Rogue (Real #4)(81)

She’s not moving. I can’t breathe.

The room closes in on us, sucking out the oxygen. I can’t f*cking breathe. “Melanie, look at what I’ve done to you.” I brush her hair back with my gloved hands. I growl in anger then pull my gloves off, shoving them into the back of my jeans, then I take her hair, silk in my hands as I tug the strands into a braid so that she won’t have to worry about her hair on her face.

I feel like I’m losing control, like I’m about to snap and nothing will ever hold me together again.

“Stay with me,” I still beg, lifting her hand to my lips and kissing it, over and over. “Don’t leave me again. Stay with me.”

I want to see her eyes. Those save-me green eyes. Holy shit. I need to see her smile at me. Laugh at me. Call me an *. Tell me she loves me.

When the basement elevator doors open, I’m shaking with rage as I look up to watch Derek shove my brother in my direction. My god, I’m going to f*cking kill him.

I charge across the room to where Wyatt stands, arms tied behind him, stomach bleeding out. He’s hurt, but it does nothing to calm me. I want to grab all my knives and start cutting up his limbs, bit by bit. I want to hear him scream, I want to spill his blood, I want REVENGE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.

Raging in pain, I smash my fists into his face. “Why’d you take her? Why? You motherf*cker, WHY HER?!”

“To f*ck YOU!” he yells back, spitting out blood from his mouth.

“What did she say?” I shake him hard before I slam my knuckles into his jaw again. “Her last words before she fell, what did she say?”

He grins a bloodied grin, and I slam him with my knuckles, blood spurting from his mouth. “What did she say, *?” I demand, the pain so deep I feel like an animal. Soulless. Lifeless. A killing machine, nothing more. A brutal rage beats through me.

I’m a raging maniac, stewing inside, hurting inside.

I’m inadequate for her but it can’t stop me.

She’s the soul I don’t have.

I thought I was dead before.

No.

I was only dormant.

She woke me up, but now, if anything happens to her, I’m dead. A walking corpse. He groans in pain when I slam him again.

“You make her beg? You make her beg you to let her go?”

Wyatt sucks in a breath. “Yeah, *, I made her beg.”

“How’d she beg you? For how long?”

“Look, I was angry.”

“How long did she beg for her life? Did she say please? Did she?”

“Minutes. Only minutes!”

“Did she tell you I would kill you? Did she tell you I would skin you alive for harming so much as a hair on her head??” I slam my fist again and he groans and rolls uncomfortably to the side, bringing the chair with him.

“Z, she fell on her own . . . !” he begs. “I was just keeping her to keep you from finishing the list!”

“You touched her, you f*cking cunt, didn’t you?”

“YES! I grabbed her tits, I wanted to piss you off!”

I slam my fists into him, repeatedly, yelling, “Congratulations, I’m pissed. And now. You’re. DEAD!”

I pummel him, then curl an arm around his neck and start squeezing the life out of him.

Promise you won’t kill anyone. The words come back to haunt me. My eyes begin to sting as I remember the hope in her eyes that one night. Promise me you won’t kill anyone.

Growling in defeat, I let go, panting as I catch my breath and drag my arm across my wet eyes.

Promise me you won’t kill anyone . . .

“Zero,” I hear someone yelling. “The ambulance is here.”

I walk to my unconscious girl, still fallen in that same spot, and I drop to my knees, taking her hand in mine. “Remember when I told you I didn’t beg?” I whisper. “I’m begging you. Come back to me.”

? ? ?

WHEN I WAS thirteen years old I lost the most precious thing in my life.

Then I built a fortress around myself so that I’d never again lose anything I cared about. Never again feel lost, betrayed, alone, or kidnapped.

I became as cold as ice and as calculating as a robot.

I let no one in.

Loved no one, not even my family.

And it all works out great until you let down your guard.

And you finally do let someone in.

A blonde, green-eyed girl who just laughs about everything.

Who loves everything and everyone.

Who connects with people like she was born to it.

And you start wishing in the deepest part of you that she’d connect with you.

And no matter how demonic you are, what an * you are, that you lie to her, refuse to share the truth about you with her, she does connect with you.

She opens up the gate and walks inside you before you know it, and you feel so f*cking full, so f*cking blessed, you slam the doors closed and lock her inside, protecting yourself, protecting her.

Until you realize you’re done for.

Until you’re no longer cold, no longer a robot. You carry your weakness deep in your heart and her pain is your pain.

Until her smiles are all you live for.

Until you sit in a hospital chair and wait and pray for the first time in your life to a god that never heard you when you prayed for him to let you see your mother.