Reign of Wrath (Dirty Broken Savages #3)(50)

I’ve come when touching her or being touched by her several times now, but I still haven’t fucked her yet. I want to. So fucking badly.

But something is holding me back. I’m afraid I’ll lose my erection or it will soften, and River will think it’s her.

It’s not her. It could never be her.

It’s me.

I’m fucked up, and no matter how much I care about her and want her, that hasn’t just vanished in a flash. Life doesn’t work that way.

I reach down and palm my dick through my pants, rubbing myself for a few short strokes. There’s a burst of pleasure in my veins, and I breathe through it, letting it wash over me for just a second.

Then I stride down the hall, refocusing on work. Focusing on what I can do for River.

I head downstairs and find Ash in the kitchen.

“How did it go this afternoon?” I ask him, going to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

Ash heaves a sigh, one elbow propped on the table, and his free hand flipping a card over and over. “It was going fine until we ran into Julian at the fucking gas station.”

My eyebrows raise at that and the anger in Ash’s voice. He’s usually the more mellow of the four of us, taking most things in stride with a flippant joke, but it’s clear he’s pissed as fuck about whatever happened with Julian.

“Knox is with River. She said she wanted to be alone, but…” He trails off with a shrug, and I nod.

“I know.”

I’m aware of both the fact that Knox is with River and that sometimes being alone with the kind of pain she’s feeling right now is the last thing a person actually needs.

“What did you guys find out while you were out?” I ask him.

Ash scowls at the table. “Not as much as we hoped to. Seeing Julian just kind of... fucked everything up. He was being a bastard, talking about how he’s not going to have a funeral for Hannah since no one would mourn her, and River went to a rough place. We had to stop her from hauling off and smacking him right there in the gas station.”

I nod, understanding that completely. I had my revenge on the people who killed Jade, but if I’d come across any of them just out and about, I don’t know if I’d have been able to stop myself from hurting them.

“I could go out with you,” I offer. “Since Knox is busy and Gage isn’t here. To get the info we need.”

We’ve been trying to find out when Julian’s next big shipment of drugs will be coming in, so we can disrupt the shipment somehow.

“Sure,” Ash replies, nodding. “Let’s do it.”

The two of us head out and meet with a guy who used to be a drug runner. Like everyone in that particular industry, he still keeps his ears to the ground about what’s going on. It’s hard to actually get out, even if you don’t do the work anymore.

There’s usually a price for that kind of information, since money always talks. Luckily, we can easily pay it.

He looks at us suspiciously for a bit, until the money comes out, then he seems like he’s eager to talk.

“It’s yours if you tell us what you know,” I say.

“And we’ll know if you’re lying,” Ash adds.

“I got no reason to lie,” the runner tells us with a shrug. “Need the money more than I need to keep any secrets. I’ve seen stuff come in for Maduro before, and I know where he gets his shit from.”

“Can you tell us when his next shipment is coming in? And what route it will take?” I ask.

He nods. “Yeah, sure. It’s been about two weeks since he’s gotten any supply if my timing’s right. So it should be in the next two weeks or so. He’s a big dealer, so he goes through shit pretty fast. He doesn’t deal super locally, either. He’s got it good enough that he can have shit coming in from wherever he wants, pretty much. But he usually goes to the same source, and his runners take one of three paths. Usually switching it up every once in a while.”

“And you know what path the runner will be on this time?” Ash wants to know.

“Sure do. Been a minute since this one was used, and I’m cool with a friend of the guy who does the running.” He gestures for us to lean in closer, and he starts describing the route the driver will take, and we both commit it to memory as best we can.

It’s enough to go on for now, and it gives us a place to start.

With that information, we head home. Ash is in a better mood since we have something actionable to work on, something that will get us to the next stage of the plan.

I feel a little better too, but I keep thinking about what Ash said about running into Julian and how River was fucked up afterward.

I know, probably better than anyone, that we can’t erase her pain. We can’t bring her sister back or make it not hurt anymore that she’s gone. But I want to do something. Something that will help in this time where we’re still putting the pieces together for how to take out Julian.

I keep turning it over and over in my head. Julian’s a fucking prick for saying that no one would mourn Hannah, especially in front of the one person who’s mourning her the most. He might not want to do anything to celebrate Hannah’s life, but that doesn’t mean River doesn’t want that.

Thinking about it that way gives me an idea.

“Ash. I think... we should do a memorial for Hannah. We don’t need a church or a casket or a funeral to honor her passing properly. Julian won’t do it, so we will. For River. Maybe it will give her some closure or peace. I don’t know.”