Scavenge the Stars (Scavenge the Stars #1)(63)

What would Roach say, if he knew what she had done?

Panic flared within her, a stray ember from a growing fire. She again tried to convince herself that she had done the right thing, that the lives of two terrible men meant nothing when weighed against the consequences of their actions. But perhaps that was only a rationalization given to her by a bitter man who had nothing else to live for.

When she looked at the wreck that was Boon, was she seeing her future?

She didn’t want that future. But what else was possible for someone like her, after the choices she had made?

Her lower abdomen clenched with a pain that was both sharp and dull, spreading its fingers possessively over her hips. Amaya groaned into the pillow as she writhed.

“Drink the tea,” Liesl advised. “It’ll help.”

She managed to wrangle Amaya into a sitting position. While Amaya alternated taking sips and making faces at the bitter drink, the door opened and Fera peeked in.

“Has there been word?” Amaya demanded, lurching forward so suddenly that some of her tea spilled.

Fera shuffled in carrying a plate that Cicada had sent up for Amaya. Fera placed it on the bedside table and stepped back, twisting her fingers together. “N-no, not yet. I’m sorry, Si—Amaya.”

Amaya fell back so hard she nearly rapped her skull on the headboard. Disappointment threaded through her, disguised as hot anger.

“Don’t you dare throw that cup,” Liesl warned her, folding laundry at the foot of the bed.

“Wasn’t he raised to be the perfect merchant’s son? Isn’t he supposed to be a gentleman and respond to a lady’s invitation for dinner?”

“Perhaps something came up. We can try again.”

But Amaya remained piqued, her cheeks flushed and her breathing too fast. She thought back to swimming in the inlet with Cayo Mercado, to wondering what would happen if she truly let her guard down. There had been something about the way his eyes caught hers that made her feel stripped, torn open, her ribs bared and ready to be snapped.

The fact that he would so easily dismiss an invitation from her after that…

Amaya knocked back the rest of the awful tea and slammed the cup down on the bedside table. She told herself that her disappointment was due to prolonging the next stage of her revenge.

Fera took the cup and held it carefully between her hands, as if it were a newborn bird. Amaya forced herself to relax her face, to give the girl a tight smile of thanks.

“Has Spi—I mean, Nian been giving you swimming lessons?” she asked, idly picking at the food that Cicada had sent up: dried bananas, coconut cookies, and taro cakes.

The girl’s face lit up. “He’s been taking me down to the beach. I didn’t really like it at first, and it hurts when I get the water in my eyes, but I like kicking while he pulls me around.”

Amaya’s mouth softened into a true smile. “I’m glad.”

“I can’t wait to go home and show Mama and Papa,” Fera continued, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “They’ll be so surprised!”

Amaya’s smile fell, and guilt tightened her chest. Her belly tightened as well, and she weathered another stabbing cramp, screwing her eyes up tight.

All of the Water Bugs were waiting for the money she promised them—that Boon promised them. But she hadn’t gotten to Mercado yet. She was still keeping them from their families, these children who were too young to travel on their own, who had no idea how to reunite with the parents who had sold them in the first place.

If only Cayo had come to dinner, or even responded to her invitation…

Amaya took a deep breath. It was her own fault. She had been too engrossed in her personal vendettas, and the truth about her mother was a weight pressing on her chest, deterring her from moving on.

Maybe when Cayo looked at her, he could see the truth of what she was and all she had done. Maybe that was why he avoided her.

“I’m sure they’ll be thrilled,” she made herself say. Fera beamed and scurried out to return the teacup to the kitchens.

Liesl came to sit beside her. “I think I know what you can do. If the Mercado boy isn’t responding to your missives, try to run into him in the city. Make him see you. Corner him, if you have to.”

“And how do I do that?”

Liesl nibbled on one of the coconut cookies. “According to my notes, there are a few places he likes to frequent. Or rather, he used to. Apparently, he visited the Vice Sector several times a week, then stopped going.”

Amaya thought back to the dexterity of Cayo’s hands. She had thought them the hands of a would-be tailor, but they were the hands of a gambler, too. “I’ll visit tonight and see if I can get any more information on him.”

“Would you like me to come with you? Or I can send Deadshot or Avi.”

“No,” Amaya said, harder than she intended to. “I want to do it alone. I’ll attract less attention that way.”

“Suit yourself.” Liesl stood and grabbed another cookie. “I’ll make you more tea.”

Right on cue, Amaya’s next cramp tore through her. She held her stomach with a small sob. “Are you sure I can’t cut this horrible thing out of me?”

Liesl gestured to the door where Fera had gone. “Don’t you want a sweet child like that someday?”

Horror descended on her. “Absolutely not!”