Rival (Fall Away, #2)(40)

He wouldn’t know that I’d lost five pounds in the past two weeks or that I’d had dreams every night that made me never want to wake up.

I clenched my teeth and blinked away the burn in my eyes, typing nonsense just so I could look like I had my shit together in front of my dad.

“Nothing that happens on the surface of the sea can alter the calm of its depths,” my father would say, quoting Andrew Harvey.

But the depths weren’t calm. A black hole had opened up in the center of my stomach from seeing Madoc again and it was sucking me in little by little. The sky got blacker every day, and my heart beat slower and slower.

“You’re going to ruin me, Fallon.”


I punched the keys harder. I had no idea what I was writing for the summer course I’d picked up to keep busy.

My father walked toward the doorway but stopped to look at me before leaving. “Do you feel better now?”

I swallowed the ache. At least I tried to. But I tipped my chin up anyway and looked at him head-on. “I never expected to feel better. I just wanted them to feel worse.”

He stood there in silence for a moment and then walked out.

? ? ?

A week later, I came out of the shower to see that I had missed calls from my mother and Tate.

I clenched the phone in my hand, wanting to talk to one of them but knowing I shouldn’t and knowing I should talk to the other but not wanting to. Neither had left messages, but Tate had texted after the call.


Need a roommate at NW?

My eyes narrowed, but I smiled a little despite myself. Without hesitation I called her back.

“Hey, there you are,” she answered, laughter in her voice.

“What’s this about a roommate?” I lay back on my bed, my wet hair splayed across the sheets.

“Well,” she started, “my dad finally accepted that I really want to go to Northwestern—and I do. I just didn’t tell him that I’d changed my plans because of him. Anyway, he won’t let me live with Jared. He’s insisting on the full college experience and wants me in the dorms the first year.”

“You listen to your daddy. That’s cute,” I teased, although I envied her having such an involved parent.

She snorted. “People don’t deliberately piss off my father. Especially Jared.”

My face fell immediately at the mention of her boyfriend. Madoc aside, I had threatened Jason Caruthers with exposing Jared’s mom. I wondered if he knew. It didn’t sound like Tate did. I didn’t think she would have forgiven me easily for that—and I was surprised to feel a sudden pang of guilt at having betrayed her friendship.

“So,” she continued, mischief in her voice. “Are you in the dorms this year?”

“Yeah, and I happen to have a double I’m using as a single.”

It was perfect actually. Tate and I got along, and for some reason, I was looking forward to school starting now.

“A single? You don’t want to be in a single. It’s soooo lonely,” she drawled out with exaggeration.

I laughed.

But I was still unsure. Tate meant Jared. And Jared meant Madoc. I couldn’t be around him.

He wouldn’t want to be around me.

“Tate, I don’t know. I mean, I’d love to have you as a roomie—but to be honest, Madoc and I don’t get along. I just don’t think it’s the best situation for us to run into each other.”

“Madoc?” She sounded confused. “Madoc would only be around Jared’s apartment if he ever came to Chicago for visits, which I’m not sure is going to happen. Madoc’s off the radar these days.”

I sat up. “What do you mean?”

“He got sent to Notre Dame early. His dad has a house there, I guess, so Madoc went there until school starts and the dorms open up next month.” She hesitated, and another wave of guilt racked me.

He was gone.

And he was probably sent away from home because of me.

She continued. “It’s probably for the best. With Madoc’s dad and Jared’s mom getting together, Madoc was pretty pissed. He and Jared got in a fight, and no one has talked to him in weeks. We’re all just giving him some space.”

Shit.

What about Lucas? Has Madoc come home to spend time with his little brother at all?

My face fell, and I felt like shit all over again. This was my fault. Maybe I should have felt like it was poetic justice for Madoc to be sent away like I was, but I didn’t want him alone. And I hated that he’d had to leave his little brother.

“So?” she prompted. “What do you think?”

What did I think? I wanted to say yes, but I knew I should be distancing myself from anyone Madoc-related.

I sighed, trying to hide the nervousness in my voice. “I say we’re going to have a kick-ass year, roomie.”

“Hell, yeah!” she screamed and then jacked up her God-awful metal music in the background.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and winced.

Wow.





CHAPTER 16




MADOC


My hands dug deep into her bottom, squeezing the firm flesh as I buried my face in her neck. I didn’t look at her. If I didn’t, I could almost imagine that . . .

“Mr. Caruthers, stop. Not here.” She squirmed against my body and giggled as she tried pushing me away.