Reign of Wrath (Dirty Broken Savages #3)(21)

“I wish you didn’t have to be so strong,” I tell her. “I wish the world hadn’t made that your only option. But I’m glad as fuck that if that’s the case, you’re strong enough to handle it. I’m glad none of this shit has consumed you.”

The shaking has stopped, and she lets out a small, soft sigh, resting her head against my chest.

“I don’t know what to do now,” she admits. “I’m just… I feel lost. I had vengeance on my mind before, but now what? I make another list? It didn’t even work the first time. It didn’t get rid of the demons, and now there are only more of them.”

She shudders against me, and her voice cracks a little when she speaks again. “I can’t bring Hannah back. No matter what I do. There’s not going to be another chance. It’s just... over.”

She sounds so lost and so vulnerable. Like she’s afraid of drowning under all of this and is reaching out a hand to be helped.

It makes anger burn in my chest, fierce and hot. Of the four Kings, I have the reputation for being the easy-going one. I’m not as tightly wound as Gage or Priest, not as bloodthirsty as Knox. But I fucking hate Julian Maduro more than anyone I’ve ever despised before. Even more than I hate my mother for all the shit she put me through when I was just a kid, pimping me out to the rich women in the neighborhood next to ours.

I think about what Julian has done, what he robbed River of, and I want to destroy him. I want him fucked up and hurt and alone, the way he’s made River feel. Only multiplied by like a hundred, because that’s what the motherfucker deserves.

He deserves to burn and to suffer and to know the reason why.

But it’s not on me to do that to him. He didn’t take away someone I loved.

That revenge is for River to claim.

“Maybe you don’t need a list this time,” I tell her. “Maybe you should just burn it all down. Tear Julian’s whole fucking life apart from the roots up.”

She lifts her head and looks at me, curiosity in her eyes. It’s nice to see that. To see something other than the pain and misery that has to be pressing on her.

“He deserves to die for what he did, but that’s too easy. So you don’t just kill him,” I say. “You destroy him and his whole operation. Make sure no one can pick up where he left off, like he did when his father died. Just tear the whole fucking thing apart.” I grin at her, reaching up to brush a water soaked lock of hair back from her face. “Then you kill him. When he’s already at his lowest.”

A hint of a spark glints in her eyes at that, the old River reappearing for just a second. It’s a flash, but it’s all I need to know that she’s still in there. Still fighting.

River chews on her lip like she’s thinking it over. Then she sighs.

“At the very least, I have to get Cody out. I owe Hannah that much. She was willing to stay with Julian for as long as it took to make sure he didn’t have a chance to fuck that kid up, so I’ll honor that. I won’t let Hannah’s little boy be raised by somebody like Julian.”

“That’s fair,” I agree. “I can’t see Julian Maduro being some warm and loving dad. What will you do once you get the kid out?”

“I have no fucking idea,” River admits. “I don’t... I don’t know how to feel about him. Cody, I mean. When I look at him, I see Lorenzo. I see Julian. I see another Maduro just waiting to grow up and use women as his pawns and puppets. But that’s not all there is. He has pieces of Hannah in him too. She wouldn’t let him grow up to be a monster, and it mattered to her, so I have to try to help him.”

I nod and shrug a shoulder. “If it helps, all of us had shitty parents. I mean, I told you about my mom and what she did to me. But we managed to come out of it okay—or okay enough that we each became something better. We weren’t defined by our parents and their shit.”

I can see her considering that, taking it all in. Finally, she nods, glancing up at me again.

“You’re right. My dad was a piece of shit, and my mom died when I was too young to really remember her or know what kind of parent she was.”

River’s skin is wet but warm when I reach up and cup her cheek, brushing my thumb over her cheekbone. There’s a small bruise forming there, and it’s a toss-up at this point what it’s even from. It’s been a hell of a day or so.

“See?” I tell her. “Despite all that, you turned out to be incredible.”

Her gaze softens at my words, but there’s a half grin on her face. “Yeah, but none of us are exactly great examples of people who turned out ‘good,’ you know?”

I laugh. “Okay, fair point. Maybe we’re not good. But we’re bad to the right people. That counts in my book.”

The water sputters a little, but even though we’ve been standing here for so long, it doesn’t start to go cold. We’re still wrapped up in the steam and the heat of it, like we’re in our own little sauna together. I pull River closer again, and she tucks her cheek against my chest, letting out a soft sigh. It sounds almost like contentment, but maybe that’s wishful thinking. At the very least, she doesn’t seem as lost as she did before.

I’ll take that.

I hold her while the water beats down around us, both of us naked, skin to skin.