Reign of Brayshaw (Brayshaw High #3)(10)

Why the fuck would she care?

I frown at nothing.

Nothing makes fucking sense!

My mom was Brayshaw but ran away. A Graven drugged me, poked and prodded – literally – and then simply let me go like the shit he pulled was normal, like he was untouchable and allowed to do with me as he may.

He’s not and he can’t.

“Hey.”

I glance over my shoulder when Captain speaks, pulling me from my thoughts.

He looks like shit, restless.

“What’s up?”

“You and Maddoc talk last night?” he asks.

I set my hoodie on the bed and turn around with a frown. “No, Cap. He didn’t suddenly decide to betray your trust by filling me in where I’ve been left out.”

His eyes fall and instantly I feel like shit.

With a heavy sigh, I start, “Sorry, I’m extra cranky being up so early today, my head’s still fuzzy, and I haven’t had a maple bar in a few days now, think I’m feening,” I joke.

His lips tip up and he slowly brings his eyes back to mine.

So much sadness...

Cap pokes his head into the hall, and then steps all the way in, gently closing the door behind him, and my pulse starts kicking.

“Cap.”

“You saw the card in my drawer.”

Well, shit.

Did I not put it back exactly the way it was?

I nod.

“Do you want to know why I kept it?”

I drop onto my mattress, shaking my head. “Come on, packman. This is a game me and you play well. You know I do, but I’m gonna need you to volunteer the information. You have to want to talk shit out.” I shrug.

He sighs and walks over, bending his knees once he’s in front of me, bringing us eye level. “You’d ask Maddoc.”

“Eh, I like him when he’s angry.” I laugh and Cap chuckles with me. “No, but for real. I’d ask Maddoc because that’s how he likes it. He wants me to push him, so I do. You though, Cap, I can’t ask because while I wish you could share things, you’re not ready to yet and I’m sure you have a reason. You’re smart, the logical one of the bunch. I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t,” he rushes out instantly, and I pull back. “Raven, don’t let me ruin your life.”

I draw farther away from him. “What are you talking about?”

A pained expression covers his face and he runs his hands across it, but it doesn’t wipe it away.

“I’m trying, so fucking hard, not to betray everyone closest to me, but it’s only been hours since I knew how to fix what’s broken in my world and already I’m losing control. I feel like I might snap at any moment,” he admits, shame and self-hate seeping from every word.

Shit. What the hell is going on? What the fuck am I supposed to say?

I go with the same thing I did Maddoc, in different words. “Tell me what you need from me, Cap.”

“Push back. Accept nothing as the final word, fucking fight.” Footsteps on the stairs have both of us looking toward the door briefly and then at each other again. “We were born for Brayshaw, but you, Raven, you are Brayshaw. Use that power if you have to, even if in the end, it’s against us.”

“I...” What the hell? “No.”

“Raven,” he croaks, stepping in a little. “Please.”

“Not happening.” I hold strong. “If there’s something so serious coming, something that’ll pin me against you for real, any of you, I won’t be a part of it. I can’t.”

“You can.”

“No.” I stand, frowning down at him. “I can’t. I physically can not. I have never cared about another person in my life, Captain. I don’t even really know how, but I’m learning, and the last thing I’d do is turn my back on the first people to mean a damn thing to me. Me or one of you, it’s you guys. Always. That’s how this works.”

“Raven—”

“Stop. You act like you three don’t have the same way of thinking. I know what you’d do for me, you need to accept what I’d do for you. I love you, Captain. I love Royce. And Maddoc...” My throat grows suddenly dry, the words settling into my soul. Refusing to be buried any longer, they fight for a way out for the first time.

I love him. Completely.

I swallow, giving him my full truth. “I’d fall in an instant if it meant you guys stood strong.”

He jumps to his feet, the angry glare on his face taking me off guard. “That’s the point, Raven,” he growls, blue eyes cloudy from a clear lack of sleep. “We can’t be strong without you, not anymore. You fall or leave, turn your back on us, we’re seconds behind. We’ll fucking crack, Raven. Stop thinking you’re worth less than we are. You’re a part of us.”

“So... it sounds like one by one we all fall.” I pop a shoulder, at a loss when I don’t even know the cost or what the hell he’s talking about. “Who does that leave standing, Cap?”

His face falls in an instant, like he just realized the outcome to whatever reality is playing out in his mind. “Shit.”

He turns toward the door, pausing to look at me over his shoulder. “If I told you to leave this alone, to stay away from Perkins and the Gravens...”