Reckless (Thoughtless, #3)(57)

Grabbing his hand again, I nodded. “Yes, and it’s okay.” Just saying the words made my stomach tighten, but it had to be done.

Kellan gaped at me. “It’s . . . okay? How is me ‘film f*cking’ someone okay?”

Stepping into his body, I trailed my fingers up his arms and wrapped them around the back of his neck. He was rigid at first, but he gradually relaxed as I held him. “Well, all right, maybe ‘okay’ isn’t the best word. The thought of you being with her is actually a little horrifying.” Kellan’s body started to tense again and I immediately told him, “But it’s a necessary evil.”

Kellan shook his head, his arms wrapping around my waist. “No, it isn’t necessary.” His anger draining, he rested his head against mine. “I don’t want to hurt you. And I don’t see how any of this won’t hurt you.”

Pulling back from him, I said, “And I don’t want you to give up on your dream because of me.” He shook his head, looking away from me, and I grabbed his cheek. “You’re so close, so very close. Just do this one thing to jumpstart your career, to jumpstart the guys’ careers. Then, when you’ve completed your contract terms and you’re the most sought-after band in the industry, find another label. That will prove your point much better than . . . you know.”

Kellan smirked at me, and I smiled at seeing some of his humor coming back. But the seriousness in his face returned as he exhaled a long breath. He didn’t say anything for several seconds. I could see that his mind was churning, debating, and I gave him a moment to process everything that had just been thrown at him. When he did finally speak, his voice was quiet. “I don’t want to let the guys down, I really don’t, and I see what you’re saying. But when I said I was through with other girls, I meant it. You’re it for me. I don’t want to touch her.”

Stroking his skin with my thumb, I murmured, “I know. And I love you so much for that. But this doesn’t have to affect us if we don’t let it. You’re still my husband. I’m still your wife. Acting like you feel differently on camera doesn’t change any of that. Okay?”

Kellan slowly nodded, then sighed. “I’m not even sure if I can film a love scene with someone other than you.”

Running a hand through his still slicked back hair, I husked, “Sure you can. Just pretend she’s me. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

I gave him a wry smile so he would know I was teasing. He gave me a devilish grin in response. His face sobered instantly, though. “You really want me to do this?”

I bit my lip. Did I want this? No. I didn’t want his body anywhere near Sienna’s. But I wanted success for him, and for him to walk away now, over . . . this . . . seemed too great a price for him to pay. I nodded. “Yes, I do.” Kellan closed his eyes, nodding once. I gave him a light kiss, hating that someone else would be touching that miraculous mouth soon. “And, Kellan”—his eyes cracked opened—“if this is really going to happen, I need to be there. I need to watch it.”

His eyes sprang all the way open. “No.”

I nodded, kissing him again. “I have to, Kellan.”

“Why?” he murmured against my lips. “Why would you want to see that, Kiera?”

Because I’m a glutton for punishment. “Because it will be so much worse in my head if I don’t.”

“Kiera,” he pleaded. “I don’t want this, but if I have to do it, then I want you as far away from it as possible.” Pushing my shoulder back, he squatted to look me in the eye. “I don’t want to hurt you, and if our roles were reversed, I couldn’t handle watching you with another man.”

I gave him a sad smile as I whispered, “You already did.”

Kellan’s mouth parted, and a wave of sadness swept over his features. It broke my heart. “I love you,” I told him, bringing my lips to his.

Doing my best to erase his sadness, I tasted his lips over and over. His breath eventually picked up as the passionate fire inside him sparked under my administrations. His hands came up to tangle in my hair, holding my head tight to his. His tongue passed over mine, teasing me, and a low moan disrupted the stillness of our bedroom. An erotic noise burrowed up from Kellan’s chest, mixing with my breathy exhales. My impatient hands ran up and under his shirt. I needed all of the barriers between us gone. Now.

Kellan broke apart from me to help my eager fingers remove his shirt, then instantly sought my lips again once the material was free. I traced the lines and valleys I knew and loved so well. My fingers found the deep V of his lower abdomen, and I tugged on the waistband of his damp shorts, needing those off as well. Kellan helped me there too, and before I could really comprehend it, he was standing before me, completely bare and not the least bit self-conscious about it.

His eyes were hooded as mine roved over his body. He was mine, heart and soul. Sienna may have a brief moment with him—a very tiny, tiny, taste—but she would never have the full magnificence of this stunning man. I almost felt a little sorry for her. Almost.

Breath fast, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him onto the bed. As soon as my back hit the mattress, he started stripping away my clothes. My damp shorts met up with his on the floor, my tankini briefs immediately following. His hands slid up my sides, taking my top with it, and I groaned when my chest was free. His mouth enclosed a nipple, and I delighted in something I knew he wouldn’t be able to film with her. Not for a PG-13 music video.