“Mona.” Allyn placed her hand on my knee, and I flinched, my eyes darting to hers. She looked concerned. Really concerned. “You, uh, haven’t said anything since Leo brought you inside.”

Her statement was accurate, so I nodded. Again.

Allyn’s expression grew pained and she did a squirmy little dance in the window seat where she sat facing me. I watched her, though it felt like she was behind some kind of filter, fuzzy, distant.

But then she blurted, “What happened? Why were you yelling? What is going on? Why aren’t you talking? Are you sure you’re okay?”

Abruptly, Allyn, the room, the cold, time, and my position relative to all four came into focus. Also in focus? The hot, leaden weight on my chest. It was an invisible weight, and I hypothesized that all dark matter were actually feelings, clustering and pressing upon hapless humans during the most inconvenient of times. Perhaps dark matter was attracted to heartache?