Save Me(WITSEC #2)(30)

“You’re smoking again?”

I almost groaned. I should have sat out back. The reason I hadn’t was because I didn’t want to see my swing that was still lying on the ground in pieces. “I had a rough night. I’m too tired to run and it’s a better alternative to drinking.” I looked up at Knox. He was standing in front of me with his gym bag hanging on his shoulder.

“You’re still not sleeping?” he asked.

I didn’t reply. Instead, I took another drag from my cigarette.

He watched, frowning. “Running, smoking, drinking—everything you do to escape is all temporary. Eventually, they won’t be enough to block out what you’re refusing to deal with.”

I knew that. I was fully aware of what I was doing to myself to avoid what was too hard to face. I was tired of hard. It was my reality every day. Dragging myself out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other, and, of course, breathing was hard. I knew I was using Band-Aids to cover holes in a sinking ship. I knew it. My head was already below the water. But I couldn’t find the strength to stop because Band-Aids were easy. I needed something to be easy.

I finished off my cigarette and put it out against the step. “I’m too tired to go toe-to-toe with you right now,” I said, getting to my feet. “I need to get ready for school.” I turned away from him and went inside before he could say anything more.





School was rough. I could barely keep my eyes open in all of my classes. I sat out during gym. Colt and Creed kept asking if I was okay. I lied, saying I wasn’t feeling good.

I was chugging down my fourth energy drink today as I walked into Desert Stone.

“Welcome to Desert Stone Fitness,” a man greeted me from the front desk.

I had to do a double take when I realized it wasn’t Stephanie sitting there, but instead a ginger-haired, buff guy. Not as buff as Knox, but he clearly worked out regularly.

“Hi,” I greeted back as I walked up to the desk. I spotted his name embroidered on his Desert Stone polo. It read Derek. “Are you new?”

His hazel eyes gave me a once-over before his mouth stretched into a boyish grin. “No. I’m one of the personal trainers here, but I’m covering the front desk temporarily.”

Ah. I hadn’t met all the personal trainers yet. I wondered what had happened to Stephanie.

“Was there anything I could help you with?” he asked before his eyes drifted over my head.

“No. I—” I started to say when I felt a presence behind me.

“I thought you weren’t feeling well,” I heard Knox say.

Colt or Creed must have told him that. I turned around and looked up. “I’m feeling better.”

His arms were crossed over his chest, making his navy polo stretch tight around his large biceps. He spotted the energy drink in my hand and took the can from me with a sigh. “You look terrible.”

“That is an awful thing to say to a girl,” I chastised. What he’d said was true. I had dark circles under my eyes, which I guessed I’d failed at hiding with concealer, and I was paler than normal.

He held up the can. “This isn’t going to help. You need to go home and sleep.”

My hand squeezed around the strap of my gym bag as I walked away toward the hallway behind the front desk. “Can’t. I have a class to teach with Keelan.”

Knox cursed as he followed me. “I don’t want you driving home after.”

Derek watched us with curious eyes until we disappeared down the hall.

“I mean it, Shiloh,” Knox said, following me into his office.

I dropped my bag in one of the chairs placed in front of his desk and dug my keys out. I held them out to him. “Fine.”

He took them, but he wasn’t happy about it. I found that odd because I’d given him what he wanted. “Remember when I asked you if you would tell me when you weren’t fine?” he asked as he stared down at me with his penetrating gaze. “What did you say?”

I folded my arms over my chest. “I said you’d know if I wasn’t.”

He nodded. “Do you want to know one of the ways I can tell you’re not alright?”

I didn’t bother asking what. I knew he was going to tell me anyway.

“You don’t fight me on things as much anymore,” he said and held up my keys to prove his point. “It was the same this morning. Instead of standing up to me like you normally do, you ran.”

My gaze dropped to the floor. “Maybe I'm tired of fighting.”

He pocketed my keys. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

I took a step backward toward the door. “I’m going to be late if I don’t leave now.”

He watched me retreat without stopping me. When I was standing in the hall, I left without looking back. I supposed I’d run away from him again.





“Bye!”

“See you next class!”

Keelan and I waved at the last of the students as they left the class. Once the door closed behind them, I let out a tired sigh.

“What’s going on, Shi?” Keelan asked as he looked me over. It wasn’t the first time he had done it, either. He’d kept side-eyeing me while we’d taught as if he’d been worried I’d fall over at any minute.