Raw (RAW Family #1)(40)
I don’t reply. That being my reply.
Lexi stiffens. She whispers, “Have you…? I mean, how did you know?”
Once again, I let my silence speak for me.
She swallows hard. “I see.”
Suddenly, my chest pounds. It’s such an unfamiliar feeling that it rocks me. I realize the feeling is worry.
I’m losing her.
Quietly, I explain, “Ling is damaged. What she’s been through, I honestly don’t know how she made it out alive. I’m not saying her tastes are normal or natural, but I am saying to not judge her too harshly. She’s not all bad.”
Lexi tenses further. “How could you do that to her?”
Wrapping an arm around her waist as if to stop her from escaping, I remain honest. “Because she wanted it. It was consensual, even if it didn’t look like it. Ling is old enough to make her own decisions, and she isn’t dumb or impaired in any way.” Then, brutal honesty. “It was actually easy. It was hot. It turned me on. I enjoyed it, and I would do it again.”
Sad eyes meet mine. “You hit her?”
“Yes. More than once. Maybe even harder than he did.”
Nodding, her eyes turn frightened as she asks, “Will you hit me?”
Fighting to keep the anger under control, I ask, “You want me to hit you?”
And her answer is pure redemption. Her answer lets me know that I’ve far from lost her. “Not like that.”
Relief flows through me as I tug at a piece of her hair. “I’m good at reading people, Lexi. When we’re together, I know what you like and what you don’t. I know what you think you don’t like and are scared to try. I know how to push you further than you’re used to.” Allowing that to sink in a moment, I tell her, “I will spank you. I will be rough with you. I will push you to your limits. But I promise that if you give it a chance, you’ll enjoy taking it as much I like to deliver it.”
Her chest heaves with heavy breaths. “What if you read me wrong? What if it goes too far?”
Reaching up, my fingertips hold her chin firmly as I look into her eyes and ask seriously, “You like what we’ve done so far?”
She hesitates, and I know she wants to lie, so I’m surprised when she answers, “Yes. I did. You freak me out. You’re intense. And you kinda scare the shit out of me. But I like it.”
Hearing that makes me feel good. A little too good. Burying my face into her neck, I kiss the sensitive skin there and smile as her body shudders. Her next question has me seeing red. “So what do you like? Are you a Dom?”
Lifting my head away from her neck, I glare into her throat. My annoyance is clear when I snap, “Know what I don’t like? Labels.”
Her brow furrows. “Labels?”
Nodding, I confirm, “Labels.” Getting angrier by the second, I rant, “I like what I like and I make no excuses for that. Is what I like considered normal? Probably not. Yes, I think it’s clear that I enjoy being in control. Am I a Dom? No. Does that matter? No. Because I really don’t need anyone to get me unless I want them too.” My anger surges to a new level: Hulk. “Who the f*ck is anyone to judge me? To put a label on me? No one knows me well enough to do that, and the people who do know me know that labelling me does not go well. So if you’re smart, Lex…you won’t do it.”
Lexi tries to stand. But I don’t let her up. My arm tightens around her waist and I hear panic in her voice. “I need you to let me go. I can’t think when you’re so close to me. I-I really didn’t like what I saw there, Twitch. I need some time to think. Time alone.”
Doing a remarkable job of suppressing my rage, I answer with a tight-lipped, “You can think later. Tonight, you stay with me. I already told Happy to arrange a car for Nicole and David.”
Her dim eyes light with anger. “Why would you—? Who do you think you—?” The cutest little growl comes from her throat and she stands, dislodging my arms from her waist. She begins to pace in front of me. “Listen, I know I didn’t make a big deal about you when you first started watching me. But shit! It’s creepy when you think about it. I don’t understand why I don’t feel unsafe around you, but I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that you saved me from that * who tried to rape me.” An emotion I’m not used to feeling settles over me. Guilt. She continues, “I need you to know that I’m currently in a state of freaked the f*ck out. I won’t lie. You’re intriguing and attractive…well…gorgeous. And I was hoping to get to know you better. But now…” She stops her pacing to look into my eyes and says quietly, “…now I’m not so sure.”
Women are complicated creatures. I don’t know what to do with this information. It seems useless to me, but something deep in my gut tells me to listen to her.
Her shaking hands come together and she wrings them. “I need to go. And be away from you. I have a lot on my mind, and even though I like you in a weird way, you’re…” She swallows hard. “…I don’t think you’re good for me, Twitch.”
My lip curls, and before I can think of a response, the door clicks shut.
I’ve lost her.
As soon as I spy a smiling Happy at the bottom of the stairs, he takes one look at my face and his smile is replaced with a look of worry. Meeting me at the very last step, he wraps a large arm around my shoulders and I’m overcome with emotion. Gripping his lapel, I cry into his chest as he leads me through the back of the house to where a car is waiting.