River of Shadows (Underworld Gods #1)(36)

“Why did you make an exception if he’s your prisoner?”

“Your father doesn’t know he’ll be cured,” he says. “I actually didn’t think of it until two seconds ago. I suppose I’m beginning to feel bad for the old wizard, with him knowing that you’ll be tortured for all time. He’ll know his life wasn’t worth it. He’ll tell you that he’s old, that he’s lived his life, that he’s dying anyway. He will do anything to stop you from making this trade, but it’s already done. You can call me Death. And I will call you mine.”

I fall silent, stepping over a fallen log, wishing the mushrooms on it could save me from this horrible new reality I’ve created for myself. Of course it’s going to break my father’s heart to know I’ll be stuck here, and at some point the truth is going to hit me too, break me into a million pieces that Death will happily eat for breakfast. It ruins me to think of my father out there, mourning me, the guilt he will feel for me taking his place.

But what choice did I have? Death wouldn’t have let both of us go.

Would he have?

“How about you let both my father and I go,” I tell him, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Death seems to think that over. “No,” he says after a moment. “I’m not going to do that.” He sighs. “The truth is, my job isn’t easy and life here is almost always the same. That’s what happens when you’re a God, particularly one of great importance. There’s very little deviation. There are eons of just…the same. I have my hobbies, I have my fights and games, I have my pets, my servants, my councilmen. I have my daughter and my son. I have my vices. I have my maidens. And I have my loyal subjects in the City of Death. But I do not have anything shiny and mortal and new. At least I didn’t until your father showed up. And while he’s not my first choice of company, he did provide a change. You will do the same. So I cannot let you go. One of you must stay. Do you still wish it to be you?”

“Yes,” I say automatically. My heart’s fucking breaking. “My father is a good man. A really good man. And I love him beyond measure. He does not deserve to be locked up in your castle for your amusement, to appease a God’s boredom.”

“And that’s what you deserve?”

“Maybe.” I swallow hard, the iron pressing against my throat. “I never gave much thought to what I deserve. I was just living without appreciating it, without recognizing it. Maybe this is what I deserve, for twenty-four years of just floating along the surface, not grabbing onto life while I had it.”

“Mmhmmph,” he says after a moment. “That’s very dramatic. I can’t tell if it’s amusing or annoying.”

I want to glare at him, but I’m still stuck on something from earlier. “Are you really going to cure my father’s cancer? Torben Heikkinen? Make sure that he can live out his full life?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” he says. “I regret it already, but I don’t like going back on my word. I said it, so it’s done.”

My heart nearly bursts, even though the feeling is bittersweet.

My father’s life will be extended.

I just won’t be part of his life anymore.

“You could thank me,” Death says. “No one ever thanks me.”

“Because no one wants to die!” I tell him.

“Why not?” he asks. “If they knew what was in the City of Death, they wouldn’t fear it. They might even welcome it. Even those who are damned to Inmost aren’t damned forever. We have Bone Matches where the winner can live in the Golden Mean.”

I stare at the black void of his face. “Don’t you want to be feared? Isn’t that the whole point of you?”

Another waft of dead air passes between us, sending an icy chill down my spine. In the distance, thunder crashes and the clouds grow dark.

I’ve made him angry again.

Death stops and takes a step toward me, leaning down, leaning in close, and all I can do is stare into the dark abyss as the abyss stares back. “Do you not fear me, little bird?” he rasps, his voice a black hand reaching into my soul. “Because I spared you on the spider’s web? You don’t even know what fear is, you impetuous mortal. Not yet. I will break you into a thousand little worthless pieces, I will suck your heart through the marrow of your bones, I will take your body, your memories, every ounce that defines you, and grind you into my morning coffee, so that your suffering will give me energy for the day. I will make you beg for death, and even then I won’t grant it to you, all for my own fucking amusement. So go ahead and squander your fear. You’ll need it later. Your life will depend on it.”

He keeps walking but I feel like I’m rooted into the ground, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, the fear making a home in every corner of my body.

“Come along,” he growls, yanking at the chain and I’m pulled toward him, the iron collar nearly snapping my neck. I stumble along, lost in the fear, in the loss of hope, my thoughts and emotions caught in a whirlpool of despair, until the Hiisi forest ends and we come to the desert with the weird orange haze. To my surprise, it’s completely empty.

“Where is everyone?” I ask.

“They went after the redhead,” Death says gruffly.

“So we’re walking?”