Reckless Girls(73)

DK: Can you be more specific?

JC: The first dead person. The first body. I don’t know what you want me to say?

DK: The first male victim, Nicholas Johannsen.

JC: Right. He was … actually, can we take a break?

[INTERVIEW PAUSED FOR TWENTY-THREE MINUTES]

JC: Okay. Thank you. So yeah, Ashley had gone deeper into the jungle, I guess, she loves that kind of sh—stuff. We heard her scream, but I honestly thought it was just going to be a snake or something. I didn’t think it was going to be a body.

DK: And what was the next course of action for your group after you found Mr. Johannsen?

JC: Bobby ran to get back to the boat to use the radio. Tucker wanted to keep searching around, which I thought was a dumb idea, but I was just kind of … numb? You know how they say on those shows, like Dateline, stuff like that, that people find a body and think it’s, like, a mannequin? It wasn’t like that. There was no doubt it was a body. I remember thinking that. Like, looking at him and being all, “That’s a body. That was a person, and now he’s dead.” And when I saw the pictures later, it was so weird. Like, he was this really hot guy! I’m sorry. That’s shallow, I guess, but that’s what I thought. That he looked like someone I’d want to know, and now he was dead. Is that weird?

DK: Not at all. But if we can stay on track here—

JC: Right. Sorry. Anyway, we kept going until we got to this beach, and that’s when Tucker found the others. I never really saw them because Tucker pushed us back into the jungle, but I remember the smell, and … is it true? What it said on the internet about the crabs or the rats or whatever it was?

DK: The condition of the bodies was consistent with predation typical on that island.

JC: Jesus. Okay, that’s one way to put it. [subject pauses] It’s just so fucked up. It’s so pretty there. Seriously, it was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen, like honest-to-god heaven or Eden or something, and then you find all that. [subject begins to cry] Why would anyone ever want to go there after this? Why haven’t y’all like napalmed the shit out of that island? Because that’s what I would do. Blast it off the fucking map.

DK: Ms. Cartwright, if you can—

JC: No, I’m serious. We went there to have a good time, and found six fucking dead bodies. And you know that other girl, the one they didn’t find, is still there, too. Or in the ocean, or maybe those fucking crabs got her. I keep thinking about that. I keep seeing her in my head and—

DK: Let’s take another break, okay?

[INTERVIEW PAUSED]





IN THE AFTER





EPILOGUE





Caroline wishes she’d never come to Thailand.

It’s beautiful, sure, and loud and colorful, the sights and sounds are so different from her home back in Washington State. But she’s sitting alone in this dingy bar, one ankle threaded through the strap of her backpack to ensure that on top of everything else, she doesn’t get robbed, too, as she literally cries into her beer.

She’s so fucking pathetic.

She never should have gotten involved with Tanner in the first place.

He’s her roommate’s ex, which is both a total cliché and a violation of Girl Code. It’s what makes it even more disappointing that now, when she should be having the time of her life on the trip of her life, she is doing this—scrolling through pictures on Instagram of some girl she doesn’t even know, some girl named Ainsley.

She keeps repeating the name in her head, a mantra. Ainsley, Ainsley, Ainsley and Tanner, Tanner and Ainsley.

Caroline can practically see the wedding invitations now.

Of course, it might not get that far. Maybe Ainsley, she of the shiny hair and colorful sundresses and golden skin, is just some distraction.

That’s what Tanner had said last night at least, when he and Caroline were having their whispered argument in the hostel.

I was drunk, it was just a little fun, we’re on vacation!

He’s said that every time he’s done some stupid shit on this trip. Bought dodgy weed from an even dodgier guy? It’s a vacation! Forgot to double-check his booking at one of the hotels, so they ended up sleeping in a park? I mean, it’s an adventure, right? It’s supposed to be a little unpredictable.

Got caught with his hands up some other girl’s dress in a bar bathroom last night?

Harmless fun! Vacation! No big deal.

Caroline hated when he said shit like that because it made her feel stupid and small and uptight, and she wondered why every time a guy fucked up, he did exactly this—made a girl think somehow it was her fault, that if only she were cooler and more fun, he might be satisfied.

Sniffling, she scrolls on.

Ainsley, with her perfectly flat stomach in a bikini in Italy. Ainsley, making some kind of symbol with her hand with her sorority sisters. Ainsley, brazenly holding a glass of red wine while sitting on a very white couch.

Caroline knows she needs to stop, but she can’t. And she knows that Tanner and Ainsley are, even now, probably fucking in Ainsley’s nice hotel room, because Caroline had seen the text while Tanner was in the shower this morning.

3 still good? Ainsley had written.

U kno it.

She’d waited all day for the moment when Tanner would suddenly have some errand to run, some friend from UMass to meet up with, some excuse for where he’d disappear to, some reason why Caroline could absolutely not join him.