Ravaged Throne: A Russian Mafia Romance (Solovev Bratva #2)(88)

It hurts almost as bad as any pain I’ve ever felt. But I know he’s right.

I nod slowly and pull myself out of the bed. Leo doesn’t help me. He just stands back and watches me as I stumble achingly towards the bathroom.

I manage a quick rinse in a cold shower. When I walk back out, there’s a black dress laid out on the bed. Leo’s nowhere in sight, but I know he’s the one who picked it for me. It screams of his influence. Sleeveless, tasteful, with a modest hem and a sweetheart neckline. I slip it on and pull my hair up into a severe knot.

When I’m dressed, I sit myself in front of the mirror and stare at my bare face. I look the way I feel: burned out and hopeless. I have dark circles around my eyes and caved-in cheeks. I apply just enough foundation to make me look presentable and then I head downstairs.

Leo is standing in a loose circle between Jax and Gaiman. All three men turn to me.

Gaiman stays where he is, but Jax moves towards me. “Need a hand?” He offers me his arm.

I take his elbow gratefully, and we proceed down the forest path towards the column of vehicles.

“Where are we burying her?” I ask Jax.

“There’s a cemetery in the area, just down from the village. Leo handled arrangements with a pastor. It’s a fitting place for her. She…”

He trails off, and I chance a glimpse at his face. His usual bright smile is gone.

“Were you close with her?” I ask.

“We had our moments,” he says. “I didn’t know her that well. Her mission kept her away a lot of the time. But I respected her.”

I nod. “She was probably the bravest woman I’ve ever known.”

“You and me both.”

We get into the jeeps. I’m glad when Leo takes the wheel. He said he’d be strong for me, that he’d protect me, and God, how I need that. I need to be close to him so I can absorb some of that strength.

But I’ve learned how to be strong on my own, too. Maybe that’s what he means by a queen: someone who can accept help as often as she gives it.

The drive down to the cemetery is quiet. Just the thrum of the engines and the crunching of rocks beneath our tires.

When we arrive, Jax helps me out of the car and we turn to survey the area. Gravestones dot the frozen ground, but the space is wide open. The mountains are visible all around, a hedge of protection against a gray and unforgiving sky. The village is just down the hill. Smoke rises from the chimneys and swirls overhead.

It’s a beautiful location. Austere, remote, but then again, she was also those things. And even though Ariel isn’t in a position to care either way, I feel better about it.

Jax walks me to the burial site. The brass coffin is already set up and ready to be lowered into the ground. I don’t have the faintest idea how they managed to dig six feet into this icy rock, but I don’t ask. Leo proved long ago that he is capable of regular miracles.

Speaking of Leo, I don’t see him. I turn and look around, but his face isn’t among the rows of Bratva men waiting at quiet attention.

“He just likes to keep busy,” Jax says, interpreting my confusion correctly.

“How’s he doing?” I ask. “Really?”

“I think he’s feeling everything. Grief, sadness. Guilt. Not that he’s said a word, of course. That’s never been his way.”

“So he doesn’t talk to you guys, either?”

“No. He keeps his emotions pretty close to his chest.”

“Has he ever opened up to anyone?”

“Once. Then he died.”

The way he says it tells me everything I could’ve ever known about Leo.

I stare at the coffin, wondering if Ariel is really in there. The part of her that was sent to us, at least. My stomach twists again as the memory rushes back to me in vivid detail.

My hand tightens around Jax’s arm as I struggle to stay on my feet.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I… I… I will be…”

“You look pale.”

“I just—”

I turn and see Leo walking towards us. He looks so handsome in his black suit and his slicked back hair, but his eyes are a million miles away.

“I’ll take it from here,” he rumbles.

Jax transfers my hand from his arm to Leo’s. I expect him to stand beside me, but instead, he pivots me around and starts walking in the opposite direction.

“Where are we going?”

“The pastor isn’t here yet,” he says. “We have some time before we lower her down. I thought we could take a walk.”

I know the walk is for my benefit. Leo knows everything. He could tell I was close to losing it.

“I’m trying,” I whisper. “But how do you get used to it? All this… death?”

“You just do,” he says. “Ariel always knew that it might end like this. So did I.” He shakes his head. “But there’s no point going back, Willow. No point playing and replaying what happened. What we could have done differently. What’s done is done.”

“I am grateful to Ariel,” I say softly. “And I respect and admire her. But… I can’t stop thinking about Pasha. That he’s alone in there. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No,” he tells me. “That just makes you a mother.”