Safe with Me (With Me in Seattle, #5)(35)

“Crowds are the worst.” He swallows hard again and scrubs his hand over his lips as he leans back on the couch, looking up. “We are taught to always look for a choke point.”

I cock my eyebrow at him. “English, please.”

“Exit. Always know where your exits are. Crowds in Iraq are very dangerous. Those extremist f*ckers will blow a whole crowd up, without hesitation.”

My heart bleeds for him as he closes his eyes, and I don’t even want to contemplate the horrors he’s seeing behind his eyelids.

“I didn’t realize you’d been in Iraq,” I murmur.

“Not often, but enough.”

He balls his hands into fists, and I can’t stand it anymore. I reach over to sooth him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm but he flinches away from me, so I climb into his lap, leaving him no choice but to wrap his arms around me.

“Listen to me, very carefully.” I pull my fingers down his face, never losing eye contact with him. “I’m okay, Caleb. You didn’t kill me. You scared me.”

“The girls…” he begins but I cut him off.

“The girls are worried about you and I had to stop them from coming to find you to hug you. The girls are fine, baby.” I continue to calm him, push my fingers through his hair and down his cheek. “We’re okay.”


“I should start sleeping on the couch again,” he murmurs and sighs as though he’s resigning himself to the horrible idea. He watches my face carefully, as though looking for any fear or animosity. “But I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to do that either,” I shake my head and kiss his cheek. “I love having your arms around me at night. I’ve never had that before.”

He clenches his eyes closed before gazing back at me. “Me neither. I would never hurt you, sweetheart. Never.”

“Caleb, you make me feel so safe. You didn’t have this nightmare while sleeping with me. You were on the couch,” I remind him and watch his eyes as he blinks several times before focusing on me again. “With a war show on the History channel.”

“I’ve never had a nightmare while sleeping with you,” he whispers.

I smile warmly and comb my fingers through his dark blonde hair again. “I guess your couch-sleeping days are over, sailor.”

He tightens his arms around my middle and presses his face to my neck, clinging to me as I twine my arms around his shoulders and kiss his temple tenderly.

“I’m so f*cking sorry,” he whispers again and I hold him close.

Tell him! Tell him you love him. My heart is so full of love for this intense, protective, broken man, but I’m confused too.

Am I in love with him, or do I just have a need to fix him?

“You’re safe with me, babe,” I respond and press my lips to his forehead. “Always.”





Chapter Eleven


Caleb



I wake before the sun, alert and ready to start the day, despite only getting a couple hours sleep. We need to get an early start so we can get the girls to their school, Brynna to work, and I have to get to work myself.

We’ll be back at Bryn’s tonight.

I sigh and let my eyes travel over her face, down to her breast that’s pressed firmly to my ribcage through her thin nightshirt and farther down to her waist. I can’t seem to say no to her, even when it’s for her own good, and I’m afraid that that will be my greatest mistake.

She is my weakness, but she strengthens me too. It’s the damndest thing.

The reminder of last night’s nightmare rocks through me and I clench my eyes closed and hug her tightly against me.

Jesus f*cking Christ, I could have killed her. What is wrong with me? Yeah, war f*cking sucks, but you come home and you get on with your life.

You don’t jump like a * over every loud noise and you for damn sure don’t try to choke out the woman that means more to you than life itself.

I press my lips and nose to her hair and inhale deeply, letting her sweet scent of vanilla and lavender fill my head and soothe me.

All I have to do is smell her and I’m calmer, yet I know I should pull away from her altogether. She and the girls need someone who’s not so f*cked up in the head. They deserve someone that doesn’t lose his shit in crowds and have nightmares that make him want to shit the bed.

But the thought of someone else holding Brynna like this, or watching her two girls grow up into young women, makes me even more crazy in the head.

I pull back and look down into sleepy brown eyes. She’s watching me lazily, and has begun to rub her hand up and down my side. She pushes one of those long legs between my own.

“’Mornin’,” she mumbles.

“Good mornin’, Legs.” I kiss her forehead and pull my pelvis back as she drags her hand down from my side to my dick, enjoying my morning wood.

“Stop,” I whisper and pull her hand up to my lips. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean?” She asks with a frown.

“Not yet.” I shake my head and lace my fingers with hers, holding her hand close to my chest. “I need to say something.”

“Okay,” she mutters and settles against me, not letting me go, which is a good sign.

I couldn’t bare it if she was afraid to be close to me.