Shattered Mirror (Eve Duncan #23)(60)

“True. But perhaps not as quickly. And with much less satisfaction on my part. I was very frustrated when I left here, and I needed an outlet.”

“And did you get it?”

“Aye.” He looked beyond her at the door. “I need to see Joe. On the plane, I was going over the timeline of what had been happening, and I made a few phone calls. I think I have an idea of what’s been going on.”

She tensed. “What? Tell me.”

He moved toward the door. “Sure. Right after I talk to Joe and get his—”

“No. Now.” She moved between him and the door. “I want to know now.” First test, don’t worry about anything but being who she was and not what he wanted her to be. “I don’t want you to pat me on the head, I don’t want you to put me aside or set me on a shelf in some kind of crystal showcase. That’s what you do all the time, Jock, and it’s got to stop.”

He went still. “You’re being weird again. I know you’ve been upset by all that’s been going on, but this isn’t the time to get temperamental on me.”

“Temperamental?” She laughed incredulously. “I guess that’s an apt description of who you think I am. Just an artist, a musician, a dreamer, with all the emotional hang-ups that traditionally go along with it. Just a kid you have to protect because you think I can’t protect myself. You’ve done that ever since the day we first met.”

“You were a kid then. What did you expect?”

“Nothing. I suppose you’re not that different from anyone else. Darcy and Eve have been hovering over me all day.”

“Good for them. You’re a target, dammit.”

“But I’m no longer a kid,” she said fiercely. “I have to accept responsibility for myself. I can’t let you or Joe or Eve wrap me in cotton wool. For God’s sake, even Kaskov treats me like a doll he takes out to play with and puts away when I bore him. Perhaps I bore you, too, Jock. That’s too bad. I should never have let you go tearing down to New Orleans to see him.”

“You had no choice.”

“Yes I did. I could have gone with you. I could have refused to let you put me back on my shelf where you like to keep me. But I didn’t want to upset you or make you angry. You were always too important to me. But that’s a child’s excuse, and I won’t use it any longer.” She moistened her lips. “You have to stop it. I’m not going to sit on that damn shelf and watch you get yourself killed. Temperamental? Hell yes. You haven’t seen temperamental, Jock.”

Jock was silent, gazing at her. “I believe I may have just gotten a sample. Wrong word?”

“Yes.” She met his eyes. “But not all your fault. I allowed myself to be treated like that because it’s what people seemed to want of me. I guess somewhere down deep I thought if I gave what was wanted, I’d never be alone again. You came into my life when I’d lost everyone, friends, family … so I was particularly vulnerable to you. And you were wonderful to me, you enriched my life. I just wanted to hold on to you. Not fair to you, Jock.”

“The hell it’s not,” he said roughly. “Shut up, Cara. This is tearing me apart.”

“See?” Her smile was shaky. “Not fair to you. That’s what I’m trying to change. I can’t be that kid you felt you had to take care of any longer. I thought I could pretend, but I don’t think I can. It’s too dangerous for you and too scary for me. I have to be on my own.” She paused. “Even if it means that you find you don’t like me that way.”

“Shh.” His hands were suddenly cupping her face. “Hey, best friends, remember. You’re always reminding me. I’m not sure what you’re going through right now, but we’ll work it out.”

She loved his hands on her. She loved his silver-gray eyes shimmering down at her. She loved his lips, which were smiling that wonderful smile. She loved the way he was trying to soothe away the hurt he sensed she was feeling.

Too much.

“Best friends.” She took a step back so that his hands fell away from her. “Good friends. Friends that are honest with each other.” But maybe not totally honest right now. Tonight she had taken the first steps, but she found herself clinging desperately to the comfort of the past. It would take time. She forced a smile. “And if we can’t work it out, we’ll be honest about that, too.” She turned around to face the lake. “So what did you want to talk to Joe about? Timeline you said.”

“We’re back to that?” He went to the porch rail and leaned against it, his gaze still studying her. “It’s not as if I’m trying to keep anything from you, Cara.”

“No, you just don’t want it to get too close to me. Timeline?”

“It was over five months ago that Norwalk contacted Eve about doing reconstructive work on Sean. That means that it was probably shortly before that he was killed in that explosion. Joe pinpointed the coffin purchase in Connecticut or New York. But Sean Norwalk worked out of Nice for Jacques Manard and any other crime organization who would hire him. What was he doing in the New York area?”

“You think he was on a job? Eve said he was an enforcer and assassin.”

“I thought it likely he was sent to do what he did best. So I called Benoit, my agent in Nice. He couldn’t find out details, but he did verify that Sean was sent to New York on a job around that time. Benoit couldn’t definitely confirm, but it was presumably contracted by Jacques Manard.”