Reminders of Him(46)
I’m not here to fill some void in my daughter’s life. I’m here to fill a void in mine.
I blink back tears and blow out a calming breath. “I know I shouldn’t have come back here. You’re right. But I can’t just up and leave. It took everything I had to get here, and now I’m stuck. I have nowhere to go and no money to get there because the grocery store is only part time.”
The empathy has returned to his face, but he’s quiet.
“If they don’t want me here, I’ll leave. It’s just going to take time because I don’t have the money, and every business in this town has turned me down because of my past.”
Ledger pushes off the counter. He clasps his hands behind his head and paces a few steps. I don’t want him to think I’m asking for money. That would be the most mortifying result of this conversation.
But if he offered me money, I’m not sure I’d turn it down. If they want me to leave badly enough to pay for my exit, I’ll cut my fucking losses and go.
“I can give you eight hours on Friday and Saturday nights.” He looks like he regrets the offer as soon as it leaves his mouth. “It’s just kitchen work. Mostly dishes. But you have to stay in the back of the bar. No one can know you work there. If the Landrys find out I’m helping you . . .”
I realize he’s offering me this opportunity to get me out of town quicker. He’s not doing me a favor; he’s doing Patrick and Grace a favor. I try not to think about the whys, though. “I won’t tell anyone,” I say quickly. “I swear.”
The hesitant look on Ledger’s face conveys his regret. It looks like he’s about to say never mind, so I hurry up and spit out a thank you before he can backtrack. “I get off work at four o’clock Friday and Saturday. I can be there by four thirty.”
He nods, and then says, “Come in through the back door. And if anyone asks, tell them your name is Nicole. That’s what I’ll tell the other employees.”
“Okay.”
He shakes his head like he’s just made the biggest mistake of his life, and then he heads to the front door. He says, “Good night,” but his voice is clipped when he says it. Then he closes the door behind him.
Ivy is rubbing against my ankles, so I bend down and pick her up. I bring her up to my chest and cuddle her.
Ledger might have just offered me a job to get me out of town, but I sit down on my couch with a smile, because I got to see my daughter’s face today. No matter how depressing the rest of the day was, I finally got a piece of something I’ve been praying five years for.
I grab my notebook and write the most important letter I’ve ever written to Scotty.
Dear Scotty,
She looks like both of us, but she laughs like you.
She’s perfect in every way.
I’m so sorry you never got to meet her.
Love,
Kenna
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LEDGER
Kenna is supposed to show up any minute. Roman has been off since the night I hired her, so I haven’t had a chance to warn him. But I’ve been debating on changing my mind about hiring her since the second I made up my mind.
Roman just arrived, and Kenna said she’d be here around four thirty, so now is probably a good time to bring it up to him so he’s not blindsided.
I’m slicing up limes and oranges to make sure we have enough garnishes for the night. Roman hasn’t even made it behind the bar yet when I say, “I fucked up.” I meant to say, “I hired Kenna,” but I feel like they both have the same meaning.
Roman eyes me suspiciously.
I can’t have this conversation while I’m slicing fruit, so I put the knife down before I hack off a finger. “I hired Kenna. Part time, but no one can know who she is. Call her Nicole in front of the other employees.” I pick up the knife again because I’d rather look at the limes than at the expression Roman is giving me right now.
“Um. Wow. Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
I hear his keys and his phone as he drops them on the bar and then scoots out a stool. “Good thing we both work until midnight. Start talking.”
I walk to the edge of the bar and glance back into the kitchen to make sure we’re still alone. No one else has arrived yet, so I give him a quick rundown of what happened in the grocery store parking lot, and how I showed her videos of Diem and then took her for burgers and somehow ended up feeling sorry for her and offered her a job to help her get out of town.
I get the whole story out, and the whole time, he’s completely silent.
“I asked her to stay in the back, away from the customers,” I say. “I can’t risk Grace or Patrick finding out she works here. I’m not worried about them showing up; they never come here. But I’d still like her to stay in the back. She can do the dishes and help Aaron.”
Roman laughs. “So, you essentially hired a barback who can back but not bar?”
“There’s plenty to do back there to keep her busy.”
I hear Roman swipe his phone and his keys off the bar. Right before he disappears through the double doors to the kitchen, he says, “I don’t want to hear another word about the fucking cupcakes ever again.”
He’s gone before I can point out that his being obsessed with the married baker down the street is a little different than my giving Kenna a job to get her out of town faster.