Riverbend Reunion(41)

“Oh, no! That ship sailed. I can’t even see it out there on the horizon,” Risa assured her. “After seeing my mother again and hearing her say such ugly words to my girls, I needed a good stiff drink, and I’m going to have another one. If that’s a sin, then I’ll ask forgiveness tomorrow morning in church.” Risa stood up and headed toward the little cabinet where Haley kept the liquor. “Want one?”

Yes, I want one, but I can’t—not until I figure this out about a baby, Haley thought, but she said, “No thanks. Milk helps calm me down so I can sleep. Talk to me. Is this about Stella?”

“We’ve had a wonderful evening,” Risa said, “so let’s not ruin it by hashing out all this crap.”

“It’ll lay inside you and eat away until you talk about it.” Haley wasn’t sure if she was talking to herself or to Risa. “You’ll feel better if you get it off your chest, and I can’t sleep anyway. So, you’re going to church tomorrow?”

“Yep, I vowed that I wouldn’t run from Mama, and the girls need to be in church. I might not believe like she does but . . .” Risa took a sip of her whiskey.

“You could go to a different church,” Haley suggested. “There’s more than one in town, and maybe thirty in the county.”

Risa set her mouth in a firm line, shook her head, and took another sip. “Nope, that would be the equivalent of running. I’m going to walk right into church with my girls with my back straight and no tears.”

“I’m going with you.” Haley decided on the spur of the moment. “Maybe God will give me an inkling of an idea about why Mama and my sister didn’t tell me about my birth when I was a grown woman.”

“You think God will talk to you more in church than right here?” Risa asked.

“I need answers, and I can’t find them in this house.” Haley shrugged. “Maybe I’ll get a sign, or a hymn will spark a memory. One never knows, but even if I don’t get a sign at all, I’m going to support you and the girls.”

“Thank you.” Risa drank the last drop of her whiskey and set the empty glass on the coffee table. “They say that the definition of stupid is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.”

Haley nodded and waited for Risa to go on.

“From the time I was a little girl, I wanted my mother to love me like she did all her friends at the church,” Risa said with a sigh. “Looking back, though, I can see that I married Paul to get away from Riverbend. We eloped because I knew Mama would fuss about having to spend money on a wedding. She wasn’t sad the day that we drove away in his pickup truck. She just stood there on the porch with this big smile of relief on her face and waved as we left.”

“Was she happy the times when you came back to Riverbend for homecoming?” Haley remembered how her mother would make all her favorite desserts and food when she was able to come home for the parade and festivities.

“She seemed to be, but then I was only here for a couple of days. It was an eight-hour drive from our place in Kentucky, so we’d drive down on Thursday and back on Sunday. That left Friday, and we were busy with the parade. Then Saturday, we were packing up to leave the next day. That was the only time I got to see her during all those years, and she was more than ready for us to get going early on Sunday,” Risa said. “As controlling as he was, Paul was happier to see us return home than Mama was when we could only come for a couple of days a year.”

Haley listened, but she couldn’t help but reevaluate all the hard feelings she’d had toward her own mother since she found that letter and her original birth certificate. Nadine, her mother/grandmother, had loved her enough to give her a good home and take care of her at a time when her own biological mother, Frannie, was too young to do the job, and never complained one time. When Haley moved to Alabama, Nadine had stood on the porch and shed tears as she had driven away.

I was loved, Haley thought. That’s what was important.

“Facing reality isn’t easy.” She pictured the test lying in the bathroom drawer. Her mother would have been disappointed that Haley wasn’t married, but she would have been excited about the baby. Haley wondered if her mother hadn’t felt like that when she found out her fifteen-year-old daughter was about to have a baby—disappointment and excitement at the same time.

“But we have to face reality if we’re ever going to put the past to rest.” Risa’s voice sounded tired and wistful. “I’ve got to do that so the girls and I can move on. I can be thankful to have had a mother like Stella, who taught me how not to be when it comes to raising my own girls.”

“You have a good attitude, my friend,” Haley said.

“I guess we are all four—or maybe I should say five, if we include Wade—paddling the same canoe.” Risa poured herself another double shot. “So I’m not the only one with problems.”

“Yes, we are.” Haley finished off her milk and stood up. “Jessica and Wade are trying to find a permanent place to put down roots after twenty years of living out of a duffel bag. They’re both worried that in a few months the other one will grow weary of staying in one place. Mary Nell is fighting with her feelings of giving so many years to that sorry sumbitch, Kevin, and then getting dumped.”