Roommate Arrangement (Divorced Men's Club #1)(21)

“I think I should too.”

“Go on, then.”

I unlock my phone, then stop, surprised at how hard this is. I could give it to Beau and make him do it, but I want to be the one to take that step. I peek over at him. “I know you just said a bunch of awesome things about me, but I need some help here.”

“What can I do?”

I wriggle closer to him until I’m leaning against his body. “Another one, please.”

He laughs as he wraps an arm around my shoulders, and then we both watch as I follow through.

“There, feel better?” he asks.

“I do.” And it’s probably not for the reason he thinks.





8





Beau


Since our dinner last night, Payne seems better. I’m trying to pretend it has nothing to do with me, but I can’t stamp down that twinge of pride at being the one who got to support him like that.

Seeing Kyle with another man though … I saw red.

I’m not a violent guy, but if he’d been right in front of me, I would have punched him. The guy he was with had nothing on Payne.

Stupid, horrible, dumb loser.

Words have been coming easily, practically pouring out of me, but still not on what I’m supposed to be writing about. They’re nonsensical snippets of pining and loss and betrayal, and while none of it is anything I’d ever publish, it feels good to follow the muse.

I’m keenly aware of Payne behind me, watching TV, volume down so low it’s a hum of noise. And even with him doing his best not to distract me, I can’t stop the weird feeling of needing to say something. To make it clear I’m not ignoring him.

I open my mouth to suggest we get lunch when he cuts me off.

“Don’t.”

I slump. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” It’s not my fault his presence is so big.

He angles his head so he can smile at me over his shoulder. “Yeah, you were. I swear you have the loudest inhale in history. Not to mention I can practically hear you thinking about it from here. You need to get used to working with people around since you want me here and I’m not hiding out in my room every day.”

“You’re going to stay?” My voice hitches with excitement.

“You’re doing it again …” he sings.

“It was a legitimate question!”

“Legitimate procrastination, maybe.”

I turn back to my computer with the biggest grin on my face. Maybe he only means short term, who knows?

I’ll take it though.

And if I’m really, really lucky, I’ll get the chance to hold him again.

My fingers fly across the keyboard.

And as I write, I zone out. The room around me disappears as I’m transported into the world beneath my fingertips.

When I blink back into reality, my hands are cramped, and it’s darker than it was earlier. I glance over my shoulder and find the TV off and Payne gone.

Beside me, though, is a bright yellow paper crane, with a note along the wing.

Babysitting the girls tonight. Be home later.

Nerves that have no right to show up hit me out of nowhere. I know it’s dangerous, and I’m leaning into the fantasy too far to be safe, but all I can picture is Payne in the role of my boyfriend, letting me know when he’ll be home.

I drop my head onto the desk.

Bad, Beau!

Determined to behave somewhat normally and not totally smitten with my roommate, I go shower, then forage for leftovers in the fridge. It’s well stocked, and I could cook something—if I wasn’t so worried that I’d put it on and forget about it. Luckily, the leftover Thai smells mouthwatering as it reheats.

I sit at the kitchen counter as I eat, letting the silence settle over me. Normally this is the moment where I’m most lonely. Where the end of the day hits me and I realize I’ve been holed up here with no human contact, and my thoughts usually head in a dark direction, but this time, when I ask myself if anyone would even notice if I was here or not, I come up with a different answer.

Payne would notice.

Butterflies hit me again, and I wish they’d stop. I wish I could be immune to him, but even more than that, I wish he was in a position where I could tell him how I feel. Going through a breakup isn’t stellar timing for unloading that onto him, but for the first time in our whole lives, I actually have the opportunity.

We’re not teenaged punks. Neither of us is leaving for college. We’re in the same town, the same fucking apartment. I could … I could actually do it.

I stare blankly at my food as I realize, with total certainty, that I’m going to tell him. Not now. Not even soon, since I want to make sure he’s in a good place first, but in the coming future, I will tell him how I feel.

He’ll probably let me down easy.

But my brain can’t stop conjuring pretty images of him saying he feels the same.

I’m an idiot.

A hopeful idiot, but just as stupid all the same.

Since Payne is with the girls, I assume that means Marty and Lizzy have gone out together, so instead of messaging my best friend like I normally would, I take a photo of the crane and send it to Payne.

Me: Man of many talents.





To my surprise, he texts right back.