Real Bad Things(87)

After writing some more, he settled back in his chair. “Are you sure there’s nothing else you want to share?”

She didn’t know what to do with the question. “Like what?”

He shrugged. Something about him made her trust him. Master manipulation and side effects of sedatives, that’s what. But she couldn’t help herself. She felt like he wanted not only the truth (which she wouldn’t give) but also the why (which she could and had). That something, whatever it was, emboldened her to ask the question that had begun to haunt her.

“Do you think Warren’s still alive?”

He offered a little hmm. “Do you?”

“I asked you first.”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss my thoughts. But I think these two cases are linked. I think that this guy, whoever he is, had something to do with Warren, wherever he is.”

She shook her head. “No, this guy was around years before Warren. I was just a kid then. I don’t think they knew each other.” She recalled the conversation with Angie about Diane helping Jason get rid of Warren’s blood and the signs of the struggle with him in the dirt. “Maybe Warren’s not the missing piece. Maybe Diane is. Maybe she had something to do with both of them going missing.”

“Why do you think that?”

Jason would tell her to stop talking. But he wasn’t here. “I don’t know. A feeling.”

“Did the guy or Diane say anything back then that would make you think that?”

Jane tried to think, but clarity scattered as soon as she almost reached it. “No. Not that I recall. He joked about my mom cutting off his finger.”

“Did she?”

“Maybe. He never said, and then he never came back.”

“Was he violent with you or Diane? Jason?”

“No,” she said. “Never.” That she knew for a fact.

He wrote something down. Without looking up at her or stopping his pen, he asked, “You didn’t answer your own question. Do you think Warren’s alive?”

“I don’t know.” There was never a reason to think he was until now. “I know Georgia Lee and Jason thought they killed him. Accidentally.” She made a point to emphasize that. “And when he didn’t show up, we all thought he either washed out to sea or took off. It’d happened so many times before with the other men. For less interesting reasons.” Her eyes got heavy. She thought about Georgia Lee. How Georgia Lee had rowed the boat near the dam. How she swam back to shore alone. It played in her head, almost like a dream. “You got a Coke or something? Coffee?”

He nodded, stood, and asked someone, maybe the tall old guard, if he’d bring her something. Task dispatched, he returned to their table. A kinder, gentler, less agitated detective. He even smiled before returning to his notes and scribbling something for a while.

Finally, he set down his pen and looked at her. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“What?” she asked.

He kind of shrugged as if to say, Everything.

“You get used to it.” She regretted letting that part slip as soon as she said it. She was usually more careful, but with the way things were going, that old melancholy resurfaced, one that sometimes receded during good days but always waited there in the background, ready to make an appearance. Her voice cracked. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I’d say it’s a big deal.”

His tone sounded genuine. He was either the most empathetic cop she’d ever met, or he was a really good actor. Probably the latter.

Though she didn’t want to and tried not to, Jane found herself wiping at her eyes. No one had been upset by her and Jason’s circumstances before. No one else, that is, except Georgia Lee and Angie.

Benjamin returned his focus to his paper and began to make little notes. A kind gesture. At some point, Jane had stopped telling people about her childhood. About Diane. She always ended up comforting the other person instead of being comforted. It was easier to keep quiet; then at least she wouldn’t have to watch them cry and carry on about how unfair it was when there was absolutely nothing they could do to help her or change the past.

She grew embarrassed that Benjamin had seen her cry and tried to shake it off. She felt compelled to apologize and excuse her tears as a result of being overtired and frustrated.

“Sorry,” she said and blew her nose on the napkin placed underneath the Coke the guard had brought while she was crying.

Benjamin told her not to feel sorry, but she did. She felt sorry for everything that had happened. Sorry for herself, mostly. And angry and hurt. Then she felt embarrassed for apologizing like some dumb girl. People always put the blame on girls, but then they always told girls not to apologize. And then she felt embarrassed for feeling embarrassed. And then she remembered something she should’ve thought of sooner.

She wiped her eyes and pretended that the past few minutes hadn’t happened. “What happens now?”

“We have to ensure Georgia Lee and Jason have nothing to do with the guy we did find. And then we have to do our due diligence with Warren.”

She’d heard that term used before. Recently, in fact. Jason. “Could you guys do your due diligence in the correct order this time?”

He lifted his eyebrows but kept his eyes on his paper. Scribbling. Guy loved to write longhand. Her hand hurt watching him. Finally, he stopped.