Reckless Girls(65)

Standing on the deck of the Azure Sky, it’s hard to remember that first night here, just over two weeks ago, when I’d let myself believe I’d found something like a home with these people.

What had felt cozy then feels oppressive now, the water dark around us, locking us in.

Nico could be in that water.

Brittany emerges from the cabin, a cartoonish expression of concern on her face.

“What’s going on?”

“Lux is upset about Nico,” Eliza says, her tone just shy of patronizing.

I feel like I’ve stepped into some kind of twilight zone. Why is everyone acting like I’m blowing this way out of proportion? Even Brittany, who only makes a sympathetic clucking noise as she comes up on the deck, her arms outstretched. “Lux,” she says, as if I’m a child throwing a tantrum. “Would it be all that strange if he had just gone back to Maui?”

I gape at her. “Um, yes? He’s my boyfriend. He wouldn’t just leave me on a deserted island? Besides, you’re the one who paid him to take you here and back.”

She drops her arms, tilting her head to one side. “Yeah, but—is Nico really the kind of guy you can count on?”

You didn’t think he’d sleep with Amma, but he did.

You didn’t think he’d give you a fucked-up lifeline during a storm, but he did.

You didn’t know him at all, did you?

And he didn’t know you.

“Lux,” Eliza says, moving closer, a cloud of her perfume enveloping me. Her expression is gentle, her voice soft. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe he found out about you and Jake?”

My heart seems to stop beating in my chest, and the skin that was burning up just a minute ago goes icy.

“W-what?”

I look to Jake, whose face is unreadable, then to Brittany.

There’s no shock, no surprise.

She knew, too.

They all knew.

My gaze swings back to Jake, but Eliza is already shaking her head. “Jake didn’t say anything. I’m just not a fucking idiot, you know? ‘Exploring the jungle.’ Please. Anyone could have picked up on”—she lifts her hands, making an elegant gesture between me and Jake—“the vibes, as it were. And honestly, Lux, I’m not upset. These things happen.” She gives a shrug. “Why should any of us cut ourselves off from experiences?” She reaches up and brushes my hair back from my face. “But not everyone is so enlightened, are they?”

A plaintive cry of I want to go home swells up in my throat like I’m a little girl. How did I ever think these people—these beautiful, glittering, fake people—were my friends?

The boat rocks gently on the dark water, and the stars are thick overhead, glistening against all that black, and I’m trapped in a nightmare I cannot wake up from.

But the realization that Nico might have known what happened with Jake changes everything.

Eliza is smiling in a way that chills me. “Is it really so hard to imagine that Nico might have decided to leave once he knew you’d cheated on him?”

“He didn’t.”

We all whip around to see Amma, pulling herself up the swim ladder, water streaming off her. She’s pale, her hair is tangled, and there’s something in her eyes that seems wild and angry.

“His boat is on the other side of the fucking island,” she says, and my world tilts all over again.

“He’s not on it, though,” she continues, still shivering. “And the dinghy is there.”

“Then where is he?” I ask, panic making my voice thin and reedy, eyes still wildly scanning the beach, as if he’s going to emerge from the jungle and start waving to us.

“What did you do to him?” Amma’s voice is steady and cold. I whip around, assuming that the question is directed at Jake.

But Amma’s gaze is fixed on Eliza.

“What did you do?” she screams, and then she’s launching herself across the deck.

Chaos erupts. Amma is shouting and crying, Eliza is fending off her flailing fists, Jake is trying to break them apart, while Brittany hangs back, sobbing, “Stop, Amma, stop!” over and over again.

I manage to get ahold of Amma, pressing my thumb into the delicate joint at her wrist. “Amma, Jesus Christ, stop,” I cry. “Eliza wouldn’t do anything to Nico.”

Amma drops her grip on Eliza, and whirls around to face me.

“You stupid bitch,” she snarls. “You think these people are your friends? You think you have any fucking clue what’s going on here?”

“Oh, because you’re one to talk about friends, aren’t you?” Brittany yells, her eyes wild, and then she looks at me.

“I know that Amma told you. About where we met. About my family.”

Brittany’s voice goes tight, her words thick and watery, and I nod, confused.

“And her poor, dead boyfriend, right?”

The fight goes out of Amma. Her shoulders sink, and she seems to stagger a little.

“You knew,” she says, her voice suddenly flat. “I knew you knew. Or you’d find out before I could explain, but Brittany—”

“Well, Lux,” Brittany continues as if Amma hadn’t spoken, “here’s a fun fact for you. Her boyfriend isn’t dead. Just in prison. Do you want to tell her why, Amma?”