Shattered Mirror (Eve Duncan #23)(89)

“Because I thought I had it all under control. I didn’t think I’d be dealing with you, too. I thought you’d find some young guy at your school, and maybe— No, I didn’t let myself think that, but that’s what should have happened.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m telling you that there’s no way I should ever be anything closer to you than what I’ve been during these last years. So get over it.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true.” His hands tightened on her shoulders. “I know you, and I know myself. You may have just stumbled on this page, but I’ve got it memorized. I’ve worked too hard to let you—”

“Shut up a minute.” She was gazing up at his face. “I’m confused, but I have to get this straight. You’re not like this with me. You’re usually not—” She was thinking back about what he’d said. There was something there, something to which she should pay attention. And then put it together with what she’d known about him through the years.

And then it did all come together. She stiffened in shock. She gazed up at him in disbelief.

“Jock?” But she had to be sure. She slowly reached up and pushed open his shirt. His body was so beautiful … every muscle defined, the lines full of grace and power.

“No.” His eyes were glaring down at her, his face tense. “No, Cara.”

“But I have to know.” She spread her fingers and put the palms of both her hands on his naked abdomen.

A long, shudder racked his body. She could feel his muscles tighten, twist beneath her fingers. She couldn’t breathe. She could feel his tension, and it was becoming her tension.

“How long?” she whispered.

“I don’t know,” he said jerkily, his gaze dropping to her hands on his body. “Far longer than you, I’m sure. I’m a man with the usual urges, and all of a sudden you weren’t a kid anymore. It shocked the hell out of me.” He pushed her hands away from his body. “Why do you think I’ve stayed away from you for the past couple years? I knew where it could end up, and I wasn’t going to allow it. I thought I could just keep us on an even balance, and you’d gradually just drift away from me as your career took precedence.”

“You had it all planned,” she said wonderingly. Her hands were no longer on his body. Why could she still feel the vibrant, tingling smoothness of his muscles on the skin of her palms? “But then you always did think ahead.”

“And you blame me for that?” His voice was suddenly harsh. “One of us had to look ahead. You wandered into my life all full of dreams and music and faith that I could do anything. But we both know what I do best, and there was no way I was going to let you stay too long or too close to me.”

Her lips twisted. “But I pulled the rug out from under you, didn’t I?”

“Maybe. It’s not going to work out like that now. We may be left with nothing. I didn’t want to lose you entirely.” He took a step back from her. “But perhaps in time I might be able to salvage—”

“You might be able?” She was suddenly angry. All the worry, the hurt, the helplessness she’d felt was hitting home. “You didn’t hear anything I said except about the sex. Maybe you thought that was all that was important. It was for me for a while because I thought it would destroy what we had together since that wasn’t what you wanted from me. But I told you I’d grown up, Jock.” Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “And what you want from me isn’t going to matter any longer. I have my own choices and decisions. I’ve been going through hell trying to come to terms with the most important relationship in my life, and I didn’t even have all the facts to do it. I was feeling desperate and inadequate, and I hate feeling like that.” She turned and opened the door. “So don’t try to tell me what you’re going to do. You left me entirely out of the decision process before. That won’t happen from now on. I’m upset, and I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. But I do know this. If there’s any salvaging to be done, it will be a joint venture. Providing I decide it’s worth my while to do it.” She slammed the door behind her.

*

Jock threw open the door and stood there on the step watching Cara run down the path toward the main house.

Son of a bitch!

His hands clenched into fists at his sides. He had screwed everything up tonight. He should have been cool, understanding, and big brotherly, convinced her that it was entirely natural for her to have certain feelings that would fade soon. But she had caught him off guard and blown him out of the water. He had tried so hard for so long to keep this from happening, and having it come from her instead of him had been too much to handle.

No, it hadn’t been too much, she had been too much. He had tried to keep her a child, keep her safe from the world … and from him. But he had been blind, and she had slipped away.

And put her hands on him.

He drew a harsh breath, his muscles clenching as the heat seared through him. It had nearly killed him not to reach out and take in that moment. But he hadn’t been able to not let her feel that need.

And he wasn’t in much better shape right now. He knew that house like the back of his hand. He could follow her, convince her, seduce her, take her, show her, make her give what he—