Smoke and Wishes (Best Wishes #1)(58)

“Oh, look who it is!” Hudson broke out of Dante’s arms to throw his own out wide. I guess Dante didn’t think he would be much of a threat with me in the middle. “Hey, Lucie, were you going to tell us you fucked them? Or were you just going to make your rounds, princess?” His voice was very slurred, eyes bloodshot as he looked at me. Who the hell does he think he is?

“I’m only going to say this once, Hudson, so you better be fucking listening,” I stepped up to him until we were almost flush to one another. My harsh tone kept his attention on me. “No one, and I mean no one will ever get to dictate what I can or can’t do with whoever I do or don’t want to do it with. I’m a fucking adult just like you, and you don’t see me picking fights over your fucking bitch of a girlfriend, do you?” The anger and heartache I felt towards him had me shaking, but I pushed on. He needed to hear this as much as I needed to say it.

“I suggest you keep your judgmental bullshit to yourself in the future and don’t come at them or me again. Quit being such a fucking asshole. You used me, Hudson. Every look, every touch, every time you told me I was beautiful. It was just some weird way for you to one-up the other guys.” Now he stepped back, the look on his face was a mix of horror and guilt. Lowering my voice, I didn't consciously decide to say the next part, but since the Khol game when I realized that what he had been doing, it had been bothering me.

“If anyone has taken advantage of me or my feelings, it was you.” I stepped back, worried that if I continued, my anger would give way to the panic gnawing at me, the memories of the confrontation I’d had with Noah pushing their way forward. “Goodbye, Hudson,” I turned on my heel and walked away from them. The night air chilled the sweat coating my body when the reality of the situation crashed down on me. What have I done?





17





October 15th

Monday Midday

Lucienne





Everyone’s conversations and monotonous daily tasks merged to create an almost soothing white noise. The dining hall buzzed with people fluttering in and out. Some of the tables held groups of students who had a lull between classes, while others grabbed something quick through the line before immediately leaving. Staring at nothing in particular, the movements of the room were a blur from my spot in the back corner. I’d been operating on autopilot, going to class while avoiding the guys at all costs. Skipping my power testing, isolating myself in my shared classes, because I couldn’t bring myself to talk to them after that night at the party. Shame, embarrassment, guilt, and fear all swirled through me whenever I saw them.

Each time I’ve caught a glimpse of my guys they were separated; the twins on their own, Cam and Nik together, Dante alone, and then Hudson with Brittney. I have no idea if they were trying to work it out, but I couldn’t help but feel responsible even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. Well, I probably could have handled Hudson’s drunk outburst better. I groaned, guilt eating away at my empty stomach. All of them, excluding Hudson, had tried to reach out to me. My heart ached at knowing they wanted to talk things out, but Claire’s threat rang clearly in my ears. I didn’t want this distance between us, any of us. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything about it. Am I being smart...or am I once again allowing an outside force to dictate my life?

“Miss Lucie, would it be alright if I joined you for lunch?” Startled, I glanced up to find the front desk secretary from the Administration building, Jonathon Reiter, standing in front of my table holding a tray piled with food. I nodded and went back to fiddling with my applesauce. “Is everything alright, Lucie? You didn’t come by the office for your session with Dean Renaud on Friday, and Professor George said you haven’t come to power testing the last couple weeks. Is something going on?” His wobbly voice was soft and kind, not holding judgment.

I knew the dark circles under my eyes were prominent, my hair was more of a mess than usual, and my clothes were hanging looser on my already thin frame. I hadn’t been sleeping or eating much in the last week. Night terrors and the resulting stomach pains had been taking their toll. Jonathon began eating quietly as I figured out how to respond, the silence was comfortable. I stared at my tray not seeing any of it.

“I’m just having a rough go of it right now. I’ll be back to my normal schedule this week, Mr. Reiter,” fatigue bled through my slow response. Wayward tears filled my eyes as I thought about just how abnormal my week would be without my guys around. I had gotten a taste as normality and friendship, and now I craved it more than ever.

“Lucie dear, please call me Jonathon,” unsure of what to say I stared blankly at the spoon in my hand. His next statement caught me off guard, “I remember when I met the love of my life.” My brows furrowed as I waited, he paused his statement to take another bite. “You remind me of her. She was quiet and withdrawn, but she had this fire within her, you see. She’d had a rough couple of years when we met. But when she stood up, when she fought for herself, when that fire lit, she was unmatched.” Where was he going with this? “I see that ember in you, Lucie. I see the flame behind that quiet, shy outer shell,” glancing up at him, his gaze was penetrating, as if he could actually see into me. It made me straighten up from the hunched position over my tray, willing the words to be true.

“How would you know that?” I questioned, skeptical of his assessment. I’d only begun to fight for myself, and it took being torn to pieces and kicked around. Is it even worth it?