Somewhere Only We Know(77)

“You’ve always been,” I said without thinking.

Even in the dim lighting, I could tell she was blushing. That small sign bolstered me and I reached for her hand—my fingers gently lacing with hers. “I’m proud of you.”

She looked down at our hands and gave mine a tight squeeze. I held my breath. “That’s nice. But I’m starving and we should go eat after this,” she said.

I laughed. “Of course we will.”

“CATHERINE!” A man’s voice boomed through the bar and we pulled apart.

Catherine rolled her eyes. “I have to go.” The familiarity of the words, the shortness of our time together, came back like a spectral presence lingering between us. “Wait for me?” she asked.

I nodded. “I’ll be here.”

Her eyes flashed and before I could react, she reached up and kissed me. Hard. It was the kiss of an outlaw, of a soldier back from war. I gladly submitted, letting her wrap her arms around me, feeling her body lift up as she stood on her toes to reach me.

“Um, I hope you don’t have a girlfriend,” she said breathlessly when we broke apart.

I shook my head with a laugh. “No. Not yet.”

We looked at each other for a long time.

“New city, new start,” she finally said. Her brow furrowed in thought for a second. “Let’s pretend that kiss didn’t happen.”

I bit back laughter and she lifted the curtain to step outside. But she stopped mid-step. She turned and looked at me with an odd expression. Her gaze moved from my face to my chest. My T-shirt.

“UCLA?” she asked, eyes lifting back up to mine.

Right. “There’s a lot to catch up on.”

It was like a light came on within her—she started to glow and radiate with a warmth that filled me with the most unfamiliar feeling. Pride. In myself.

We held that moment for one absolutely perfect second before she ducked out.

It came back then—every single feeling from that day one year ago. I had moved on, figured my stuff out. Pretty sure Catherine did the same. Even if it had been the most intense day of my life, it was still one day.

The I love you I had scrawled on the back of that photo sometimes woke me up in the middle of the night. I had wished the earth would open up and swallow me and my bed whole.

Otherwise, though, that day managed to fade into a pleasant memory. A memory as I applied to colleges the following winter. As I sent the photos of Catherine, of Lucky, out to various magazines. As I negotiated with my parents about college—they would let me double-major in photography with another more practical subject. So I had decided on UCLA, to pair photography with journalism. At the time, I convinced myself I didn’t pick UCLA because of Catherine. I almost believed it.

After living in LA for a month, I came across Catherine’s first Instagram post about her secret shows. It seemed impossible to get in, so I had ignored it at the time. Moving back to the US had been so nuts that I actually didn’t have much time to think about the fact that we were in the same city.

The third time she posted, though, I entered. With zero expectations. I thought we’d exchange a hug and I’d be able to apologize and let that day go.

Now that we were back in the same room, though? It was so clear that our feelings had been simmering right under the surface. Catherine wasn’t someone I could forget.

I watched her step up lightly back onstage, that happy glow still radiating from her as she sat down on her stool and picked up her guitar.

This feeling right now? The tingles and light-headedness?

It was the anticipation of something extraordinary.

Something special with another human being who was going to leave an indelible mark on your life and change you forever. Drawn together by an otherworldly force. I recognized it for the first time in my life.

We would start again, and do it with eyes wide open.

“Hi, sorry for the interruption,” she said into the mic. She glanced up at me. “But I’m yours for the rest of the night.”





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS


BTS has their ARMY, and I have mine.

Thank you to Judith Hansen, who has believed in me since day one. I am so grateful for everything.

I feel incredibly lucky to work with Janine O’Malley and Melissa Warten. Thank you for your editorial expertise, chill reactions to my nonchill, and enthusiasm for my books. So much gratitude to the entire Macmillan team for getting these words out to the world. Special thanks to Elizabeth Clark, Brittany Pearlman, Madison Furr, Allegra Green, Lauren Festa, Lucy del Priore, Katie Halata, Kerianne Steinberg, Janine Barlow, and Jessica White.

Thank you to Faye Bender. So excited for everything to come.

A couple years ago, I needed an education in K-pop, and woo, boy, did I get one. Thank you to K-pop Twitter for coming through. To Amerie, Nahri Lee, Lisa Espinosa, and Asela Lee. Special thanks to Tamar Herman for her expertise and guidance through this fascinating world. Thanks to Sunmi and Neon Bunny for the music.

I fell in love with Hong Kong while writing this book. Thank you to Kita Huynh, Morgan Chevassus, and Diana Jou for navigating me through this magical city. Thank you to Gustav Lindquist and Yujin Choo for the extra help.

As always, thank you to all the booksellers, librarians, teachers, bloggers, and readers who have supported my books over the years. I am incredibly grateful for all of you.