Reluctantly Home(71)
‘So, even though you thought I might have a degree of responsibility for what happened to Scarlet, you still wanted to spend time with me?’ she asked.
When Pip raised her eyes, Evelyn could see the tears welling up, her lip quivering.
‘I wanted to know how you managed it,’ she said, her voice faltering. ‘I needed to know how you could live with that level of guilt and not let it consume you. I just can’t do it. I’m crumbling under the weight of what I’m carrying. I can’t get out from under it. And yet you seemed untouched by it. I just wanted to know how you coped without falling apart.’
‘And now?’ Evelyn asked archly. ‘Now that you know I am not the panacea to all your ills?’
Pip’s shoulders sagged. ‘Please don’t be like that,’ she said. ‘Of course I knew that you hadn’t really been to blame. I felt it in my heart. It was like I knew you, after reading so many of your inner thoughts.’ Here she blushed, a pretty pink colour that washed across her face like a sunset, and Evelyn felt herself soften.
‘And I knew that the woman from those pages couldn’t have hurt her own child. I just didn’t know what had actually happened. And now I do, now that everything makes more sense to me, I know I was right about you in the first place. Of course you couldn’t have done anything that might have harmed Scarlet.’ Pip bit her lip. ‘And how about you, Evelyn? Do you still want to spend time with me, knowing I doubted you?’
Evelyn had to think about it for less than half a second.
‘I wouldn’t want to spend time with you if you hadn’t doubted me,’ she replied.
42
Tea and scones finished and with their relationship on a slightly firmer footing, they set back off along the prom towards the house. Evelyn reached for Pip’s arm for support without comment this time, and Pip’s heart warmed at the intimacy of the gesture. It felt good to be trusted like that, to be needed.
The wind was still blowing in off the water, although the sky was now a cloudless, perfect blue. Pip wished they had a kite, and then wondered where the thought had come from. She hadn’t flown a kite in as long as she could remember. Was her old one still buried in a cupboard somewhere at the farm? She’d ask her mother when she got back. Hell, she might even buy herself a new one and bring it down to the beach. She pictured herself running along the beach tugging at the string, a huge brightly coloured diamond flying along behind her, its tail ribbons dancing like little butterflies. Did you ever get too old for things like that? Rose would have thought you did, but Pip definitely didn’t agree.
She felt lighter than she had, knowing now that she had misinterpreted Evelyn’s diary entry, and what had happened to Joan had been entirely accidental. Now she could allow herself to grow fond of Evelyn in a way she might not have done had the doubt been still hanging over her. It was also good to finally understand what had happened to Scarlet, but so unbearably sad that Pip didn’t want to think about it in case it smothered the glowing embers of happiness she could feel in the pit of her stomach.
Evelyn seemed to have gained something from their conversation as well. Pip could tell from the pace of their return journey that their outing had exhausted her although she was doing her best to hide it, but she too seemed lighter in spirit. What she had said about Joan hadn’t been a confession as such, but it must have been cathartic for her on some level. Despite the weariness in her step, Evelyn seemed younger than she had before.
A little girl, who must have been a similar age to Scarlet when she died, ran out in front of them and headed for the concrete steps down to the beach, her mother chasing almost immediately behind. The sudden movement made Pip jump, as all such things did these days, but Evelyn smiled, watching after the child as she made her way gingerly down the steep steps one at a time, always leading with the same leg.
‘It’s so lovely to be out, Pip,’ she said when the child had finally reached the beach. ‘Thank you for bringing me.’
‘My pleasure,’ Pip replied. ‘Now, before we get back, tell me something about Ted. You mention him a couple of times, but not any visits. Did he come to see you?’
Evelyn’s face lit up at the mention of Ted, and her eyes seemed to twinkle. ‘Dear, dear Ted,’ she said. ‘He used to come quite often when I first moved back. And he’d ring for a chat too, when he could. He really was a good friend to me.’
Pip turned her head and eyed Evelyn quizzically.
Evelyn seemed to catch her meaning at once and she tutted and shook her head. ‘Not like that, you mucky-minded pup! I don’t think he was really interested in women, or men for that matter. He told me he’d been married once, but it didn’t last. He devoted his entire life to caring for his mother. They were inseparable. There was such contrast there. Ted would have done anything for his mum. I couldn’t get away from mine fast enough, but I suppose it takes all sorts.’
Pip thought about her own mother, how she tried so hard to do and say the right thing, always treading on eggshells around her, and her stomach tightened. She knew she’d been horribly ungrateful when she was younger. It was little wonder her parents had been upset by her airs and graces. But she’d try harder now, she decided, show her mother she really did appreciate what she had done, and was continuing to do for her.
‘When Scarlet was tiny,’ Evelyn said, ‘Ted was about the only visitor I ever had. Peter came, of course, when she was first born, although babies really weren’t his thing until he had one of his own. But Ted came whenever he could get time off and borrow a vehicle of some sort. He was great with her, used to take her for long walks in her pram so I could get some sleep. Joan would never help with her, because I’d made my own bed and all that. Sometimes Ted would come, and I’d sleep for the whole time he was here. I used to wonder what kind of conversations he and Joan might have had when I wasn’t there, but actually, I think they just avoided one another.