Royally Not Ready(62)

“Lilly, you’re not dumb.”

“I am. It took baking a cake to see it all. To see the resemblance. Even though my mom left Torskethorpe, she still took so much of it with her.”

“Apparently not the love for cod.”

She chuckles and moves in tighter. “No, she left that here.” After a sigh, she says, “I just wish she was here, you know? So I could ask her questions, so I could experience this with her.”

“I wish you could too, Lilly.”

“I just feel so alone. If it weren’t for you, Keller, I’d be lost. This is so scary, all of this. I know I joke around a lot and tease you . . . tempt you. But it means so much to me that you’re taking your time with me. That you’re patient and, although sometimes you lose your temper, you continue to try to teach me and show me what my life could be.”

“It’s my job.”

“I guess it is.” She pauses and then quietly asks, “Is it your job to hold me like this?”

I shake my head. “No, but I promised you I’d protect you, and if that means protecting you from your own fears, then I’ll do that.”

Her legs curl against my side. “In an alternate reality, where my mom never moved, or better yet, she never passed away and, instead, she brought me and my dad to Torskethorpe, do you think we’d know each other?”

“We would,” I answer.

“Would we be friends?”

“Probably not,” I say honestly. “Not because I wouldn’t want to be, though. My parents were very clear when it came to my role in the palace. I was not to speak within the palace walls. I was expected to stay quiet, to mind my manners, and to never bring attention to myself. If you were at Strombly, there’s no doubt I’d be pining for you from a distance.”

“Pining?” she asks, as she lifts her head. “You’d never make a move?”

“Never,” I answer. “I know it might seem different or odd to you, but when you’re a servant in the palace, you’re there to comfort the sovereign, not mess with the equilibrium.”

“But what if I demanded you talk to me?”

I smile. “Then I’d talk to you, but that’s all it’d ever be.”

“What if I kissed you? Would you kiss me back?”

“Out of desperation, I would’ve kissed you back, but then I’d have had to tell you it could never be.”

“And if you saw me crying, in the palace, clearly distraught over your refusal, what would you have done?”

“I’d have pulled you into my arms, cradled you to my chest, and told you how I wish things were different. But I would’ve left it at that.”

“That’s so sad.”

“Yes, but there are so many others who’d be able to give you more.”

“You don’t know that.” She sits up now, looking me in the eyes. “What’s more to you?”

“Does it matter?” I ask her. “This is all temporary.”

“It might be, but you need to know, Keller, that you’ve given me so much more than any man in my life, and we’re . . . we’re friends. You always say you’re here to protect me, and you have. You’ve made me feel safe ever since I arrived here. During this crazy, unpredictable, and out-of-this-world situation, you’ve somehow broken it down for me to understand. You’ve made it easy to slowly adapt, and maybe at times I’ve been bored out of my mind, but I see your efforts for me. I’m not sure anyone else in your position would’ve done the same.”

“Because, like I’ve said from the beginning, Lilly, you matter most. That will never change.”

Her eyes search mine as she presses her hand to my chest. “Do you realize how badly I want to kiss you right now?”

“Don’t,” I say, even though the feeling is mutual. “Because I’ll have to turn you down, and I don’t want to have to do that to you.”

“I know.” She lets out a heavy sigh and leans against my chest again. “I’ll take this instead, the comfort of your arms.”

I stroke her thigh and say, “You know I’ll always be here for you, right? I can’t be here for you like your mom could’ve been, or your dad, but I can tell you this. As long as you stay here in Torskethorpe, I’ll never leave your side. I’ll always be here for you.”

“And if I choose to go back to Miami?”

“Then that’s when we part ways, because you know my life is here. My duty is here.”

“It’s one of the reasons why I like you so much. Your loyalty is unlike any I’ve ever seen. It’s very sexy, Keller.”

“It’s what’s been engrained in my blood. There’s no changing that.”

“So, if I do decide to go back to Miami, would you at least write me back if I wrote you?”

“In my head, I want to say no, because a clean break would be best, but I know, deep in my soul, I’d never be able to fully walk away. I’d write you back.”

“Good, because I wouldn’t be able to fully walk away either.”





Chapter Thirteen





LILLY





“Hey, Lilly?” Keller whispers into my ear.