Smoke and Steel (Wild West MC #2)(40)

When he was taken away, she was six.

What does Hellen want?

Nanook took him out of his thoughts by jumping up to rest on his paws on Core’s lap.

He felt the vibe and he was worried about his dad.

“It’s okay, boy,” Core muttered, giving him another rub down.

Nanook jumped off and Core watched him trace back and forth from Core and the door.

He wanted them inside. He wanted his dad to let the day go.

He wanted him safe.

Core knew that.

So Core got up and gave his pup what he wanted.





10





GRENADES





Hellen





There was never a time when I wished I was a little less me.

Walking into Fortnum’s, seeing Bryan at a table with two drinks, one of them for me, I wished I was a little less me.

This was because his eyes moved over my body with appreciation and eagerness.

In order to help communicate what was going to happen during our chat, I tried to dress down, I really did.

But I’d ended up in red shorts, a red-and-white print blouse and a pair of open-toed, zebra-print, wedge sandals with ribbons that tied around my ankles.

I should have worn some joggers, but I never wore joggers outside the house unless I was taking a walk on a chilly day.

And I didn’t do it then, not only because it was late August in Denver, and it wasn’t a chilly day.

Because I couldn’t be anything else but me.

I approached Bryan.

He got up and moved in.

I tilted my head so he only got his lips on my cheek.

He schooled his face not to appear disappointed when I pulled away.

“Hey,” he greeted. “You look great.”

“Hey,” I replied.

I didn’t tell him he looked great, but he did. Dark hair styled with product. Khakis rolled and cuffed at the ankle. Button down that was such a light pink, it was almost white, but on his feet were pure white, leather sneakers.

He hadn’t shaved that day, like he did every day when he went to office or into court, and I knew he didn’t because he knew I liked scruff.

And he smelled good. Expensive. Not an outlay he’d make on himself, it was the cologne his mom bought him every birthday and for Christmas.

We sat.

He pushed my drink my way. “Got you covered.”

“Thanks,” I murmured, picking it up and sipping from it.

Minor score for him, he’d ordered me my favorite: a vanilla mocha skinny.

“Doing okay?” he asked.

No.

I was not.

I had this thing with him right now, for one.

I had a thing with my dad on Wednesday, for another.

Core had a beautiful dog.

Core lost his ever-loving mind at the very thought I might be in danger.

Being pressed to Core’s long, hard body was heaven, even if he wasn’t kissing me.

And Core knew how to take ownership of a woman’s hair.

Last, Core did not want me.

I was just one of the women he and his buds helped.

I was just another thing they did.

Granted, this last seemed at odds with him losing his shit about what Marcy, Bree and I did, and even more at odds with him containing me by pressing me to his body.

But the man was so protective of women, he looked in actual pain at the thought of allowing me to get into a freaking Uber, for goodness’ sakes.

I didn’t know what his deal was.

I just knew I’d never find out.

“Things have been better,” I answered Bryan.

At these words, he looked both concerned and hopeful.

The hope was hard to see.

I wasn’t going to lay my woes on him. I wasn’t going to lean on him. He wasn’t going to get the chance to make me feel better.

But he didn’t know that yet.

Okay, time to get this done.

I scootched closer to the table in my chair and sat up straighter in preparation to give it to him.

“I don’t like not being around for you to talk to,” Bryan announced before I could say anything.

I pressed my lips together.

“These last few days, knowing you were going through stuff, it fucked with my head.”

“Bryan—”

“I want you to marry me.”

I lurched with surprise my chair.

“I get it,” he said. “I’ve been a fucking idiot. But I get it now.”

“You get what?” I asked hesitantly.

“We were together for a while. We didn’t discuss moving forward. Me moving in. Our future.”

I opened my mouth.

“You were going to worry,” he stated. “Of course you were. I told you I loved you, but I wasn’t clear about where we were heading.”

Where we were heading.

Like he got to steer that course on his own.

I sat back, shifted my coffee cup this way and that. It was difficult. I’d spent time with this man. I liked him. I knew he loved me, and I wasn’t so over him that it didn’t hurt knowing that and knowing what was about to come for him.

Even so, I let him dig his own grave.

Or…dig it deeper.

Because seriously, even now, he was demonstrating he just…didn’t…listen to me.