Scared of Beautiful (Scared #1)(58)

“Your friend had a number of outstanding warrants, and this is his third strike. He won’t be seeing the outside of a prison until well after retirement age.” I nod and avert my eyes downwards. Emmanuel may be the worst kind of person, but I still broke the code.

Phillip clears his throat, and I look up from my bruised but now free wrist. Jade has walked back in and sits on the couch, pretending not to eavesdrop. “You really think that guy wouldn’t have sold you down the river in a heartbeat? You really should not feel guilty about this.”

“You don’t understand,” I say dismissively. What could an obviously very rich lawyer know about a neighborhood like mine?

As if reading my mind, Phillip retorts, “What would I know? More than you might think. I grew up in the Bronx in a one bedroom walk up with four siblings and no father. I worked my way through community college just for the chance to get into a university. I had plenty of opportunities to make money the easy way on those streets. So before you assume anything about anyone kid, make sure you know the facts.”

I look at him with a new respect.

“You are at an ivy league school, which is more than I started with. f-uck it up, and the only sell-out in here will be you.” Phillip’s voice is stern, almost paternal. “You’ve obviously got friends in high places who care about you, considering how much I charge.”

“I don’t think I do,” I say, painfully reminded of Maia’s absence.

Phillip leaves after saying his goodbyes, but his words resonate in my mind.

Jade shifts noticeably in her seat. “So the blonde at the nurse’s station tells me that you can be discharged tomorrow. What’s the plan?”

“Did Maia call?” I ask Jade anxiously. She shakes her head. “Did you try and call her?” I persist. She nods back at me, not meeting my eyes. From this vantage point, she looks a little pissed. “What?” I ask.

“Her phone has gone to voicemail all morning. I think she may be avoiding my calls.”

“Why would she do that?” My plans of making things right with Maia seem to be going down the shit chute, rapidly. “Unless…” I say with sadness. “Who could blame her?” I question with rising anger. “No one wants to be involved with a common thief.”

“No!” Jade says sternly before jumping up from the sofa. “You and I are not doing this again. We are not repeating the whole Shana thing. I am not going to sit here and watch you f-uck up your life for the next four years, or more.”

I look away, and Jade walks over and cups my face in her hands. “Are you hearing me?”

“I heard you,” I say quietly. I have never felt so broken in my life. This is all my fault. If I had just told Maia the truth, rather than try to protect her, none of this would have happened. I walk over to the bathroom door and give it a solid punch with my good arm.

“Good idea Jackson, f-uck up your good arm,” Jade says sarcastically.

Jade’s right about one thing. That now is not the time to screw up my life a second time. Phillip’s words continue to resonate in the back of my mind. I can’t imagine the regret I’d feel if I didn’t at least try to convince Maia, beyond all question, that I need her to breathe.





Chapter 33




Maia

I find hospitals to be the coldest and most depressing places on earth. And not because they are filled with the sick and dying, but because as the moments tick by, while my mother’s ventilator whooshes monotonously in the background, I’m reminded of the meaning of family. Little children run to hug relatives, adults embrace the hands of their elderly parents. The world is full of so much love for them. I’m happy for them, and also insanely jealous.

My hand rests gently atop my mother’s. According to the doctors, there are no signs of life, not yet; but Blake assures me that some coma patients are able to hear everything. So I talk. I tell her about school, about my life, about how I feel. It’s not until I start to tell her about Jackson that the tears come streaming down my cheeks.

“I really do love him,” I say almost sobbing. “I’ve never felt so empty in my life. I screwed so much up. Then he left, and I don’t know how it all just fell apart. I miss him. I’m lonely. But that’s over now. Now I’m focusing on you. I should never have let things get this far. I’m so sorry. I should have been there. For you.”

The curtain shuffles slightly behind me and I quickly wipe my eyes with my sleeve. Blake walks cautiously into the room. He looks every bit the lifesaving doctor in his white surgical coat, complete with a stethoscope hanging casually around his neck.

“Hi,” I say softly.

“Thought you could use some lunch,” he says quietly.

I glance down at my watch. It’s closer to dinner than lunch, but I nod and give my mother a gentle kiss on the cheek before walking out with him. The hospital cafeteria is a hot mess, with ringing cell phones, exhausted looking family members, and a lot of very antsy children running around. We order and collect our food before Blake leads me to a table in the corner.

It seems like a very long while before either of us speaks. Finally, he clears his throat. “It will be okay, Maia. One way or another, everything will work out the way it should.”

I wonder how much of the Jackson conversation he heard. “I believe that Blake, I really do. But right now everything just feels so hopeless to me. What did I do to deserve so much support from you?” I ask gratefully.