Sempre (Forever Series #1)(44)

Bang. Bang. Bang. It faded, but the silence did nothing to comfort her. She opened her eyes, hoping it was a nightmare, but the first thing she saw was her monster’s vicious face. He stood just outside the stall, buckling his pants as he ogled her.

Her stomach felt as mangled as her monster’s deformed skin. Her chest ached from crying, a void deep inside her. Her mama came back that night, trembling as she hugged her, but she wasn’t there now to calm Haven’s fears.

“Haven?” Carmine’s voice was soft, his banging now a subtle tap on the door. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

14

Vibrant red blood splattered the white wall in the library. Haven was cleaning it with a rag when Carmine’s bedroom door opened. Disheveled, he glared at her. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be doing that!”

He snatched the rag from her hand as her eyes welled with tears. Overwhelmed and exhausted, she couldn’t take him looking at her that way, disgust and anger shining from his eyes. His hand flew in her direction and she recoiled, moving out of his reach. She stumbled and plopped down on the floor.

His face clouded with confusion as he dropped his hand. “I can’t get anything right with you.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, not understanding. She was only trying to clean up the blood.

He groaned, throwing the rag down as his voice rose with passion. “You’re sorry? For what? Ciò è scopare pazzesco! I’m gonna lose my mind if we don’t stop doing this dance!”

Dance? “What are you talking about?”

He grabbed her arm, and the zap of tingles coursed through her. She wondered why he was touching her, an irrational part of her wishing he’d never stop. When he touched her, she didn’t feel so alone. When he touched her, she felt alive for once.

“Tell me you don’t feel that, and I’ll back off.”

She stared at his hand. “You feel it too?”

“Of course I feel it. I kissed you last night!”

She blinked a few times. “But I kissed you. I shouldn’t have, because you told me you didn’t . . .”

“You barely grazed my lips. I practically assaulted your mouth.” He shook his head. “And you’re right—I don’t do that, which is what makes it so crazy. I’ve been trying to tell you that.”

He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair as he stared at her, his eyes imploring her, but for what she didn’t understand. “Tell me what?”

Her question was met with silence. He slumped against the wall and brought his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. “I would’ve cleaned up the blood,” he said. “I caused it.”

“Was the boy okay?”

“He’s like a cockroach. I could cut his head off, and he’d still run around.”

She sighed at his unwillingness to give her a straight answer. “I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but I don’t like people being hurt because of me. If you want to blame anyone, blame me. Punish me. But please don’t keep hurting them. They didn’t do anything.”

He stared at her, his mouth hanging open. “You think I look at you that way?”

“When you attack people, it’s like you’re upset they’re messing with something that’s yours.”

He laced his fingers in his hair, tugging on a handful of the locks. “I have a problem with my temper. It’s just, I feel . . .” He hesitated, taking a deep breath. “Look, it’s not because I think you belong to me—it’s because I want you to be mine.”

Her brow furrowed. “Is there a difference?”

“That didn’t sound right. Christ, I care about you, okay? I overreact because I don’t want anyone to hurt you. And maybe that doesn’t make sense, considering I’m hurting you more than any of those a**holes, but I don’t do it intentionally. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met. You can understand me the way no one else ever could.” He scooted closer to her. “La mia bella ragazza.”

“You know I don’t know what that means,” she said, blushing from the intensity of his stare.

He ran the back of his fingers along her flushed cheek. His touch was soft, and she leaned her head in his direction. “My beautiful girl,” he said.

She took in his expression. “You think I’m beautiful?”

“I don’t think you’re beautiful, Haven. I know you are.”

His words flustered her. “You are, too.”

He smirked. “You’re saying I’m beautiful?”

She nodded. “A beautiful person.”

“I’ve been called everything under the sun, but a beautiful person was never one of them.”

* * *

Never in Haven’s life had she encountered a disaster like the one that met them downstairs. Trash was scattered throughout the rooms, beer cans and empty bottles littering the tables and counters. Food was smashed into the floor, the house smelling wretchedly like the inside of a trash can. There was broken glass in the family room, furniture moved, and things out of place.

Haven stood at the bottom of the stairs, scanning the mess, as Carmine disappeared into the laundry room. He returned with some black trash bags. “You start in the kitchen, and I’ll go deal with whatever got broken. I know not everything survived the night intact.”