Space (Laws of Physics #2)(2)

“I do know it!” Gabby yell-yelled. She took a few rushing steps forward, causing me to lean back. “You think he has feelings for you? Well, guess what? That doesn’t make you special. I tried to warn you, this is what he does! Everyone is in love with him. He doesn’t care about you. You’re just another one to him. But, I can guarantee you, he’ll definitely care about being lied to. He’ll be super pissed about that. And if you think he’ll ever forgive you, you’re out of your mind. He’ll hate you forever.”

My heart was beating out of my chest, each thump enormously painful, and I was breathing like I’d just run a race. It was on the tip of my tongue to reject her words, because I knew Abram. He wasn’t like that. He’d forgive me. He’d keep—

“And for what? To clear your conscience?” Gabby asked shrilly, laughing again. “Typical Mona Mary Sue bullshit. You think you’re doing the right thing? Well, you’re not. You’re doing what you think is the right thing for you. You couldn’t care less about what will happen to Lisa, but it’s going to blow up in your face. You’ve known him for six days. Six days! And you’re choosing him over your twin sister? You’re the one who is selfish. You’re the reason Lisa was sent to boarding school when we were kids, and you’ll be the reason she’s banished now!”

“Okay, enough!” Lisa had stood at some point and she paired this proclamation with a double hand swipe, cutting her arms through the air and sending Gabby a fierce look. “That’s enough, Gabby. I know you’re trying to help, but you’re not.”

I blinked against hot tears, berating myself for all this confounded crying. I’d cried—or wanted to cry—more in the last twenty-four hours than I had in the previous ten years.

Something is wrong with me. I don’t know who I am, but I’m not myself.

“Just . . .” I heard Lisa sigh and I looked at her, she was shaking her head tiredly. “Be quiet for a minute and let me talk to Mona, okay?”

Gabby nodded stiffly, and then sent me a cutting look, turning and pacing to the other side of the room. Meanwhile, Lisa sat next to me on the bed and pinched the bridge of her nose. I took a moment to look at my sister, to really look at her.

Her hair was dull, lifeless. She wore eye makeup, but more concealer than liner. Even with all the concealer, I could still make out the dark circles under her eyes. Her lips were thinned, pale. She looked exhausted, overwhelmed, and my thumping heart twinged painfully.

Was Gabby right? Was I being selfish? And why was I so sure of Abram? You’ve known him for six days, and you’re choosing him over your sister.

I couldn’t think. Everything was a mess. This is why I hate messes!

Lisa was taking deep breaths, frowning at whatever internal thoughts she was having.

“Lisa,” I said unthinkingly, wanting to explain before she made up her mind about anything. But when she lifted her eyes, all I could think to say was, “I’m sorry.”

Her shoulders sagged and the side of her mouth tugged upward in a sad smile. “Don’t apologize, Mona. God, don’t ever apologize to me. I—” She sighed, a full body sigh, her eyes glassy. “Listen, I don’t know what happened, or what’s going on with you. I’m tired. I’m so tired, I’m trying to think. But I do know one thing: I hate the person I’ve become.”

She blurred in my vision until I blinked, two fat tears rolling down my face.

She shook her head at me. “Don’t be sad, and please don’t be sorry. I’m sorry I put you in this position, and I’m sorry you’re upset now. This is my fault, not yours.”

“Lisa—”

“No, listen. If you want to tell him—Abram—the truth, that’s up to you. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last week and I can’t keep living like this, being like this. I trust your judgment a hell of a lot more than I trust my own. I just want you to know, I won’t be upset. I won’t blame you, no matter what happens. This is my fault, these were my choices, and you shouldn’t have to pay for them.”

I heard Gabby make a scoffing noise, like a growl, and Lisa turned to frown at her friend. “Gabby!” Her voice held a warning. “You need to let it go too.”

Gabby crossed her arms and shook her head in a quick, jerky movement. “No. This is bullshit, and you know it!” And then she turned to me. “I don’t trust your judgment. Your judgment is why the three of us were separated and Lisa was sent away.” Her tone wavered, had turned quiet and earnest, her eyes were watery with unshed tears and her nose had turned red, her skin splotchy. “You think Lisa is the only one who lost her family after that? What do you think happened to me? I lost you both. I lost everything. Just . . . don’t. Please don’t do this again.”

A sudden pain seized my chest and I winced at the raw helplessness in her voice, at the pleading I heard in her words.

But she wasn’t finished. “Your judgment is telling you that Abram will forgive you when I’m telling you—since I actually know him—that he will not. He. Will. Not. He is the most unforgiving person I’ve ever met. I have been trying to tell you from the start not to trust him, and—”

“That’s it, Gabby.” Lisa cut in, standing and walking to the door. “You know I love you, but you can’t put this on Mona.” My sister opened the door and gestured to the hall. “Can you wait downstairs?”