Save Me(WITSEC #2)(40)

I folded my arms over my chest. “I know I’ve made piss-poor decisions regarding my grief and I may be inexperienced in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you can write me off as incompetent. I do know better and I’m still capable of making good decisions.”

He looked up with a frown.

“I woke up this morning peacefully. Yes, I had a nightmare last night, but I was able to fall back to sleep and I didn’t dream. I opened my eyes feeling somewhat normal and…” I sighed frustratedly, trying to organize my thoughts. “Keelan already explained why I shouldn’t use sex as an escape and I won’t. What we just did…that wasn’t an escape. I didn’t use you.”

“I don’t think you used me,” he snapped.

“Then what is it?”

“You should be focusing on yourself right now,” he said firmly. “Sex could distract you from that.”

“I’m not some sex-crazed teenager who can’t control their hormones. Well, there was this one time with the twins, and I was drunk, but that doesn’t count,” I rambled. I needed to get back on track. “I have feelings for you and I’m pretty sure you have feelings for me, too. It’s normal to want to connect with you on an intimate level. If you didn’t want that, then you should have said something. I wouldn’t have done what I did—”

“If I hadn’t wanted that to happen, it wouldn’t have. That’s not the point. We need to do right by you. Sex needs to wait until you’re in a better place.”

We? They all came to this decision without talking to me?

My eyes dropped to the floor and I headed for the door. “I’m going to make breakfast.”

“Shiloh,” he said, but I ignored him as I left.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, I felt ready to combust. I pulled food from the fridge and dropped it all on the counter next to the stove. I slammed cabinets closed and plopped pans on the stove, not caring how loud I was. The drawers were the next to suffer my wrath as I searched for utensils. I tossed those on the counter and enjoyed the way they clanged and clattered.

“Babe?”

I turned around, finding Colt, Creed, and Keelan standing on the opposite end of the kitchen. All of them were shirtless, looking like they had just rolled out of bed. They were staring at me, gaping.

Colt took a cautious step forward. “Everything alright?”

I turned back toward the stove and grabbed some eggs from the carton. “I know I hit rock bottom yesterday and I’m mortified that you all had to see that, but that doesn’t mean you all have to walk on eggshells around me.” I was so angry in my cracking of the eggs that all the yolks broke when they hit the pan. Scrambled eggs it is. I took a spatula and mixed the raw eggs around the pan.

“Okay,” Creed drawled.

I whirled back around and pointed the spatula at them. “And you don’t get to decide what’s best for me without talking to me first, because at the end of the day, I know what I’m ready for or what I can handle. Not any of you.”

All of their brows had risen. Knox walked in at that moment, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had different basketball shorts on. His eyes zeroed in on me and the muscles in his jaw ticked. There was nothing I could do to stop myself from glaring at him. So I spun back around and returned to cooking eggs that were already burned.

“Fuck it,” I cursed as I turned off the burner and tossed the spatula into the sink. I faced them all again. “It bothers me that you all had a conversation about sharing me without me. None of you thought to include me in the decision-making or asked me if I was alright being in a relationship with all of you.”

They were all clearly stunned.

“Did you discuss fucking me, too?” I questioned.

That snapped them out of their stunned states and Colt and Creed both said “no” at the same time. Knox smartly stayed quiet. Keelan looked from me to Knox as if he held the answer to what was happening.

“So none of you talked about halting all intimacy with me because the four of you assumed I can’t handle it right now?” I asked.

I was answered with silence.

“Wow.” My voice cracked. “Am I really that pathetic to you?” How could they not see me that way? I’d just had a meltdown in my closet yesterday.

“What?” Creed shook his head. “No.”

“Then why don’t you include me when it involves me?” I asked.

Again, I was answered with silence.

“I’m not someone who needs to be managed or told how things are going to be because the four of you think you know best. If that’s what you expect, I can’t do this,” I said and moved to leave.

Colt quickly blocked me. “We just didn’t want to add any pressure on you.”

“None of you have made me feel pressured in that department,” I said. “But you’d know that if you talked to me.” I could read what Colt was going to say next and I spoke first. “And before you say that I haven’t been the easiest to talk to, that was when you were trying to get me to talk about not sleeping. I have never avoided talking about our relationship. In fact, I have asked you to talk to me about it.” I looked at Creed. I’d asked him at Ethan’s party.

“What about what we discussed the other day?” Keelan asked in a calm voice.