Roommate Arrangement (Divorced Men's Club #1)(43)

Wow, that doesn’t make me sound good. “Is that what this is?”

“You’re the only one who knows that.”

I scowl because that doesn’t help me. “I don’t think it’s that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I dunno.” It’s weird discussing this, but I know I need to. “He’s helped me with some stuff to do with my fucker ex, and I’ve helped him out with some of his book stuff. It’s like we both have each other. I don’t want that to change.”

Art and Griffin are both nodding, so at least I know I’m on the right track with explaining.

“And also, the guy he’s dating tonight is a total douche.”

Art laughs. “I know what your problem is.”

“You do?”

Griffin’s studying me. “I think I do too. Maybe.”

“Is the brain trust going to share with me?”

“You’re jealous.” Art says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“Yeah, no.”

“Oh, yes.”

Fuck, I think he’s right.

“You might not be there yet, but you want to want to date him. With the divorce happening, you don’t feel like you have anything to offer, so you’re hoping he’ll hang around, stroking your ego—”

“And other things,” Griffin helpfully cuts in.

“Yes, those too. Stroking your ego and your other things until you decide a relationship is on the table.”

“Okay, so let’s say I did have feelings, it doesn’t change anything. It would still be too soon, right?”

“Why? And why is it a race? The thing is, you don’t have to act on these hypothetical feelings. Maybe they come to nothing, or maybe you want to give them time to grow, or you’re still feeling sore from being betrayed. Wherever you’re at, just be genuine with him. Spend time with him. Show him you care, even if you’re not ready to say it.”

“Hypothetically.”

Art gives me a look. “Sure, hypothetically.”

“And how does that hypothetically help me tonight?”

“It doesn’t. You’re shit out of luck there.”

I stare out at the water. “He could do so much better.”

“Beau doesn’t think so.”

That’s true. Beau has been angry over what Kyle did, but he’s never looked at me with pity. It’s one of the reasons I’m so comfortable around him. Sometimes I catch him watching me with this hopeful puppy expression, and it makes me want to be worth that level of affection. “I’m very confused.”

“I wish Orson wasn’t working,” Art says.

“Why?”

“Because of all of us, he’d understand. My marriage was over in like a second, and I jumped straight back out there.”

“And with mine,” Griffin says. “It’s been a long one, but we’re both more than ready to move on.”

“Exactly,” Art says. “Orson is the only one of us who has felt that kind of raw heartbreak and facing the uphill climb of trying to rebuild a life with someone.”

“That.” I point at him. “That’s what it is. An uphill climb.”

“Yeah, but there’s a reason people climb Everest.” Griffin rubs his jaw. “Sometimes it’s worth it. And while I might not know what you’re going through, Beau’s a catch. If there is something there, my only advice is to stop focusing on everything else because that shit is just noise. If I had a Beau after me, I wouldn’t hesitate.” He gives me an evil smile. “And if he’s still single when my divorce goes through, you better believe I’ll be hitting him up.”

Art sniggers, and I have no idea why I thought these guys would help. “I hate you both.”





Art and Griffin both offer to take me out that night, but I refuse because apparently, I’d prefer to torture myself. So instead of heading out with them to a gay bar and picking up, I go home, shower, then change into sweats and hesitate over a shirt. Beau sees me shirtless a lot, and I sort of want Lee to catch Beau checking me out like I often do, but … my damn conscience wins. I tug a T-shirt over my head and cross the hall to Beau’s room.

He’s staring into space, button-up shirt hanging open, and I let my gaze roam down his wide torso, lingering on the light hair that runs from his stomach down into his pants.

When it comes to Beau, there’s something there. But feeling a certain way and acting on it are two different things. It’s not fair on Beau for me to mention I’m interested when I can’t commit to anything.

Would it have been different?

If I’d known Beau had feelings back then, before dickweed, would I be happy now? Or would we have ended anyway? Would I have even looked at Beau like that when he was Marty’s friend?

I’m not someone who likes regrets, which is just another reason why the end of my relationship hit so hard. All that wasted time and emotional investment spent on someone who didn’t deserve it.

I don’t for a second believe Beau wouldn’t though.

But Kyle was the same in the beginning, so who knows?

And Lee’s the one who gets to be Beau’s focus tonight, so I need to suck it up and shut up about it.