Seven Days(63)

James didn’t know, and he doubted he would ever find out, but he was glad it was Penny. He was glad because she was already taken and he didn’t want a girlfriend. He didn’t want any connection to anybody.

He had lost enough in his life, and he didn’t intend to lose any more.

He typed a reply.

Whats up?

Lunch?

Sure. Canteen?

I was thinking of getting out of the office. Maybe the burrito truck in the park?

He looked out of the window. The leafy crowns of the trees swayed gently in the summer breeze. It would be good to get some fresh air.

It would help with his hangover. He had woken up with a stinging headache. He was used to hangovers, but this was a big one. Most nights he and Carl, the guy he shared his flat with, drank a few beers and a bottle or two of wine while they watched YouTube videos of football goals and rugby hits and famous gigs. Last night Carl had taken a bottle of vodka from the freezer and handed him a glass of that. Then there’d been some weed and he’d woken up feeling like shit. Some fresh air and a walk away from his desk sounded good.

You’re on. Five minutes?





2


Penny was standing by the revolving door, looking at her phone. She was wearing tight, dark jeans and a grey, long-sleeved sweater with a V-neck. A pendant glittered at the base of her throat. James imagined what it would feel like to kiss her neck.

She saw him and smiled and they walked out of the revolving door. Outside, James tilted his face to the sky, enjoying the warmth of the sun.

‘Happy Friday,’ she said. He noticed her eyes were puffy and red. ‘You have plans for the weekend?’

He shrugged. ‘Pub with Carl tonight, probably. Then I’m not sure. The usual. Hanging around. You and Bryn doing anything fun?’

Her eyes caught his. ‘Not this weekend. We split up.’

‘What? What happened?’

‘It’s been coming for a while.’

‘Really? I thought you guys had been together for ages?’

She nodded. ‘We have. That’s part of the problem. Bryn’s a lovely guy, but he’s – he’s a bit clingy. He wants to settle down. Have kids. His parents were married at nineteen so twenty-three for him is high time to tie the knot, but I’m not ready. Not even close.’

‘You don’t have to split up. You could agree to wait.’

‘That’s the problem. The more we talked about marriage and kids, the more I realized I couldn’t picture it. I couldn’t see us as parents together. When I tried, it felt wrong. I’ve been thinking of breaking up with him for the last six months. Last night he brought it up again and I kind of came out with it.’

‘What did you say?’

‘I said I didn’t want to marry him anytime soon. He said, well then, when? and I said I don’t think ever. He said in that case let’s break up for good. I think he was calling my bluff, but I agreed. And that was that. It was a rough night.’

‘I’ll bet.’

‘He slept on the couch, but our flat is tiny and you can hear everything. I was up all night listening to him crying. I was glad when he left for work. He went early, at like five a.m. I felt awful.’

‘Sorry to hear it.’

‘Don’t be. It’s for the best.’

They reached the burrito van. James looked at the menu; Penny didn’t bother.

‘Could I have a beef burrito?’ she said. ‘Extra chilli.’

‘You got it, love,’ the man said. ‘And you, mate?’

‘I’ll have the same,’ James said. They waited for their food and walked to a bench.

‘Where are you going to live?’ he said. ‘Will you move out?’

‘No. He will. At first I thought he was being a gentleman, but now I think he just wants to know where I’m going to be. He’s called eight times today. And sent four texts asking if I’ll be home tonight and if he can come to talk. I will be home, but I feel like going out so he can’t find me.’

‘Not taking it well, then?’

‘You could say that.’

‘Well,’ James said. ‘At least you did it.’

‘Yeah. It feels good. I feel good. I’m sorry for him, but better now than later.’

‘For you. He’d probably have preferred to postpone the inevitable.’

She lifted the burrito and took a bite. It left a smear of chilli sauce on her bottom lip. James brushed his own lip with his forefinger to indicate where.

‘You’ve got some chilli on your mouth.’

She dabbed it with a tissue. ‘Thanks. Bryn would have wiped it away for me. You know, I feel really good about breaking up with him. Guilty and weird, but good. I’m so glad it’s done. It’s strange – I thought about breaking up with him for ages, but I kept coming up with reasons why not. He wasn’t that bad, we had a lot of history that it was a shame to throw away, but now – now I can’t believe I waited this long. I have no regrets at all. It’s like I came out of a long, dark tunnel and I have no intention of going back. You know what I mean?’

He knew the feeling of being in a long, dark tunnel. It had been like that since Maggie disappeared. He didn’t think he would ever come out.

‘I’ve never been in that situation. Not with a relationship.’