Shadow of Night (All Souls Trilogy, #2)(207)

“I can’t let you interfere, Auntie,” he said firmly. “Matthew’s right: You don’t belong in the middle of this.”

“Gallowglass.” Matthew shook his head in warning. Gallowglass released my arm and watched his uncle warily.

“Let me answer your earlier question, Auntie, Matthew has had just enough of Kit’s blood to keep his blood rage burning. You may need this if you want to talk to him.” Gallowglass tossed me a knife. I made no move to catch it, and the blade clattered to the stones.

“You are more than this disease, Matthew.” I stepped over the blade. We stood so close that my skirts brushed against his boots. “Let Father Hubbard see to Kit.”

“No.” Matthew’s expression was unyielding.

“What would Jack think if he saw you this way?” I was willing to use guilt rather than steel to bring Matthew to his senses. “You’re his hero. Heroes do not torment their friends or family.”

“They tried to kill you!” Matthew’s roar reverberated through the small room.

“They were out of their minds with opiates and alcohol. Neither of them knew what they were doing,” I retorted. “Nor, may I add, do you in your present state.”

“Don’t fool yourself. Both of them knew exactly what they were doing. Kit was ridding himself of an obstacle to his happiness without a care for anyone else. Louisa was succumbing to the same cruel urges she’s indulged since the day she was made.” Matthew ran his fingers through his hair. “I know what I’m doing, too.”

“Yes—you’re punishing yourself. You’ve convinced yourself that biology is destiny, at least so far as your own blood rage is concerned. As a result you think you’re just like Louisa and Kit. Just another madman. I asked you to stop denying your instincts, Matthew, not to become a slave to them.”

This time, when I took a step toward Matthew’s sister, she sprang at me, spitting and snarling.

“And there’s your greatest fear for the future: that you will be reduced to an animal, chained up and waiting for the next punishment because it’s what you deserve.” I went back to him, gripping his shoulders. “You are not this man, Matthew. You never were.”

“I’ve told you before not to romanticize me,” he said shortly. He dragged his eyes away from mine, but not before I’d seen the desperation there.

“So this is for my benefit, too? You’re still trying to prove that you’re not worth loving?” His hands were clenched at his sides. I reached for them and forced them open, pulling them flat against my belly. “Hold our child, look me in the eye, and tell us that there’s no hope for a different ending to this story.”

As on the night I’d waited for him to take my vein, time stretched out to infinity while Matthew wrestled with himself. Now, as then, I could do nothing to speed the process or help him choose life over death. He had to grab hope’s fragile thread without any help from me.

“I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “Once I knew that love between a vampire and a witch was wrong. I was sure the four species were distinct. I accepted the deaths of witches if it meant that vampires and daemons survived.” Though his pupils still eclipsed his eyes, a bright sliver of green appeared. “I told myself that the madness among daemons and the weaknesses among vampires were relatively recent developments, but now that I see Louisa and Kit . . .”

“You don’t know.” I lowered my voice. “None of us do. It’s a frightening prospect. But we have to hope in the future, Matthew. I don’t want our children to be born under this same shadow, hating and fearing who they are.”

I waited for him to fight me further, but he remained silent.

“Let Gallowglass take responsibility for your sister. Allow Hubbard to take Kit. And try to forgive them.”

“Wearhs do not forgive as easily as warmbloods do,” Gallowglass said gruffly. “You cannot ask that of him.”

“Matthew asked it of you,” I pointed out.

“Aye, and I told him the best he could hope for was that I might, in time, forget. Don’t demand more from Matthew than he can give, Auntie. He is his own worst rack master, and he needs no assistance from you.” Gallowglass’s voice held a warning.

“I would like to forget, witch,” Louisa said primly, as if she were making a simple choice of fabric for a new gown. She waved her hand in the air. “All of this. Use your magic and make these horrible dreams go away.”

It was in my power to do it. I could see the threads binding her to Bedlam, to Matthew, and to me. But though I didn’t want to torture Louisa, I was not so forgiving as to grant her peace.

“No, Louisa,” I said. “You will remember Greenwichfor the rest of your days , and me, and even how you hurt Matthew. Let that be your prison, and not this place.” I turned to Gallowglass. “Make sure she isn’t a danger to herself or anyone else, before you set her free.”

“Oh, she won’t enjoy any freedom,” Gallowglass promised. “She’ll go from here to wherever Philippe sends her. After what she’s done here, my grandfather will never let her roam again.”

“Tell them, Matthew!” Louisa pleaded. “You understand what it is to have these . . . things crawling in your skull. I cannot bear them!” She pulled at her hair with a manacled hand.