Say It's Forever (Redemption Hills #2)(67)

Trent shook his head. “You’re a disaster, man. Tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do with you.”

Logan hooked his arm on the back of the booth and jostled his index finger of that hand in my direction. “Nah, man, I think it’s our brother here who’s a disaster.” Tone of his voice shifted, filling with a real question, pushing at the marrow. “Are you going to make a move or what?”

Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on the table, rubbed my fingers over my mouth like it could wipe away the truth of the words. “You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, and why’s that?”

“You know why.”

Logan scoffed as he came to the realization of what I was getting at. “Are you kidding me? Tell me you aren’t still waiting on her?”

I couldn’t answer.

Disbelief shook Logan’s head. “Kennedy deserted you, man. Took your kid and ran and didn’t look back. She doesn’t deserve you. I know it sucked balls when she left, but anyone who doesn’t see you for who you are isn’t worthy to stand at your side, and that’s the goddamn truth.”

“And who am I really?” Challenge left me on a low punt. “A beast?”

A grin split his face. “Yup. The teddy bear kind.”

Fucking Logan. But that was the thing about him. Dude didn’t know the half of who we’d been. The half of what we’d done. The sins we’d committed and the atrocities we’d perpetuated.

We’d hid it from him, protected him the best we could, though there was no question some of that bullshit had seeped below the surface.

I shook my head and looked away, into the throbbing mass as if it could offer distraction. “Hardly,” I muttered.

“You said it yourself, Jud.” Trent leaned forward over the table, tatted finger jabbing into the wood, voice just loud enough to be heard over the roaring beat. “This place? It’s our second chance. The whole reason we came here.”

Agony clawed through my consciousness, and I looked between my brothers. Two people who meant the most to me. Only ones who could truly get it.

“And I already used up that second chance, didn’t I?”

Trent’s tongue dipped out to wet his lips. “Fuck that, man. Like Logan said, Kennedy didn’t deserve you. Not for a fuckin’ second.”

Old misery left me on a scoff. “It was me who didn’t deserve her or my daughter.”

“Bullshit,” Logan spat, leaning forward. “You’re the best. The fucking best, so don’t you dare let any of that get in your way. Yeah, it hurt. I know it, man. I know it.” His face blanched. “But we only have this one life, and we’re fucking lucky that we do, and it’s your duty to live it. Go after what makes you happy. And wallowing around in your misery waiting on someone who didn’t take the time to really see you? Fuck, Jud, I know you want to live for what’s right, but I think it’s time you figure out what that really is.”

All the joking was gone from Logan’s voice.

Like she’d been summoned from the storm, I glanced to my right at the girl who floated my way.

Eyes the color of a toiling sea. The darkest, deepest blue. Body pure temptation.

A motherfuckin’ knockout.

A fantasy.

A dream.

Black-fuckin’-magic.

My conscience screamed with guilt.

Because every second that passed? I only wanted her more.





Music blasted from the speakers from the band that thrashed on the stage while the crowd thrived and toiled.

Place chaos.

Disorder.

Mayhem of the best kind.

People were singing. Shouting. Dancing. Their drinks lifted in the air and their hearts freed in the crashing beat that promised release.

Release.

That was exactly what I needed as I weaved through the throbbing crowd, drawn, compelled, unable to do anything but head in the direction where Eden, Tessa, and Salem danced on the far side of the club.

The three of them had let loose. Their hair whipping around them and heat drenching their bodies as they laughed and danced together like they didn’t have a care in the world.

Celebrating life and all it had to give.

Wanted that for Salem. For her to let go. For the fears that haunted her to melt away and surrender to something better.

Something better.

My guts knotted, and my chest stretched tight. This fucked up feeling taking me over that I wanted it, too.

Trent had followed the group over to where they’d moved to carve out their own little bubble.

Dude looked like peril where he’d taken up post on a stool at the bar facing out, watching over his life, ready to strike if any fool became a threat.

My boots thudded on the hard ground, in time with the rhythm, marching straight into destruction.

But I didn’t really know how to go anywhere else when this felt like my destination. Where I was supposed to be.

Salem shook her hips, that black dress hugging those curves so right. Had to physically restrain myself from stalking up behind her, wrapping my hands around her waist, and pressing my nose into the hypnotic fall of her hair.

I forced myself to take the stool next to Trent. I dragged it so I could sit facing out, too. He slid a beer he’d ordered for me in my direction. “Looks like you’re gonna need that.”